Whitepyros Random Rambles

Love

2010-07-14T00:11:00.001-04:00

The life that we lead is merely temporal. Its a temporary existence that we all must learn to accept. The lessons of life are not always the easiest to come to terms with. But there is always a divine purpose in those things that make us come to an understanding with God. Even when (we) were without faith lost in the waves of emotional abandonment from God, his purpose has always been for the better of us, Even if we refuse to accept it or not.

Life can be a hard road of ups and down's. But its in those times that (we) learn those life lessons that God wishes for us to learn. It's in those times of "Rock bottom" that we see ourselves broken, torn apart, and the looks of a broken vase strewn across the floor. This is the time that we are made into a new creation, something that is made new with God's polish that one can not deny that (His) hand was in it (The Potters Hand).

He (Jesus) told them this parable: "No one tears a patch from a new garment and sews it on an old one. If he does, he will have torn the new garment, and the patch from the new will not match the old. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, new wine must be poured into new wineskins. - Luke 5:36-38

God created many things in this world including many languages, one which is universal. Its shared in every part of the world, its universally accepted and understood, Translation is not needed when speaking the language of "Love". This language we are all able to speak. And yet it's almost unfamiliar to people who live within the world. The ones that are enslaved in the fashion of the week, The Cool It of the month, The all amazing super sports star. And yet we don't live by the code (Language) that God has made so freely available, the thing that “Should” flow from our inner being. If we believe God Is love and that he dwells within us. Then we should be reflecting that light.

God is in the business of overflow, His Love comes in abundance that can never run out. I believe that the wine God pours out over us isn't just for us, but it is meant for others too! We are but the vessel of his Love to others. To Love others into the Kingdom. You may say I am but only one person, But so was Jesus and he did many great things.

God's Love is a force to be reckoned with, it has the power to transform, renew, set the spirit ablaze. Ignite the hearts of your servants God. Let us have the same desire that you have for the people, Open our eyes to your leading, lead us into the places where you wish us to go. We come with a “YES” in our spirit. We are willing and able. Amen.

The More I Ponder

2010-05-25T01:07:00.007-04:00

The more I ponder of the life I have lived. And the life I have yet to live, I see the glory that is god. The way he will and has breathed things over my life; And Into my Life; And made that which is into existence. May it be the Sunrise or the Sunset. Or to the mere beauty of his creation. The mountain tops, The skyline, People that he surrounds us with. The bleakness of the Lost and weary. And especially the insight and knowledge he bestows upon his people.

Some of you may know my story. My Testimony of me getting jump, My father being murdered, My Depression, My suicidal thoughts, the constant reminder of feeling alone, the deep desire to be a father, My strong compassion and love for people.

God has brought me through a journey. And as I once said to a friend of mine "The crossroad is part of the journey. Don't be discouraged about the process". As I think of that even more I believe it to be more true then when I said it. That the journey is what has made us what we are today. For me that process has had its painful moments. Those moments where the pain and the sting hurt the most are but only a moment in time. Its has been in my life a time of refinement and a time of comfort from God (Mathew 5:4).

My Father was an alcoholic. Although he'd never admit it. He would like to pop a bunch of bills to get high. For me this was a huge turn off. It made me not respect him back then. But without that I wouldn't be the man I am today. A man with conviction in his heart; Not for others but for my own life. I refuse to be that which was my father.

There is a sense of grace in those moments, at least for me. To come to an understanding with god. The more you get free from what we call the flesh the more you see the (flesh) in the world. Its a controlling force that wreaks havoc in our society. We see the flesh being the controlling force where the flavour of the moment could be sex, drugs, drinking, etc. See it how you may, But I feel god has shown me that its all a cover. Its a total shame of self destruction.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. Matthew 7:13

When we start to see not with our flesh; But with the spiritual eyes which god has given to us to see, which that is inherently evil. For me to see how people live their lives by their flesh and not by their spirit in fact makes me feel a sense of compassion and love to be able to help them find their way home. Mind you I believe that most seeds that are sown, which are the ones who have seeded usually never gets to see the outcome of that seed "Lest Pride sneaks in". For me its a burden the lord has laid upon me, at times its almost unbearable to me. Its a longing of God instilled into me. Its a wild fire that is unquenchable and it burns with ferocity that it consumes my heart.

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Galatians 6:7-10

I have been fortunate to see fruit of my sowing. I saw my obedience to God get my father saved before he was killed. This happened in April 2005. His Birthday was July 10Th. July 10Th is important not because it was his birthday but because what god did on his birthday a few years later 2009.

A woman started at my work and God specifically told me to be nice to her. For me I am usually nice, But these were Gods instructions. So I did what he said. She had worked with me for about a month or two until one day I missed the bus so we went and had a chat till the bus was to come. Four hours later we emerged from the van. God lead the conversation and I spoke to her and encouraged her and shared my faith with her. A few months had past until July 10Th came and I went over to her house with a friend to talk to her and to bless her house as she felt a darkness in her home. That day July 10Th was the day she gave her heart to the lord. For me this was as if God was confirming something to me. A seed sown and a seed confirmed. Since then Her Husband, Her Daughter and her Son have come to the lord. By one person guided by God and through his grace allowed me to be a vessel.

For me through my circumstance and by God alone has he instilled a longing and a sense of compassion and love for people. Which was not there before my getting saved and baptized. God has put me on a journey of Compassion and love to help people come back home where God wants them to be. I feel this is my true calling in life. At which it is my desire to be a Counsellor (also God Instilled).

So Let us Love people into the kingdom. Let us be the Light that God has called us to do. For me its truly hard to express the desire and fire in my heart for people. Like I've said its almost unbearable at times. I just want to hug everyone and tell them there is hope and God has always made a way out. For me I find great joy in doing what God has asked of me. And even you to do. Rise up! Shake off that fear. Yes condemnation will come. Even Mockery. But let you fight the good fight!! My only hope is that I don't disqualify myself from the prize, There is no pride in what God is asking. I pray that you see God and not me. But the mere vessel.

Why Do People Refuse God's Love?

2010-04-19T00:02:00.000-04:00

People are ignorant to gods love. Why is this? Well it all comes to upbringing or so I like to believe.. For me as I child I understood blank words such as God loves you.. Love isn't realized until we get revelation on it. For example.. A loveless home where love is rarely used or used loosely. My realization of gods love was from a friend who was the real manifestation of gods love through man.

You also have to realize that ever since we were born the devil has set his plans against us. He has plans to set us in bondage at such a young age.. Lies such as god doesn't exist. God hates you.. Anything he can to take you away further from god.. Satan is ah master of lies according to John 8:44.

But I believe people refuse gods love due to the fact that they don't want to give up control of their lives. Or they've been hurt by "Christians". But as I've learned now "There is no offense in Christ".

Where love is devoid love is hallow words.. Theirs many things that can make people not want to accept gods love.. Its sad but it is US! Who need to be the example for others..

One good lie Satan loves to tell is "if I live a good life I will go to heaven.." Oh the deception.. So we need to "Get Free, Live Free, and most of all Free Others". Bring truth to the lies and break the strong holds satan has made inside many people..

Just my 2 cents.. :)

What do you think?

From Lies To Truths

2009-07-18T15:40:00.004-04:00

My life has changed for the better. I can't deny much of that anymore. I'm on a better road then I have been in the last decade. It feels right and proper and no its not easy, But I know its where I am supposed to be.

About 2 months ago I almost gave up. The Devil had me in his grasps and was trying to get me turn away from what was good. I finally came to the conclusion that I couldn't allow myself to end like that because I started to believe all the lies that I have heard for so long in my life. It's almost like god said "OK your ready for these things to finally reach the surface and to confront them". I really wasn't ready as I'd like to think that I was. So I ended up reverting back into my old ways. I stopped going to church, I ignored everyone as I tried to deal with my demons. And even as I was going through that in my life Satan was still having his way with my thoughts filling my mind with more lies. It was very overwhelming for me. He told me lies like (Your unwelcome at Church, No one likes you, God is against you) and so forth. During that time god was still trying to lead me, and in that moment I tried to be obedient, kind and considerate to what he was asking me to do.

God in essence wasn't asking much of me, But it was simple. There was a new person at my work. Her name is Susan. A wonderful woman who I admire and now consider a close friend. You see God is AMAZING!! What else can I say..

But he first asked me talk to her, Not about anything in particular. You see at times I can be really temper mental at work and yet I was supposed to be kind to this woman. So as a few weeks went on and she had the van since her husband didn't have to work that day. I went and had a smoke with her since I missed my bus. So what was supposed to be a 15 min chat turned into a 4 hour chat right there in her van. I honestly don't know sometimes if its just me being easy to talk to, being a good listening or just god opening the flood gates of pure honesty and openness in people. I honestly don't know. But we eventually started talking about faith, and she was quiet torn between her faith and such. So god basically asked me to speak life and encouragement into her life. He used me to reveal His Grace, His Longing, His Loving and unconditional love. From that day forward things moved extremely fast. God continued having me bless and encourage her. God even asked me to give her $40.00 to help her out. She was in need and I wanted to help her. But I did it like god wanted me too, and it helped her. But the next day she gave me the money back. I thought she knew I gave it to her. But she said she couldn't accept that.

And then later that week I had a chance to talk to my Pastor to talk about what I was dealing with and we resolved a lot on the fact of the lies I was believing. Since then I have continued to push forward the gates and the walls that have tried to bind me down.

Susan and I have had several discussions and further discussions on god. God has used me in many ways with Susan. So near the end of June she invited me over for dinner, It was so good too! It was Pork Roast. And I knew that she felt like there was a presence in her home. She told me about after I told her I was going to get her a bible that her cigarette container moved all by it self. She was terrified and me I was like OK we will deal with this.. So that day I went over and then I finally went in the basement and heard tapping in the walls so I declared that it had to leave and then I went back upstairs. I enjoyed doing that :). So then on July 5Th Susan came to my church alone mind you. But I was pleased and a little worried on what she would think of a Pentecostal setting. But she enjoyed it. So that made me happy. And I'm also pleased to say that on my Dad's Birthday July 10Th Susan gave her life to the lord. You also need to understand that Susan was the only one willing to come to my church. Minds and hearts were closed in her house, Her Daughter, Her Son and her Husband. Her Husband specifically said don't even ask about me coming. So as you can see we (Susan and myself) were up against a little opposition to them coming. But they weren't opposed to her going..

But again on July 10Th Leanne and Myself went over to bless her house. It was AMAZING!! It was like a hot poker going through a stick of butter. It was as if the darkness in her home was gone. And then later Susan gave her life over to god. Its very special to me for 2 facts, One being my dad's birthday and my dad giving his life to the lord the last time I saw him before he was murdered. And the fact that Sue gave her life on my dad's birthday holds a double meaning and a special one at that.. After that day it was as if Walls, Doors, Pluming, The kitchen sink, The bed post had exploded and that opposition had vanished. The very next week Susan's whole family came to the church! WOW god is good :)..

Zephaniah 3:17

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
"

So with that being said.. God is good.. And then today god started speaking something else to me.. I asked him how can people move past all there stuff, there pain, there past. Because it's something I struggle with as well. And god simple said. "What is a scar? Is it not still flesh and yet it isn't normal and soft?" so I said "sure I understand that". So he said "Well. I am the one that comes to heal over your wounds and yes you will still remember them. But it is healed and closed over. It doesn't hurt anymore. So I say to you why do you worry about the past? It was yesterday and today is a new day. It no longer has its grip on you". So WOW! As I continue to think of that context I realize that things have been loosened.. My dad's Death, Me getting jumped its past and its healed and yes a scar remains and I still remember. But That was yesterday and today is a new day.. It has no hold on me.. Because I am LOVED I am ACCEPTED I am FORGIVEN and I AM FREE!!!

Praise you lord!!

My god is Living and Active.. What else can I say?

Battlefield Of The Mind Chapter #2

2009-07-07T16:16:00.002-04:00

Chapter #2

Romans 8:5 Speaks to me today..

"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires."

"You can not have a positive life and a negative mind" Wow does that make sense..

God spoke more to me about having a negative outlook and how it has hindered me tremendously..

Mathew 12:33-37

"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. 34You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

Speaks of the fruit that I have and haven't be doing. There is so much bad things I have said and thought.. I'm starting to feel better and better about my outlook on life.. Its very encouraging to me :)

God is my vital sign.. Its like a heart/pulse or the air in my lungs. I need to spend more time with god and more in the word and prayer.

No new Revelation today.. But I spent about 30 minutes with god in prayer and declaration.. God is good..

Battlefield Of The Mind Chapter #1

2009-06-30T16:08:00.002-04:00

I am currently Reading "Battlefield of the mind" by Joyce Maye rs. I figured it would be cool to share my reflections...

Chapter #1

I am very much like John in many respects. Especially having a passive attitude.

1st Corinthians 10:13 speaks to me in many ways..

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

I understand that we fight not the physical battles but the ones of the mind and that even so Satan has placed many strongholds in my life since I was very young.

God has anointed me to preach the good news. I am his workmanship.

Even though I don't have all the answers I know that god is for me & not against me.. :)

Welcome To the Theme Park

2009-05-14T23:14:00.005-04:00

Welcome to the Theme Park where my life is your roller coaster...

Someone once told me that I let my emotions control my outward actions. And I think I finally get what she meant. Those things that have so much to do with ones perspective can sometimes be blinded by their own circumstance. For me this is a daily event, work especially. At times it feels like you will never be able to get to leave and go home on one of those bad days. But then I have to remind myself that "Yes" I will get to leave soon. Its all about my perspective..

Today being my day off I've had a lot of time to think things through. I have come out of it with more questions then answers. Some including my dad, my life, my feelings, my actions. Someone once told me that things are refined in fire, And fire you've had.

Ever since I quit World of Warcraft I have learnt that I am a creative person. And that's something I never really knew about myself. Sure I heard it a million times. But I'm starting to believe that possibly in certain times in our lives we take it as blind words, until REAL revelation happens and you get one of those "UH HUH" Moments. There have been a lot of revelation that has happened lately. For example, I have had this CD by Seventh Day Slumber FOREVER!!! The album is "Finally Awake", And man do they mean it. This CD has hit a new chord with me today. Sure I liked the music.. But I actually got revelation from it in my own personal life.. In regards the song "Everyday Saturday".

It spoke to me specifically about my father, Who oddly enough also died on a Saturday.. Odd, But no matter.. But it also explains my struggle to maintain sanity in my life.. But the fact of the matter is that no matter what "God Is still god" and I'm still hold onto that with everything I have. But there is more then one thing that is keeping me standing still. I guess this is what you get when you ask god to help you grow.. In the end I suppose its almost as if I'm being purified of the things that I have buried deep down inside and I'm ready to deal with it. But the fact is I SUCK at dealing with things. As I'm sure some can attest to!

I guess it all comes down to is I really don't know anymore. The fact is that its Amazing that I still stand here. Through times in my life I would rather be dead then alive, Unfortunately that's as brutally honest as it has been. Mind you I'm not stupid, I know what that means. And it is by choice that I choose not to reflect on such flibber flabber.. (new word?).

But I'm really starting to believe in timing, The whole thing with my best friend coming into my life before all things came tumbling down in my life to be a vessel of Christ, The fact that I've had this CD since forever and I'm getting revelation from it NOW, And the fact that the image in this post talks about perspective. You could look in a mirror and just see yourself or you could see things that are bigger then you are. The fact that God had me work on this image for no reason at all about perspective to lead me to write about it, is Amazing. More Revelation please!

This is me signing off now! (CLICK)

Patriotism

2009-04-11T21:01:00.003-04:00

God has had me thinking today about Patriotism. So I decided to look it up, according to Brainy Quote Patriotism means:

Love of country; devotion to the welfare of ones country; the virtues and actions of a patriot; the passion which inspires one to serve ones country.

God reminded me Capt. Richard "Steve" Leary who was a native of Brantford. When he returned home and his funeral was to happen people lined up on Charring Cross to give there final respects. Which is AWESOME!!

Now mind you I'm not trying to detract the Honor of Mr. Leary or other soldiers. But we as a people will Honor someone that we've never met?, never would have noticed if he had not died in this war? And yet when it comes to God, We can't even rally/Honor behind his plans. Yes Mr. Leary and other soldiers have made the ultimate sacrifice for there country. But you know Jesus made the biggest Sacrifice, His sacrifice doesn't have national boundaries, its a selfless sacrifice for anyone willing to accept his plan.

When does the time come when we can rally behind the plans of god? What will it take to ignite the fire in all of us to have the passion for gods country and not our own little countries. Mind you I'm speaking about the church as a whole. Where does it start that we declare under one banner of god's patriotism.

Just a thought.. Also I made the flag in this post for fun. Its symbolic of the light shining through the cross to scatter the darkness..

The Life and Style of a Changed Man

2009-04-09T21:39:00.002-04:00

As I continue to move forward I am continually amazed by God's power to Transform, Save & Restore myself and others to action. I'm currently listening to a song by Akon called Freedom. In which he says:

“Freedom, Freedom, Freedom, Freedom
Everything I have, everything I own
All my mistakes man you already know
I wanna be free, I wanna be free
Won't stop til' I find my
Freedom, Freedom, Freedom, Freedom”

Which I feel is where I am at now in my life. Asking god to bring more freedom from things in my life. Over the past 2-3 months god has continued to transform my life and my mindset at that. I am now free of my addiction to World Of Warcraft because god let it be so. Amen to that.. I have gone from a introverted loner to an extroverted people person. Mind you I was always a people person. But due to my addiction to "World Of Warcraft" I became someone not of myself. For me it was a revolving door. It was an escape from my problems, an escape from my depression. But I would get depressed because I was playing instead of being what I was made to be. I neglected my friends & family. Today I am a different person.

Last week we had 24/7 prayer for the week, It was GREAT!!! God showed me visions of his glory. It was as if I had my head on daddy's lap and he would just listen to me and talk to me. What a unique experience.. Something new.. I'm hungry Lord!

The God Struck Sticker Project

2009-03-31T22:23:00.003-04:00

I believe that obedience is success. God Said... You do right?

Well on that fact. I felt strongly that god wanted me to be more creative. In a way he has had me making what I called Stickers.. These stickers are free for anyone to use to declare things over themselves or others. To be a catalyst in their own right. These stickers can be added to your blog, your own site, Or whichever you see fit.. At this point and time, I have made 3 sets of 7 color variation's of "God #1 Dad", "God Loves Me" & "God Loves You". There are many more to come I can promise that. Got Ideas? Please leave a comment and share :) And maybe it will make it as one of the stickers... I have one sticker on this blog right now as well.. So get going :)

Feel Free to check out my little project @ The God Struck Sticker Project

New Design

2009-03-30T22:37:00.001-04:00

Well here's my new design i'm working on for my blog.. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think of it.. Its still a work in progress... :)

Open Letter

2009-03-22T02:39:00.003-04:00

These past few years have been a difficult journey god. I've had to struggle with battles in my head, all those lies that I believed you have torn apart to nothingness. But you know all this lord for you are the one doing works in my life. You see all that is unseen, the maker, the creator, the healer, truth bringer, teacher... I have even fought against you in my own anger and confusion. Yet... You still loved me..

You have brought Peace to my Body,Soul & Mind. I feel a freedom over me that I haven't had in my life before. So lord I continue to come with "YES" in my spirit. Let it be so.. Amen!

My heard cries for you god. Never let me go astray again. Lead me in what is righteous and right. Keep me on the narrow path. I've come so far, And I can't look back now!

God I’m in this place again I’m trying so hard not to fall,
but everything keeps coming down with the rain.
And I try so hard I forget to call.
Everybody’s looking around, and everybody wants to be found.
And I’m just hanging on; I give You all that I am.
I come to You with all that I am, I bring to You all that I have,
and all I have is nothing, and I keep on trying, and all I want is You.
Everybody’s looking around and wants to be found,
and I’m just hanging on.
I give You all that I am.
And as I sit here in the midst of You,
I come to You; I bring You all that I am.
Everybody’s looking around and wants to be found,
and I’m just hanging on.
I give You all that I am.

Everyday Sunday - Hanging On

Dear Dad

2008-09-15T17:08:00.002-04:00

Dear Dad,

I've been thinking of you every day. It feels like only yesterday that I talked to you. But I can't talk to you anymore. And I feel there are so many questions I want to ask you. But you've gone on to a better place, and I know its almost been 3 years. But I still miss you. And I hold a lot of regret on how things went down as they did. I know you always meant well. But you never knew of the hidden pain which I held deep inside because of your actions in life. I wanted you know I forgive you for beating me up those times when you were to drunk to know better, I forgive you for abusing your prescriptions and doing that cocaine you said you did once. I also forgive you for being an alcoholic but never have the gull to admit it.

I know you tried your best to slow down on your abuses. And I know that after many years of abandoning your faith that you finally did allow god to start peeling those layers off your life! I only wish you knew you didn't have to follow in your fathers footsteps.

I thank you that you taught me the bad side of things. That today I am a better man because of it! And I know that I choose not and will not ever become like you! And I don't mean that to be negative dad. I just choose the better path in life. And I'm sorry that I almost fell for the same curse that you had over your life. But I've been lucky. God won't let me become what you were. Because he has a plan for me dad, a plan for something better. And plan of ending this curse of abuse in our family dad. I have to do it dad. It will be for the better. Because god has given me authority to break this curse! IT WILL NOT BE ANYMORE!

You see dad, God has brought healing in my life. More then you knew of the things I held deep inside. I can't hold it in anymore dad, its destroying me. Its eating me alive inside. And I know you loved me, but you had a really hard time showing it. And I know whenever I finally become a father I will choose to show how much I love them dad.

But Dad I wanted you to know how much I've grown too! I've allowed god to tear down many walls that once were. Because after all he has all the keys to my burdens. And I know no matter what that I can come threw. Even as I struggle now that there will always be light at the end of the tunnel!

I just wanted you to know these things dad. Even though these things were hard to say and even as the tears run down my face. I still love you and I miss you more then you know!

Love your Only son,

Josh

He Know's My Name

2008-06-22T14:38:00.003-04:00

I got a chance to speak again to close out Operation God for the year. We will be starting backup in September. But God gave me a continuation of the original story he had me write with the JC Superhero. But this time god wanted me to talk about how people can act out because they are so hurt inside. So for this reason we look at Jessica.

If you don't know of the original sermon please read Jesus Superhero

Listen to He Know's My Name Skit & Sermon Here

Sermon:

Wow that was an amazing story... Don't you think?

I can't believe JC wanted to meet with Jessica even though she tried to beat up Sam.. What kind of love could see past her anger and frustration and see her heart as it was.. Lost in her own despair, She really was trying to hide her pain wasn't she?

I guess there's another side of this picture don't you think? At first we thought Jessica was just some bully picking on Sam. But it was really Jessica who was scared wasn't she?

What I don't get is why JC was seeking after Jessica so hard.. She wasn't even looking for JC. But you know he found her any how.. Hmm...

I got an Idea..

I want you to close your eyes for a second... Imagine with me that your at home. Imagine you hear the doorbell ring but it sounds urgent, whoever is trying to get your attention won't stop ringing the bell..

(RING) (RING) (RING) (RING) (RING) (RING).

And you think to yourself.. What can be so important.. Who's ringing my door bell. Then you hear a voice. But you don't recognize the voice.. All you hear is “Its me your best friend, Let me in, I got some amazing news to tell you. Its AMAZING!!!”...

(RING) (RING) (RING) (RING).

And then you think.. I don't have a best friend.. So who's trying to talk to me. So you peak out your window and you see a Guy in a Red Cape And he has a HUGE J on his chest. And then you hear the door bell again.

(RING) (RING) (RING) (RING).

And so you yell out “What do you want. I don't know you.”

And the man replies “Oh... But I know you very well.. I know everything about you... I know your name, I know your every thought. Will you let me in? Please Let me in! I Love you! I want you to know me... Because I know you so well.. We will get along great... We will be best friends forever...”

And then you think to yourself.. “Should I let him in? Should... I? I wouldn't mind having a best friend..”

Then all of a sudden your dashing to the front door and you open it. And there is JC in front of you and he says “Welcome to the family my child, Welcome.. And then he hands you these tools and then he says.. Now Go!”.

And then you say “Go? Go where..”

And JC says “Go tell others about me.. Tell them about my love for them”

Can you imagine that? I sure can.. Because its exactly how it is in real life.. God knows you, he wants you to know him.. To have a relationship with him.. And he's asking.. LET ME IN TO YOUR HEART!! I want to give you the desires of your heart.. I want to help you fulfill your destiny.. I have given you everything you need to tell others about me so therefor go..

Do you realize you have the tools? Do you want to see a friend, a family member learn about Jesus Christ and his love for them? So I say to you.. Go! GO! GO! This summer GO! This Year Go! Go tell others about Jesus. Tell them about his love for them. Tell them about the god you know.. You Have what is needed. And I really want you to know something.. Its not about Nicki, Its not about Matt & Katie, Jodi, Mathew, or Nick Or even me... Its all about Jesus! Its not even about the person who's singing the worship, its not about the guy running the computer or even the person speaking the word of god. Its about Jesus!

As we started this year we Graduated into Overt Agents.. To be seen. To be sent in his name.. And we Bless you this summer to use the tools that god has given you! Will you help someone else open the door and let Jesus into there hearts? We Bless you in Jesus name!

PRAYER:

Father god we pray over these kids which you have anointed for this time. We come against fear of sharing your good news. We pray that you give them the words to share with there parents, there friends about you god.. We thank you for such a great year. We Thank you for your son and his example of your love for us. We thank you in Jesus mighty Name.. Amen

Humbled

2008-05-08T14:38:00.002-04:00

The past few days have been amazing for me.. I have been watching this revival down in Lake land, FL the miricles god is doing down there is unmistakable.. Its very encouraging as well as uplifting to me. As I continue to watch I feel my heart fill with joy and fire. For the first time since my dad passed away, I feel the fire for god. It has been a rough 2 years since then, but I feel a hunger and a thirst that once was and I'm happy to finally reach that point again..

Yesterday as I was at work I kept hearing god talk to me about me praying for the kids later that night.. I was excited and thrilled that he wanted me to do this.. But as time went on I felt as if I wasn't feeling the same way about it. But I did it anyhow.. I won't let the devil steal what god wanted to do.. So I prayed over the kids, I prayed for revival over the city.. I then prayed for kids individually and it went alright so thats good :). Obediance is success as we say. And I hope what was meant to be accomplished. I take that with faith in Jesus name.

Today as I checked my mail. I had a letter from Bridge of Hope, Which I sponsor a child through. I have been sponsoring my child for the last 2 years. There has been many times within those 2 years where I (myself not god) wanted to cancel. But God strictly forbid me.. Because my finances have always been tight was mostly the reason.. But I'm glad I never fell pray to that.. So today I got a letter from my sponsored child.

The Letter Reads:

Dear friend,

Praise the lord. Thank you very much for you helping me. I have a father and mother two brothers and one sister. I am in the 7th grade. I like cricket very much and I like english and math. Also I like reading story books.. I help my mother and my father in their works. This is my hobby. I pray for you as you pray for me and my family.

Your Lovley amol

I mean WOW.. God sure knows best.. And I just feel humbled to just be able to bless someones life, That I've never met. It could be the difference of eating or not on any given day.

So all in all God is good.. :)

Thankful

2008-04-21T20:07:00.004-04:00

So much stuff has happened as of late. And yet no matter what happens I feel more happy then I've been in years. I'm surrounded by so many people who support me and make me feel welcome in their lives.

This coming from a person 3 year previously would rather hide in a corner and not be noticed. One who would not want to be honest to his own emotions, to deny his own yearning of relationships. To be pessimistic every possible thing in his life. To not want to be centred out. To not want to share his problems for fear people would think he just wanted attention.

But things have changed and my view on life has been ratified by the continuing love of others for me. I have gained much influence within the kids ministry I help run. I spoke a sermon for the first time this past Wednesday. Its amazing the way god can/does work through his people, including myself.

God originally gave me a concept of his qualities and his superhero type of abilities,to heal,bring repentance,to save,to love,to free,to give life,to restore, and many others for that fact. So he gave me a story, but that story didn't come right away mind you. During a two week period he would mention small details about himself. After that two week period god released this story to me. I originally thought it would turn out to be a skit with actors though.

I then shared this story with Nicki who runs the kids ministry to which I am a leader in. She loved it, but felt it wasn't the right timing for this to be released, and so I prayed and got the same answer (to wait). This kind of discouraged me as I really wanted to tell people what god was releasing to me. But my timing wasn't god's timing. It's something I've had to learn to "wait upon the lord". And to which I sat on the story for months, 5 in total or so.

Then all of a sudden with the help of Nicki, everything came together and god released it. Me and Nicki voiced the characters, I played the voice of Jesus. And Nicki played the Part of Samantha and Jessica (Bully). We then had other leaders get involved. Some played the puppets, some made the props, others ran the computer while I spoke. And Nicki even made a costume for the puppet. For that I am eternally grateful. You helped release gods message that he wanted to release. And I truly believe the kids got what was being said. It was really a humbling experience. At one point as I was talking about our relationship with god and our parents and talked about how if we told them we loved them and gave them a hug they would believe us because we have a relationship with them.. At which point one of the kids asked if he could get a hug. To which I replied "BUT OF COURSE". And then I got mobbed by other kids. That alone touched me very deeply.

It showed me that I am relevant, that I do have influence over these kids, that I'm not invisible, that I'm loved, and accepted.

As well as of late god has been bringing so much understanding of who he is and its amazing.

This is something I will always cherish.

My prayer is that your wonders never cease, that your love continue to flow through us leaders, that your anointing never end, that the kids will learn more about you, that your kingdom come, that your peace reside, that your revelation bring repentance, that you become real to these kids, That you continue to use us as an example of your love, That the kids feel safe in your presence, that your glory fall, that unity comes to Brantford, That your grace and acceptance and forgiveness covers us all.

I'm dedicated to this ministry, I'm dedicated to these kids, I'm dedicate to MY GOD!

Sermon Listed Below.

Jesus Superhero Sermon

2008-04-21T20:00:00.002-04:00

Skit:
Click here to listen to skit

Sermon:

Well that was a cool story.. Don't you think? (sad voice) But God couldn't love me enough to come and rescue me from my troubles, Sam must be someone real special for Jesus to want to save her.

Really are you sure?

How do you know?

Well then I have a question for you..

What kind of person did Superhero Jesus seem like when we watched him talking to Samantha? Was he very mean like Jessica was?

What do you think we can learn from this story?

Do you think Sam and Jesus are good friends now?

Well of course they are.

You see even though Samantha maybe not have been looking for God that night, God sure was looking for her. And he is even seeking after you. He wants you to know him, know that he created you for a purpose and that you were not a mistake. But that you were in his plans to be born at this point and time since the beginning of time. Did you know that in Jeremiah 29:11 it says “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.

So if God doesn't want to harm us why does he seek us?

If we continue on to Jeremiah 31:3 it says “I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with loving-kindness”.

So if you were to walk outside Freedom House right now and find the first person you see and give them a great big hug and tell them you love them, how would you feel? (Weird Right?) Would that person believe you? (no, cause they don't know you). BUT.. if you walked up to your mom right now and said “I love you”, how would you feel? (Great, I love mom hugs) Would your mom believe you? (Of course.. she's my mom). SEE.. Relationship is KEY! In order to feel God's love, we need to develop a relationship with Him.

Do you understand he wants to establish a relationship with you. He Loves you more then you know or maybe you can imagine. Our relationship with God should be the most important things in our lives. Did you know that in Mark 12:30 it says “Love the lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

What does it mean to love the Lord with.. all your Heart?.. (give time for them to answer) ... all your soul?.. (Give time for them to answer)... all your mind?.. (Give time for them to answer)... and all your strength?

Imagine.. if we could get a love letter from God.. what do you think it would be like?

Isn't God amazing to love us so much? To want us to be his friend? When we accept God into our hearts then we truly are a friend of God. Do you want to pray with me and thank God?

[Prayer]

Father God we thank you for who you are. We Thank you that you loved us first before we knew you. We want to strengthen our relationship with you by giving you praise and honor. We thank you that you sent Jesus to die for our Sins. We thank you for the sacrifice you made so that we could re-establish our relationship with you and we may have everlasting life with you.

Father God we repent of our sins, we repent of the lies we have believed that you didn't love us. We thank you that you want to save us just like you saved Samantha and wanted to be her friend. We welcome you into our hearts, we pray that you dwell in us that we can be an example to others of your love. We thank you for these things in Jesus name.

Amen.

So, what is ONE thing you are going to do this week, to build your relationship with GOD?

Hope you enjoyed the sermon :) Leave comments :)

If my Friends

2008-01-19T19:15:00.000-05:00

If my friends were to talk about me I'd hope they'd see the real me. Not the one shrouded in depression at times. But my true self which I try not to share as I don't want all eyes on me.

I would hope they'd say I have a strong compassion for people around me and I will take that extra step to make them feel important no matter what is going on.

I would hope they'd say I'm a loving person.

I would hope they'd say that I'm strong and am able to over come.

I would hope they'd say that I'm a very forgiving person.

I would hope they'd say that I have a strong hunger for god and for his kingdom to come over my city (The city Of god)

I would hope they'd say that I'm very committed to anything I put my heart to.

I would hope they'd say that I'm honest no matter how much it hurts to say it.

I would hope they'd say that I'm friendly and easy to get along with.

I would hope they'd say that I'm a server by heart.

I would hope they'd say that I'm genuine and real down to the core.

I would hope they'd say that I have a burden to see people get saved.

Maybe you feel you don't know me at all. Maybe you never new my heart. But you oh god know all these things. And you love me just the same..

Thank you!!!!

2007-10-16T00:26:00.000-04:00

I will let the video speak for itself...

Freedom House Prayer Room

2007-09-18T16:11:00.000-04:00

Freedom house in Brantford, ONT is having a 24/7 prayer for 1 week straight. I took some pictures of the room which was decorated quiet beautifully :)

You can look at the full set of pictures Here

Visions

2007-03-21T22:14:00.000-04:00

I have been receiving very valid and intriguing words from god. Stuff that makes me think. Such as "Why is god talking to me so much now?". I'm the type of person who has a real genuine heart for the lost. And my giftings are more Evangelism than it would be prophetic but yet god is speaking to me in all these prophetic words. I don't know if its for me personally or if its for me to share. But I feel more to the part of me sharing because they are true revelations from god. To bring truth.

God began to show me a vision of a tree just as this, a large old Oak tree. And he began to tell me that this was a symbol of his strength. And that his roots ran deep within. Not to steal from us, as a tree usually drinks from the water to feed itself. But to give life to his children. To feed us in essence with his holy spirit. This vision/revelation happened on a Sunday about 2 weeks ago! To be exact (03/10/2007).

On the following Sunday god spoke to me during worship where he said to me (or maybe everyone else) that he was going to replace the fabric of who we are. The vision showed like a piece of linen cloth in a microscopic form where you could see it at its thread like form and a needle replacing each thread to conform more to god's will. I believe this could be an act of obedience for god changing us. hmm.. (03/17/2007)

Then on this Tuesday (03/20/2007) god showed me another Oak tree where he said "I am going to stir things up. And all the leafs that had fallen began to fly off the ground and start whisking around the tree. I feel Paul knew this to as he started singing a song asking god to stir things up.. I was like wow... That's unique...

And then today I was in the bathroom and god reminded me of a vision I had over 1 year ago and it was as beautiful as anything I had ever seen before. I seen children all around me laughing and the light was so bright and colours were so sharp and the words were "But a moment". Could this be a small glimpse of what heaven holds? I don't know nor do I want to speculate that it is or not.. But just maybe?. hmmm..

On a side note:

The Great Commision

2007-03-17T03:25:00.000-04:00

Evangelism is the great commission that god has assigned to ALL Christians to share with fellow man. I personally have the evangelistic gifting so I find it quiet easy for me to share my faith. From what god has been saying to me and with the people I have talked to I continue to hear a lot of lies that they believe. Such as "The bible doesn't say I need to evangelize".

But that's not quiet true as Mark 16:15 says "He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation."

I feel like I might get classified as a Jesus Freak or a bible thumper or I feel ashamed to even try to share my faith. But do not fear man but god. Therefore the bible answers this with Romans 1:12 "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes".

I'm unable to share my faith because..... I don't know the bible enough. I'm not confident enough.. But according to Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength".

I don't know how to show people that they DO NEED Christ or need forgiveness to ever see god the father. Galatians 3:24 "So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith".

We MUST surrender to our fears and become what we were meant to be. We need to humble ourselves to god's word and cement ourselves within his word. Consider... Just consider... What if?

Dose that make it real enough for you? It should!

Lost job!

2007-03-13T00:03:00.000-04:00

What can I say...

I lost my job at the mall today.. It kinda sucks but its kind of a blessing in disguise too! As I have missed attending church on Sundays. But yet I feel a little bit discouraged. This will be my 3rd job that I've been laid off since I started working. My first job I got laid off in Feb. And the previous 2 jobs were both in March.. What is up with March and me loosing my job?? UGH!... I don't know what this means at all.. I put my heart into the job and did the best of my ability. But I'm not going to worry of things of the past.. I look forward to the future and what god has planned in my destiny of things. Things can only get better right?

Anyway... Sunday night after working at the mall I saw a meteor enter the earth's atmosphere it was really cool as it burnt up with a beautiful blueish hue. Its all over the news.. Its a unique experience to see I must say. They say a sighting of the such is extremely rare as it usually only happens over the oceans.. So that makes it a wonderful experience to see in my mind :).

So a new season is upon me. This season was so short at being a mall maintenance worker. Things are going to change for the better I think.. I'm proclaiming it as mine because the bible says that god wishes for us to prosper.. So IT HAS TO BE TRUE RIGHT!?!?!

If my mind thinks what I thinks it thinks is right then I feel that god told and allowed me to take the job at the mall to get caught up with rent,bills, etc now I'm up to date and were good. But I think I also had to learn something called "Availability", God spoke to me so much at that job. Why? Maybe because I was willing and able to listen? Hmmmm... I think that might be it.. Learning to pay attention :D

This also leaves me with more free time again.. Which is good I think.. I might be able to blog about what god has been teaching me while working at the mall.. That would be good don't you think? :) I sure do..

I don't know I just feel meh... What can I say LOL

Josh

The Real Story!

2007-03-05T02:38:00.000-05:00

This is a full testament of my life and my testimony of God.

I guess I should really start from the beginning you see. I was born July 20Th 1983 to Ken and Bev. I was born with hair (imagine that huh?)... All joking aside here is my story.

My story starts when I was 17 or so. I for the most part was quiet a loner and quiet type of person. I enjoyed life to the fullest that I thought one could do. Mind you I wouldn't say I was a party animal. But I did get involved in drugs. I would do many immoral things in my youth that would be considered a sin. This is my pretext to where everything changed in my life not for the worst which I would perceive at the time but for the better.

On a night in August 2000, A band that I had seen on mp3.com and previously seen at scene 2000 was having a CD release party at the Frathouse in St.catharines. I decided that since I liked there music I would like to go see them play again and to congratulate them on their new CD. I made arrangements with my dad to drive me there and that I would proceed to walk home after the venue was over. The CD release party went on without a hitch and was a great show. By the time all was said and done it was about 1-2am in the morning. I felt quiet Ency about walking home but decided in my mind that I wasn't to far from home and I should be OK to walk.

After about 10 minutes I was around the corner from my house and I seen a group of 8 people walking through the park near my house. As our paths crossed we both continued to walk past each other. As I was about to the corner I heard someone yell "Hey do you have a spare smoke?". I proceeded to say no because I had 1 left and it was all I had for the night. Then I began to walk again to get home. Then one of the guys ran up to me and wanted to talk. For unknown reason to me I talked to them. As we were talking one of the guys punched me in the chest and I fell down as I was not expecting to get hit. The person that had hit me began to laugh saying "Holy crap, He fell". I got up and swore some words and said what was that for. He proceeded to say he didn't know. After that happened 2 of the guys that were with them said something of the likes of "Your F.... crazy" and they proceeded to leave. As I attempted to leave and get home. One of the other guys pulled me aside and asked me something at which I can not recollect what was said to me. But one thing that rings clear to this day to what he said to me next "You better not be lying to me, cause if you are I will kill you, I've killed before". Had this been a hallow threat or something quiet serious I did not know. But it made my hair stand up on the back of my neck. He then proceeded to direct me back to the group of his fellow friends (Thugs). The guy that originally pulled me aside said something. Again I can't recall what was said, but the next thing I knew was I was running for dear life towards my house. I had never felt my legs move so fast. But my speed was not enough as one of them caught up to me and swiped my feet from under me. I was now laying on the curb on a sewer drain cover. One of the 6 guys remaining proceeded to take a running start and jump on my chest. I than proceeded to get kicked and punched all over by these people. And then... It stopped... And I didn't really know why at the time. But what happened next freaked me out as the person who originally had hit me and laughed when I fell had pulled his friends off me and said "GO!", "Just go!". As he said this I looked at him and he looked scared out of his whits. So I got myself up and ran home without my hat which had fallen off as I ran for dear life.

You would think something as dramatic as this would dramatize someone. Well it sure did for me. I became a hermit in my own home. I became depressed and even suicidal in the passing months of this event. I did not return to school that year in fear for my life. At this point and time in my life. I felt so alone and unsure of what I could do to stop my panic attacks and fear of other people. It was to the point that I would not leave my own home without someone with me for fear of being attacked again. I searched for help through doctors and the likes. But nothing ever helped me I was the same day after day. I became even more discouraged because of this and I became even more desperate for help that I even contemplated taking my own life. So as I knew it would hurt the people around me if I did that I decided I would look into other methods of finding my life again. So what I found was wiccan and meditation. I won't go to deep into that but lets say it didn't go anywhere...

So one day I decided to talk to my friend Paul more as he was a So Called Christian maybe he held some answers that would help me rehabilitate my life. So I started asking questions as to "how can you prove god exists","Do you really think god cares?","If god exists why would he let this happen to me?". I was looking for something, but I was still very hostile against god and how all my "Stuff" had unfolded on the bad side of things. As we talked about these questions Paul said he would like to meet me at some point to talk about these things and so he could pray for me. Eventually that day had come and he drove down to see me and to talk. For the first time since the incident I felt that someone other than my family actually cared about me. And cared for my well being. He even kept his promise to pray for me. Can you believe he actually prayed for me??? I couldn't... It kinda freaked me out! But After that meeting we continued to talk for months on going on several topics on god and as I was also watching "The 700 Club" I gave my life to god. But yet I was still living in my sin and sure I was developing a relationship with god and I was slowly but surely returning back to my normal self. But I still had a long way to go. Paul kept suggesting I find a church to gain wisdom in the lord and gain fellowship with other Christians. But I would have none of that. As I used to be a Jehovah's Witness I didn't want to give my Sundays away to a church. Nope me and god can just talk for now. Those were my boundaries and those boundaries were set in stone. Eventually I said fine... Do you know anyone in St.Catharines that is good that I can at least meet first? He said "Yes" and so I went to meet this youth pastor who didn't really care as it seemed. So I basically blew it off and went on continuing on what I was doing. Paul would continue to come see me and take me out when I got depressed. It was a great influence in my life at the time and kept me some what happy. It was probably the darkest time in my life. It wasn't easy but I made it through with the help of a friend that would not give up. A friend that showed there are real people in this world that give, but expect nothing back.

This was the beginning of my relationship with god. But before I go on I know you are probably wondering why the boy that originally had hit me looked so scared... :)

Later in life I found out why when I was at a prayer meeting where I reside now and god told me why. To put it simply he said that he had sent one of his angels to protect me and to keep me. It kinda makes you think.. Am I truly that important? I will leave that for you to answer for yourself :).

As I've been writing this god keeps reminding me of a time Paul and I were in my room after I got kick out of my dad's house. Paul had come down to see me because again I was depressed not because of the latter incident but because of the situation I was in living with violent drunks. I had no where to go. I couldn't move back home. I was alone and had to put up with it. So he drove down to take me to movie and for something to eat to get my mind off things. But before we left to see the movie we went in my room to talk and he (if my memory serves me) felt the need to pray for protection and covering. Well what ended up happening freaked me out! As he was praying I could feel something weird over my body it was as if a sheet was put over my head. I opened my eyes as he was praying and I was like holy moly! Once he finished I was like "DID you feel that??" and I think I confused him cause he was like Feel what? And I explained what I had felt and he was like in a laughing sort of way "oh that was the holy spirit". It was something that was so cool and different. That was the first time I had ever felt the holy spirit. It was different yet peaceful.. Go figure....

Eventually because of the drunks my mom said enough is enough and she flew me out to Seattle, WA where she lives. I stayed there for 6 months and was planning to move up to British Columbia. But because of the lack of work there of. I was sent back to Ontario to my dad's where I was not welcome by my step mom and stayed a week. So I had called my friend Paul and asked for help. He let me come to Brantford to live with him and give me a roof over my head. When I first arrived it was great I was actually welcome some where. I felt abandoned by everyone, My dad, My mom, everyone and Paul yet again showed that he cared. Eventually over time I moved out on my own. And then tragedy stuck my life again...

I was working on that Saturday of Oct 29Th 2005 and I had tried to get my friend to come over the previous 2 weeks to chill out. But this week I did not ask her to come over. Yet she asked me if I wanted her to come over.. I was like sure... I later found out she was supposed to go to a wedding that night but she felt She HAD to come over for an unknown reason to her. And I thank god that he instilled that in her to come over. As we walked to my house from work I was thinking a lot about my dad as I had been the last 2 weeks. I had no idea why he had been on my mind so much.. We than ordered a pizza to eat and put in a movie to watch. Then the phone rung and I wasn't going to answer but something said I should answer it. Why I don't know. I picked up my phone and it was my Aunt Yvonne. I hadn't heard nor seen her in over 3 years but yet she was calling me.. She asked how I was and how I've been. Then she cut to the chase. As I will never forget this call I will do direct quotes..

Yvonne: Are you sitting down?
me: No why?
Yvonne: Josh you dad died today.
me: *Silence*
Yvonne: Are you OK? Your not saying anything.
me: Yeah.
Yvonne: are you sure?
me: no.
Yvonne: Are you OK?
me: no.
Yvonne: Give me your address I want to come get you.
me: *Address*
Yvonne: Alright were on our way to get you.
me: OK...
Yvonne: We've been trying to get a hold of you all day. We tried your old # in Seattle. But we couldn't find you.. We had to call 411..
Yvonne: Ryan's coming to get you he will be there shortly..
me: OK. See you soon.

As you can see it wasn't an easy call.. Its even more harder writing it...

But while I was on the phone I told Kelly she was going to have to call a cab. And she said OK and she started to clean up the dishes for me. After I got off the phone I told Kelly and then I collapsed and she ran over and held me and took me to my couch. I feel that this brought me and Kelly closer as friends. After that I felt sick to my stomach and well yeah I got sick from the shock of it.. After that I called Paul and told him. He said he would be over in a few minutes as he only lives a few blocks away. Then I decided to call my mom and tell her she asked if I wanted her there. I said I did not know. But she flew down from Seattle for the funeral and it was great to have her there for support.

In all of this I think the most amazing thing has to be before my dad sold his house Paul felt I should go to st.Catharines to see my dad this would have been March or April and we took a bunch of pictures and we talked on how things were and such. And so while we were there they offered me some pop so I was like sure. Cool!. As Paul and myself went to leave I remembered I forgot my pop and I felt that we HAD TO go back and for him. So I told Paul we had to go back to pray. So we did and I made Paul pray because I felt like I would screw it up whatever I was supposed to pray. So Paul prayed for some things for my dad. After that we left. After the funeral as I talked to my step mom she told me because of that day that my dad has seen a real change in my heart and that he wanted that too. And he gave his heart to god because of that. And then I realized the true concept of what my pastor likes to say "Obedience is Success". What would have happened if we didn't go back? I don't know, but what I do know is that my dad accepted god with his full heart. That gave me peace in my heart. I ended up speaking at the funeral and said what I wanted to say. I won't go into the whole speech but if you look up October in my blog you can read that for yourself.

You see I'm not bloging for the sake of blogging about my life. God has been speaking to me about many things over this past year. I lost my job for over 6 months being unemployed. I learnt to trust god more and he began to speak to me a lot! But the most of revelation has been coming since I got my 2ND job recently. Over the past month has been amazing. #1 god has doubled my wages.. WOW! #2 As I was working god was speaking to me in a song about why do you they reject me, why won't they listen. And I believe that god has and wanted me to share what he has done for me. You see I went through a lot of difficult things. But I'm still here, stronger then ever. I hope you can see that god's hand was in these situations. God cares more about you and me than we can even imagine. God's grace is sufficient for me. I hope in some way that this can encourage you in your faith even if you have none that it will plant a seed of faith in your heart to seek after god!

I thank you for reading and I hope it wasn't to long for you!

God Bless

Josh

New Design

2007-02-27T10:55:00.000-05:00

Well I have redid my whole blog design. Hope you like it. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think of it.

Mind you its still a work in progress!!!

God bless

Unbelievable

2007-01-29T00:52:00.000-05:00

What can I say? God rocks!

So much has happened since I last posted. So many times, some many days I've meant to post something. Mostly on what god has been saying to me.. I even wrote a whole article on Evangelism but that some how went missing and at this point I can't rewrite it because I've been extremely busy... I do almost 60 hours a week between 2 jobs these days. Yes I got a second job. It has it perks and it's negatives. One being I can finally pay all my debt off. Which is amazing because its been a long time coming. I've seen god take me from place to place over the past year. What can I say "He knows best". I can see the trail I have walked and where I've come out triumphant. I really can't express my utter amazement of what god has been doing to me over the past year. I has and was a very tough road of learning to trust on god in "ALL" things, Including finances.

God has taken me from loosing my job and brought me to a new job almost a year later. God has been teaching me to humble myself. God brought me to Wendy's Restaurant and that helped me get back onto my feet. Now god has brought me my second job as a Maintenance worker for lynden park mall here in Brantford to allow me to pay off my debt. How is that not amazing? God is providing for me with work to help me reach my ultimate goals. I can sincerely say I don't know what is coming next. But I hope to continue to become more humble and persistent after God in all things.

The bad part about having this second job is I have had to stop doing Kids ministry and stop attending Sunday service. But that's okay for now. As god is preparing me for something more. I feel it in my soul, I feel gods joy in me and that's a good thing. At least for me it is.

As I was driving home today a song I never heard before came on the radio and it was just speaking to me. It's an awesome song and I came to find out its was by Avril Lavigne - Keep holding on... If you read the words it make sense... So I've posted the video below.. Maybe it can speak to others as well not just me..

Stagnant

2006-12-05T19:51:00.000-05:00

Today is a day in a long while that I've gotten to post whats on my mind. It's something I have been putting off for some time. And rightfully so.

A day doesn't go by that I don't think of my father I'm with a daily reminder of him. Something that I thought I could never do is think about 1 thing every day. But it has and its not for the good reasons of it all. I think a lot about the past and its hurtful to me to remember the things of old. The things of hurt that have encumbered my heart and has been holding me back. I have yet to have resolution to the results in my dad's death. And this bothers me quiet a bit.

My relationship with god has been null and void the last while. Its as if I've hit a rock wall and can not get through. I believe I've reached a stalemate for the time being. My spiritual life is stale and old. I see everyone going further but I remain stagnant and its frustrating. Mind you I know people are going to say its my fault and I will say i tend to agree. I have so much passion for people, but church has become a chore for me, most of the time I don't want to be there. I go because people will wonder about where I've been or why I wasn't there and I can't bother to get called on the phone. I know this is a harsh way of thinking but its how I feel and I want to be open and honest with my friends and family who actually read this. Maybe they can pray for me. And I hope they can and will. But if I'm not honest then they can't help me right?

a lot of my problems I feel stem from my dad. Most of the time its "Ever since my dad died ....." or "Before I got jumped......". But mostly before my dad died. I believe this are 2 turning points in my life. Stuff where things went into a revolt in my spirit and things changed if I liked it or not. Some things were extremely good some were very painful to go through. Most of the time I just feel like crying. But because of my arrogance and my pride I hold it back because after all I'm a man and men don't cry right?

Its funny because I rented "Click" on Friday and that movie made me cry a lot at the end where he says good bye to his father. I know this roots from my own personal experience with my dad and loosing him. And the same would go for "ladder 49" where he dies in the fire. I tend to believe I've become bitter and feeling mad with everything. And it doesn't help when at work I'm surrounded by negativity either. I like my job but dislike the people I work with because they're so rude!!

I really hope I can get past this and move on I don't know the cause of it as of late. God hasn't spoken to me in ages and I feel abandoned. That's where I am....

Please pray for me..

Remebered Always

2006-10-29T09:53:00.001-05:00

Today is a day that I sit back and remember my father. A man lost, but yet saved by the grace of god. The pain that I have felt has since subsided but is a daily reminder to my every day life. Especially this past 2 weeks where I have preparing myself for the unknowing of what might happen. Will I be emotional? I don't know. But I will remember him on this day.

Kenneth (July 10, 1961 - October 29Th, 2005)
Suddenly at home on October 29Th, 2005 at the age of 44. Beloved husband of Elizabeth, loving father of Joshua and step-father of Larry and Bim. Son of Katherine and Cecil Emilson. He will be sadly missed by sisters and brothers: Yvonne Litke (Martin), Dianne Emilson, Dana Emilson (Jackie) and Charlene Filiatreault (Eric). Also survived by his mother in law Elisa Gadon and sisters and brothers in law Gemma and Roger Fortaleza, Erlinie, Josephine, Ginalyn and Jhonny. He will be missed by many nieces, nephews and great nieces. Predeceased by a nephew Dustyn (2000) and his father in law Eliseo Gadon. Kenneth will be sadly missed by his entire family and friends.

Here is a repost of the tribute video I made for my father:

Stubborn

2006-10-23T04:14:00.000-04:00

Man am I stubborn. Its not often one realizes something about them selves. Yes I'm very stubborn or so says god. I think I had to learn the hard way. As my friend would say "I told you so... Why don't you ever listen to me?" - Paul

You see in my church all the leaders tithe and well I wasn't tithing for the time I've been at Freedom house on a rare occasion I did and before I moved out on my own I cut my tithing off because I had to save money for first/last and well I never got back into tithing after that. See before I started to tithe and till after I moved out on my own my excuses has always been "I can't afford to tithe" (As Paul would say "That's an excuse" and I would say with arrogance "No its a fact"). Do you see that stubbornness? There's probably a bit of arrogance in there too! And once I was on my own my thought process began to say well your on your own now so you can't ever tithe because if you do, you won't be able to pay your bills. You got more responsibility, you now have to pay a phone bill, hydro and even more rent then you paid before. And I hate to say I fell into that lie that Satan wanted me to believe. So from August 2004 till March 2005 I didn't tithe at all. This is what I feel god has been trying to teach me since I was released from my job in March 2005 and were now in Oct 2006. I'm stubborn I suppose to hear gods voice, or I'm mostly unsure if its actually god telling me things. I usually think I'm talking to myself. But on those rare occasions there is without a doubt that god is trying to tell me something and this is one of those instances. God has also been speaking something else to me as well, but I will reserve that for another post as I'm sure it will be lengthy as well.See I believe even through stubbornness god still uses it for his purpose. For the sake of an example would be when god sent Moses/Aaron to Pharaoh numerous times to let his chose people "Israel" go from slavery. I believe all things that I have learnt and also yet to be learnt can benefit others as well. That's why I try to share these things (for the most part anyhow)

See I've learnt from going from over $1200.00/month down to close to $800.00 which was a shell shock for me. Unemployment insurance doesn't pay you a lot, but then again its not supposed to. And I started to became behind on my bills in these past months, I'm luckily enough to say I never lost my apartment in all of this. You see I tend to worry a lot, there were several occasions where I felt there is no way I'm going to ever be able to stay in Brantford. I felt at times that I should give up and go back to st.catharines (my home town) where I could move in with family and not have to worry about bills anymore, at least for a little while. In the end I really didn't want to have to leave Brantford, but because of my worrying I made things worst then they actually were, But at times I couldn't stop myself from thinking things. In the end I was cursing myself, speaking words of death into the situation instead of life.

In the 7 months that I've been off I've seen people show me that they cared about me and there desire for me to stay in Brantford was the same as mine to want me to stay here. My church, My friends and god are my anchor they all work together to help me better myself and others. They give me the emotional support and guidance that I truly need where as my family cannot back in st.catharines. So instead of put my tail between my legs and run to where I know I would be able to survive I decided because god has always said to me "That Brantford is apart of my destiny".

Around September is where I began to worry the most because my Phone Bill and my hydro bill were 3 months behind. I became very frustrated at this point because I had no idea how these things were going to get paid. So I began to question what god had spoke to me and at one point I decided to talk to my pastor and my friend Paul about me moving back to st.catharines because it was becoming to hard for me. Paul and My Pastor both thought it was a bad decision as did I, but what choice did I have. Because if my phone got turned off I couldn't get any calls for jobs. If I had no hydro I couldn't even cook. At that point I became very angry at god. I hate to say it but I felt abandoned. I began to yell at god in prayer saying "WHAT IS I NEED TO DO TO GET PAST THIS? WHAT DO I GOT TO LEARN?".. But I basically got no answer. He decided to remain silent and use others like my friends, and my pastor.

To sum that up My bills got paid by a friend and the pastor helped me with some money so my rent check didn't bounce. God used people to resolve my worrying and I'm able to stay in Brantford because of that. So then I began to think well if god helped me with my bills then whats next, where is a job for me. I need a job!!! With that in mind I went to my small group at Dave's house and we were discussing and we started to discuss prayer and how every time we pray when I'm there and at church they pray Aloud (with there voice). But I like to do it in my head because I feel like I'm talking to myself if I actually speak it with my lips. Dave then responded with "I'm going to challenge you on that". And so I didn't take that challenge for a few days and then I felt like god actually wanted me to speak a prayer to him, so I did my best that I could without trying to feel stupid, mind you it took me a hour to do it. But I prayed my prayer aloud and asked about a job and the next day I received 2 phone calls for interviews. Mind you I had one the week before but that one got cancelled and this was a reschedule. But god prepared that as well and I can now say I'm a working man again. I officially start tomorrow "Monday Oct 25Th".

Now through all this time of being off I finally got my answer to why it took so long, god was teaching me the hard way about tithing, that it is valid, that it is not just paying a pastor, but a true act of obedience. Sure I heard it every Sunday or so, but you see "I'M STUBBORN!". Now even though I am making less money then I was before there is still a surplus of money to tithe. I was unfortunate enough to believe the lie wanted me to believe and I had to pay for it the hard way.

The moral of the story?: BE OBEDIENT!!!

Are you Ready?

2006-10-10T18:54:00.000-04:00

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Are you ready for god?

At the point

2006-09-28T04:34:00.000-04:00

I'm at a point in my life that I can't go further in my walk with god without giving it all up. No not giving up on god, but giving up on the things that we call earthly treasures. As many months have gone by in my walk with god. I feel that god has asked from me for nothing but complete surrender and obedience.

I'm truly and honestly willing at this point. My life this past year has been one of the most difficult times in all my life. Heartache and pain is just the beginning of my now broken vase that I call my life. And you know what? That broken vase is my testimony. Because we are to be made new from day to day which would also mean that we must die to ourselves day in and day out.

That broken vase represents a life of old and now I am made new to be change even more. To be stretched for the will of god. A vase that tells the story of the loss of my father(dad), the loss of my job, the pain and turmoil I've held in for what seems like forever, just to name a few.

I am changed because god made it so. And I pray that my walk shall never end for I want to go from Glory to Glory. At this point in my life I am willing and able to see god's glory fall on my city, my country and my life. God is my provider and he will bring provision in regards to a job or even more. I give you thanks for these hardships god cause it shows you trust me and wish to help me to continue to grow! Because if you aren't going through any hard ships you should truly and honestly ask god why he doesn't trust you...

Provision

2006-09-05T03:48:00.000-04:00

Well some events have come to light..

#1. I'm quiet lazy at times and refuse to post on my blog ROFL. Or I'm just to busy for it and/or nothing interesting..

#2. Gods provision is always at the correct timing.

#3. Even though my dad is gone. I still have a father in Christ and god has provisioned a father like figure in my life. You know who you are (PAUL).

God speaks to me a lot if I like it or not! It just comes in as I'm sitting here just pondering on the last 24 hours god was speaking to me that his love hasn't changed and his provision is sufficient in HIS TIMING.

I've been praying for closure in my life with my fathers passing and the stuff that surrounds it. Step mom mostly. But its always been a One sided part of the story I have been receiving. A distortion if you may or a blur of the unknowing the truth that my family tends to think is the correctness of the situation. Gods provision is on its way and I see his steps in front of mine.

For example My Camera broke. It refuses to turn on.... Ugh and I even belong to a Photo club through my friend (Paul). And I haven't been able to do that. At first I thought it was the battery's so I charged them and the screen blinks on for a split second and then refuses to actually work. So I don't know what is up with it. Well god knows the desires of our hearts and he dose answer our prayers.

Well things have come to light that I will be receiving a new camera and I will be receiving my fathers jewelry from my step mom. The jewelry holds a lot of sentimental value to me. You know there isn't one day I don't think about my dad! As some of you may or may not know about my tattoo! That holds more meaning day after day and that's very meaningful to me.

An another note of Gods provision.... God spoke to me of the Philippines about 7-8 months ago. And I've actually got offered to go in a year or so. It had me really thinking which I had a discussion with my friend Paul about if god really says something in advance and it comes later. He said sometimes it takes years or decades for something like that to happen. I believe this is gods provision for him to send me to the Philippines to learn more about what he wants me to learn.. (to become more like Christ).

I like like many others in my church just want to see a honest undeniable unmistakable move of god. And I'm starting to get the picture of what that actually means. God has a plan for us all, a destiny if you will and mines starting to unfold. I'm not going to go all prophetic and say that I'm going to the Philippines to do gods work. Hes brought the idea and started it. I will need to continue to pray and see what god wishes me to do in these moments of his provision.

You will be done on earth as it is in heaven!

Amen and amen

Josh

Saved!

2006-08-13T05:13:00.000-04:00

Well Saturday was a lot of fun! Myself and many other volunteers helped run Fam Jam. A big outreach for families in Brantford, ONT. It was a great event that went on without a hitch. Had free food, drinks, free air rides such as the Castle, Obstacle course, bungee and the slide. Which was accompanied by lots of music and even a drama which I was included.

The day was quiet warm, but luckily I had sun tan lotion on so I didn't get burnt. I ran the Air castle which happened to collapse no more then 3 times. And a real big collapse once. Due to kids falling on the net it would make the roof drop.. But during the event the plug on the ride just blew off which led me to rush into the tent to get all the kids out while I held the ride up so no one got hurt. These things weigh a lot about 600lbs and when it goes it can crush a kid. But everyone proceeded to get out safely due to fast thinking of myself and other volunteers running over to fix the plug. But it was all good.. No real danger though :).

Once 3pm hit we shut down all the rides and Bob Sullivan began to speak, sing etc. Then drama team was called up. Which was myself, Luke, Jacob, Lindsey, Jessica and Bob, and Denny, Adam.

I myself was a demon in the play as well was Adam. Jessica was the girl who was to be beaten by myself and Adam as a victim. Bob was Jesus, Jacob, Luke and Lindsey were partyers who drank, did drugs (smoke and needle). The play was called "Chains" and is a great play. To keep it short the play goes like this....

partyers come on stage screaming PARTY!! drink lots and smoke drugs. Then Jessica comes on and says what are you doing and they try and make her do what there doing. Shes reluctant at first but then joins in on the party. As this is happening Denny puts chains on her arms and legs as she is being put into bondage of these things. Denny then throws her on the ground and myself and Adam start to hit her with Plastic bats. After some time (I GET HIT IN THE FACE AND BLEED!!!!!!!) Satan say "ENOUGH!!!" and we fall back in wake. Satan yells I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL to the crowd. He then throws Jessica back on the ground and music continues to play. Satan then says DEPRESSION! And Adam runs up threatens her with the bat and drops it on the ground. Then myself which was yelled "FEAR!!!" and i do the same as Adam. Then Satan returns and threatens her with a gun! Then Satan yells DEATH!!!! And puts the gun to her head and gives her the gun.. She contemplates it and then gets up with the chains on and yells at the people who made her do the drugs and yells "WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME!?!?!?!" the partyers (Jacob, Lindsey, Luke) then show that they have chains on there hands as they are ensnared into the bondage of these things as well. They then sit down and Jessica proceeds to yell into the crowd this time "SOMEONE HELP ME! PLEASE! WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME!!!" she then goes down on her knees and looks at the gun again looking for help and then proceeds to stand. Jesus is then being resurrected off the cross and us demons and Satan fall to the ground in fear. Jessica then yells "JESUS HELP ME!" she then falls into Jesus arms and Jesus proceeds to remove the chains and throw the gun down. Jesus then hugs Jessica and puts his foot down on Satan!

The play was great. Although I got a bat in the face (PLASTIC) and I had fun beating up on Jessica with those bats it was well worth the day of the heat and the collapses.. Because in the end 44 people accepted Christ that day. It was an Honor to be there and to be apart of such a great thing to see 44 people come to Christ. I say AMEN TO THAT! Then we proceeded to give away bikes, TVs and so forth. All in all the day was great :)

God bless

Your driving to fast!

2006-08-06T21:17:00.000-04:00

Tonight was church and it was fun. But as I sat and just dwelt on life it seemed to overcome me with the things that have yet to have closer in my life. As I thought on these matters our pastor asked people to stand up who wanted prayer in regards to what we were talking about. As I stood up reluctantly I began to think of

Luke 12: 22-28

Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith.

Its a verse that comes up a lot in my life. Because as I grow god wants me to trust him more and it seems to get deeper and deeper into the meaning of this verse. As Dave was praying over me god began to speak to me and show me a vision of me in a hopped up go kart and I was driving recklessly to get my way to the goal, for closer in a job, my dad, my family, and so forth. God went on to say "If I wanted a back seat driver I would ask for one". You see we all try to make deals with god, say lets get there the fastest we can take this short cut. You ever have that? Kids, maybe your spouse yelling at you and your like "I don't need a backseat driver". You see god is in the drivers seat. Hes our chiefer per say. He takes care of the road that is less travelled to get us there safely and to teach us all something. Trust is an extremely big issue for me. To trust someone takes a lot of time and a lot of dedication. In my life there are very few people I do trust. God has been trying to stretch me on the trust thing with him first off. And I can't say its easy, blind faith is extremely hard at times and sometimes I don't feel like I'm up to the challenge. So all in all I believe god is saying "Let me drive. I will take you there safely, Trust me!" and I'm trying my best to let him drive. But sometimes that back seat driver bites you in the butt and you gotta say something. But I guess I just need to go for the ride. In gods timing is something I like to hate, but in time I believe that the problems that riddle my heart and my mind will come to a close and I will be made new again.

So in closing I think that sometimes we just need to slow down and listen to what god has to say instead of doing it in our own means. I'm sure I will still try and do it but hey I'm only human :|

Josh

Tribute Video To my Dad

2006-07-19T15:17:00.000-04:00


My dad was murdered Oct 29th 2005. This is a video tribute to him. Took about 4 hours to make to have it look the way I wanted it to! I hope you enjoy it! Please leave comments :) On a side note Google video makes the song sound funny! LOL.. And my birthday is 1 day away as it being the 19th now 12:16 am :\|.. I feel old

FREE FOOD!!!

2006-07-15T20:55:00.000-04:00

Hello my little ankle biters!

Well Friday night was a lot of fun! Pastor Brian announced that they were doing some out reach in the city of Brantford on Friday nights by just sitting around the church and talking as people go by. Some stop, some just keep on walking. We want to get to know the down town core people.

So last night I went to help out. To serve. To make new friends and most of all to learn from the experience. I must say it was fun to help out. Dave cooked the first round of hamburgers... Then he asked me to do it. So I cooked Hamburgers and hot dogs and handed them out to the people passing by. I must say it was a humbling experience. As the night went on it started to rain on us. Which called for us to pack in. But we did get some hours it from 9pm-1am. It was great and you could really feel gods presences in the atmosphere of us just letting him do the work and us just being there. Even the fire department came because someone said we were having a bomb fire... I blame it on the grease that was causing the BBQ to have huge flames. Not dramatic or anything. Just big for a BBQ..

Either way I can't wait till next Friday to do it again. Hopefully get to cook food again as I feel of some how involved in this blooming ministry.

On a side note I have also been constructing a tribute video for my dad that passed on. I hope to give it to the family when its done. :)

God bless and keep on trucking!

Josh

Tribute Tattoo

2006-07-11T21:52:00.000-04:00

As per someones request to show the tattoo which is in tribute to my father as well as my beliefs in Christ. Here is a picture of it:

This tattoo is on the upper left arm and holds something very special to my heart.

Happy Birthday Dad

2006-07-10T01:36:00.000-04:00

A day of reflection is the day for me. Today is my dad's birthday. He would have been 45 today if things hadn't unfolded the way they had. Today is a day that I sit back and reflect on a man who taught me to be a man, how to shave, how to drive, among many other things. As my father has now departed we still remember. As many of you don't know my father was murdered Oct 29Th 2005. As a tribute I got myself a tattoo in remembrance of him. Today I remember a man who taught me many things. Today is a day to remember my dad!

Mindless rambles

2006-07-07T01:51:00.000-04:00

Sorry about my absence.. :) I just haven't had anything interesting to write about and god hasn't given me something interesting to say so.. :|

Anyway.. July 1st was fun! My Buddy Paul and myself and Daniel and Katie made it to the Park where the fun was for the day. They're was a lot of kids I tell ya LOL. Our Church was involved in the festivity's which was run by our Children's Ministry Leader Nicki! Shes an amazing woman, very energetic. I just love her intensity and desire for god and the children's ministry she runs. So we had that and then there were kids from The School of Dance. They were amazing dancers. There was also free face Painting. Free air type based jumping things for the kids as well as a Titanic type air type ride that was a slide.

As well for the Adults there was the beer tent, Live bands, lots of merchandise. My favourite thing had to be the Indian dancers, They were great. I love the multicultural society I live in.

As of late I've been pretty good. Trying to catch up on bills which is a hard one at that :|. But I'm trying my best to get back on my feet the best I can. But I've been really emotional like never before. I think its a mix of things, first of all my dad's birthday is in 3 days. My step dad's in 4 days. Mine is in 13 days. And I have hardly any money. When I file this sat for my Unemployment insurance all that money will be going to rent for July.. As I'm already late.. But I'm going to try and get to a food bank for some help. And the church might be able to help as well.

I also found out tonight that my friend Danielle (Female) was also fired this week for no apparent reason from where I used to work before they fired me also. I can think of about 20 people I know that have since been released. Its crazy how bad NCO is in Brantford.

You know my friends are going to say I'm all over the place with this post. But its true I am. But oh well :D..

Like I was saying I've been really emotional lately. No I haven't cried. I'm trying my best not to do that. But its how I feel so much in doing. I really can't say for sure what this emotion is all about cause I honestly don't know. Maybe cause I feel like a failure. But we all know that's a lie as my friends tell me. But I don't know anymore where my life is going. I really want to go school through our church for Ministry work. I'm trying to apply for O.S.A.P. to see if I can get funding to go in September. I hope this is possible for me to go.

Please keep me in your prayers for finding a job or that god will continue to provide for my needs to survive. I'd be grateful!

Be safe and god bless

Josh

Our desensitized Culture

2006-06-23T03:49:00.000-04:00

In our day and age our culture is an ever changing event. I've come to see that as culture has progressed things have gotten worst in many ways. For example if we look back into 1932 we would find the horror genre in a multitude of many films of the quote on quote scary movies. One comes to mind of "The Mummy" which at the time was considered a scary movie. As statistics would show in that time culture in the America's were pro dominantly of Christian Origin. Now that being said from my research most of these films had to do either with Dracula, Mummy's, Frankenstein or of a creature origin. One of the most memorable films from the era would be "Dr Jeckll and Mr Hyde" in my opinion.

Now moving forward to the 1950's era we would find such films as "The War of the Worlds","House Of Wax","Tarantula","The Blob" to name a few. As we can see things have progressed to Aliens, and more creatures. So our fear level or resistance to what used to be feared has now been basically ineffective for the scare tactic. Things needed to be taken to the next step.

Now if we jump ahead yet again to one of the most prevalent horror movies of all time! "The Exorcist" released in 1973 was one of the most fearful movies of its time, it brought Demons to the horror genre. And that type of fear is still generated to this day. As shown by film history we could come to expect such films as "The Omen" released in 1976, "The Amityville Horror" released in 1979, "The Poltergeist" which was released in 1982. All of these films have brought many sequels to the table but in the end they all have a demonic origin.

And to current times we find Sex, Drugs, and Violence on our television sets and in our movies. We've gone from foolish animal monsters to things that should not be meddled with. We have taught ourselves to not fear things that are quiet real in the respects to demonic things.

So my question is why have we allowed our culture to change to such an extreme as these? And if we've gone this far in the last 60 years or so where will our perspective be in another 60? Where will our culture be?

But in closing, We as Christians must live our lives the best we can. Especially not to follow a flock of people who say this and that is the "IN" thing. We are called to live life the best we can by staying clear from these things.

Leviticus 20:26
You are to be holy to me [a] because I, the LORD, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own

I hope you enjoyed my rant! Let us discuss :D

Josh

I am to blessed

2006-06-21T02:30:00.000-04:00

Tonight was pretty cool! I went to Revolution which is a young adults group at my church. And one of the worship leaders was speaking to us about destiny and such. And I would have to say it spoke to me because I don't have dreams anymore. Life is just bleh to me at this point. I'm going to be 23 next month (July 20Th to be exact). And really I don't see anything that is to look forward to. Other then my Desires of what I want to do and such. But those things seem so far off.

Like I helped for the first time in the church in respect to ministry for Operation God which is a children's ministry on Saturday. This Saturday is the last one till September. But were having a party. But my deepest desire is to be in ministry and grow and help others grow. And the other thing I REALLY want to do right now as well is a school that the church is doing. But I can't afford to do it unless I get O.S.A.P.. And if you attend this school you won't be able to work due to the long hours of the courses. 8hrs a day from my understanding. Plus my Pastor said no working LOL! I guess there would be lots of homework or something.. But if some miracle happened and I was able to attend there would still be the means of surviving the next 9 months without a job! So its a catch 22. :|. But I don't know anymore, everything seems so hard these days. I'm still out of work too! But here's what I've been thinking as of late. Me being out of work the last 3 months or so. Is this preparation for something new and bigger? I know I'm learning lots and such. But is it possible I might be able to attend this school by some miracle? Is this where things are leading? Or maybe me helping at the Summer camp at the church as well! I really hope to do that most of all! My desires burn like fire. They are hard to contain the joy I get from it. And I felt that joy for the first time on Saturday. I mean its feels amazing to help! It leaves you feeling of something of worth. Like you did something worth while. And there's nothing better then that I'd have to say.

Well I better run.. God bless

Josh

Religion Test

2006-06-19T05:11:00.000-04:00

I took this test today on what you believe in and what you most compair to in the religion sects.

Heres my results:

1. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (100%)
2. Orthodox Quaker (94%)
3. Seventh Day Adventist (94%)
4. Eastern Orthodox (88%)
5. Roman Catholic (88%)
6. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (74%)
7. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (74%)
8. Orthodox Judaism (61%)
9. Hinduism (59%)
10. Jehovah's Witness (58%)
11. Sikhism (57%)
12. Islam (50%)
13. Liberal Quakers (48%)
14. Unitarian Universalism (45%)
15. Reform Judaism (44%)
16. Bah�'� Faith (42%)
17. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (38%)
18. Neo-Pagan (35%)
19. Scientology (33%)
20. Mahayana Buddhism (30%)
21. Jainism (30%)
22. Theravada Buddhism (29%)
23. New Age (25%)
24. Secular Humanism (25%)
25. New Thought (24%)
26. Taoism (20%)
27. Nontheist (17%)

so according to this test I am "Mainline to Conservative Christian". Why don't you take the test and see how you fair, you can take the test at http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html. Its only 20 questions it dosen't take to long.

I go all over

2006-06-15T05:22:00.000-04:00

You know what I get told a lot? I can't keep on 1 subject for to long. I think this will be another one of those things (DAVE,PAUL!) Yes I know I do. But oh well! :)

So I joined this photo club my buddy Paul is running. Its pretty cool and fun! The thing I'm starting to realize is that my 1.3mp camera is crappy! The pictures Sam,Paul,Fred, among other members of the flicker photo club have awesome pictures. I'm coming to realized I could really use a better camera :|. Maybe god will allow me to get one for my birthday which mind you is July 20Th. And its coming close to that pretty soon that's for sure :).

I've also come to realize I hate 1 thing about blogspot!!! I can't change dates of posts... I wanna bring over my blog info from my blog-city and back date them.. But I can't so that kinda sucks....

I also got some information regarding my dad's death. The toxicology report came back that he was poisoned. But they did not say by what. They also said they will be making an arrest soon and that they have finger prints at the scene. This coming almost 9 months later. And now they are going to be sending some more evidence to the USA for another 2 month wait. I don't know what they sent. But I will let god handle these things. I got to say the news kinda shook me up. Because its an on going thing I keep getting reminded of the severity of my dads death. I called my buddy Paul and talked for over an hour about what I was told, it helped a little. So I guess I will have to wait more time for another set of results :|.

I guess that's all for now or I will have like 50 different things in this post.

Till next time!

Josh

Growth

2006-06-11T22:33:00.000-04:00

You know I would not really expect to have growth in a bad season normally. But things have been growing inside me tremendously the last 3 months that I have been without a job. I believe god is preparing me for something bigger and better. Who knows what that might actually be though. God has been teaching me such things about money, my time, obedience, even birthing more love inside me for others.

Last Sunday Nicky who happens to be our Children's pastor at my church Freedom house announced that we were going to be doing another year of "Super summer spy Camp". The camp is for 1 week and the cost is $30 for anyone who wishes to attend. Now mind you $30.00 is nothing for a week. But she was asking for volunteers. I then preceded to pray about it then told her I would really be interested in helping. Now I hope I'm still not out of a job in August. But if I am I know for sure I will be helping. And if I do get a job all the better. But I also hope to still be able to help still. As I think of my past I see mentoring from my close friend Paul. The changes I've gone through from him mentoring me is astounding. Now that I've grown a lot I also want to instill growth in others. Even if they're kids in elementary school or so. That's fine. Remember there is no Children's holy spirit god works in the same way he dose with adults. And to see children be able to walk in destiny at such a tender age blows my mind. I WANT TO BE APART OF THAT. I've told my pastor(s) that my only regret in life was not allowing people to mentor me earlier into the body of Christ. Where I could have been would have been mind blow I think. But I believe there's always a timing thing and the time I accepted and proceeded is the time that was set.

So yeah I'm still broke. But you know what? I'm more happy then anything. Its taken these 3 months to learn that god deserves praise through ALL THINGS. Paul tried to tell me this before, But it never quiet stuck or felt to difficult to do. Well I'm happy to say I do my very best that I can these days in worship even though I have a lot of difficulty's in my life as of late. But hey all is good. I'm still here :).

As well our church is starting a school too! Which I would die to attend. Its for 9 months. But if I did do something like that I would not be able to work at all! That would mean I probably have to find someone to live with.. Or for something to take me in possibly. I have no idea how I would be able to do that. But its still a desire I want to do to grow in the body of Christ more!

In the end of all my rambles I just want more growth and more of god that is my desire to learn however possible I can. Even if it means that I do need to loose my job to learn these things. God uses bad things to turn into good. And I'm not worried where hes going to take me next.

But I do ask one thing please pray that I find a job soon or find a way to stay afloat to stay in the City of god.. Brantford..

God bless

Josh

Broken

2006-06-04T16:43:00.000-04:00

Well its official. I'm officially broke. I even owe the bank money for monthly fee's they charge :|. So right now I'm (-12.00) debt to the bank! Man I love being unemployed. Man I love not being able to find some work in brantford. The day has come where I have until the end of June to figure if I can stay. I don't even have money for Junes rent. But my land lady should be a bit understanding I hope. I still haven't heard anything from Unemployment either and so I have had no income for almost 2 months. Other then my mom helping me out with 200$ here and there. I really don't want to ask for her help anymore. That's a lot of money. And I can't bare to burden her anymore. The church has prayed about work for me too! But yet I'm very discouraged and left without a paddle.

I honestly don't want to have to move to St. Catharines. I need what I have in Brantford to at least be somewhat happy. Friends that care, A support system from friends and the church. Strong potential of spiritual growth. And I love my church here in Brantford. And possibly a GIRL :P. But my Aunt don't care. They're not good enough reasons. If I move to St. Catharines, sure I won't have to worry about rent for a while and there's more then likely more jobs there. But I will loose all I've gained in the past year. Independence, and the things I already said. I believe if I have to leave Brantford I will have a spiritual death because all that's in st.catharines is no support system, no one to encourage me. So much pain that I really can't stand to relive from my other aunt not stop talking about my dad's murder and so forth. I know this is one drastic way god is trying to stretch me. I'm afraid I'm about to break hes got me stretched so far. But you know what? I'm learning so much. And I don't think god wants me to leave either. But its getting scary that I have nothing left. But I am also reminded about Joseph who was sold by his brothers to slavers and then later in his life became the second most powerful man in Egypt. Now I'm not saying I'm going to be all powerful earthly man. What I mean is that sometimes you have to hit total rock bottom in order to go up. But you know what? I'm scared. I really don't know what to do. I feel some what lost and abandoned :|. I know this is not how I should feel though. So I try not to let myself think that stuff. Try to distract myself as much as possible. But I am so tired of distracting myself. I need resolution in the things regarding my dad, a job, my family. Money!!!! SO ya. I'm broke and so confused.

Praise god that I have to learn something that he has to stretch me this much. Praise god for my poverty. But you know what? My determination isn't broken. Bring it on! :)

Whitepyro

Past. Present... and Future?

2006-05-29T05:19:00.000-04:00

Man I got to admit I'm one busy person :). While I have been busy I couldn't forget to blog... (*SIGH* I know that's called sarcasm). Sorry about long hiatus.. I'm a slacker in many respects. But while I have been busy I have been thinking of so much. A lot of memory lane. My past that's for sure. A lot of them are with my dad and myself respectively.. One real moment that strikes me is sitting in my dad's car listening to Billy Idol - Mony Mony and White Wedding. My favourite songs growing up I was probably about 5 or so :) Or when my dad promised me his car when I was five years old. It was a hatch back red car. I don't know the make or model but he sold it and so I cried :*(. Or some of my favourite movies growing up which were "Short Circuit" & "Indiana Jones: And the temple of doom". Or living with my dad on a street called Wedsworth where I would always find Fossils and Fools gold. I still have quiet a bit of those stones I found in my collection. YES I DO COLLECT ROCKS! :D Have a couple of Geo's (Rocks with crystals in the centre core), Trilobite fossils I found near my home and tons of fools gold among some other really cool types of artifacts. Oh the innocents we all once had and the freedom at that. My only regret as a child in my current stage in life is that I didn't know god earlier in life where I could have been. What I could have seen. Mind you when I was about 9-11 somewhere in there I did attend a Pentecostal church with a girl I was dating.. (Yes I can hear the outrage of me having a girlfriend at that age :|). Then my dad started to take notice of me going all the time and he started going to Jehovah's witness meetings which turned me off of god for many years.. I never did accept god at that point in my life either. I went for the girl :|.. Pity I know but I was dumb and arrogant brat. Mind you I was a pretty good kid at that point in my life. But like I was saying my dad took me to Jehovah's witness's meetings which bored the hell out of me. In fact it turned me off so much I never accepted Christ yet again. When I was in grade 5 I became a pretty bad kid, in fights every day. It was crazy. But it was my teacher who taught me my wrongs. She advised me that I should apply for a peace keepers job. This was like a mediator thing for the school yard. I went through that and eventually my life turned around. As an incentive of me behaving I would get a free bag of chips the first time around. Second time around it was McDonald's with the principle. And the third time was at a really nice Italian restaurant with my teacher. Karen O'Brien. She was a teacher and heart for her students and I would even go as far to accredit to her that she changed my life for the better.

Now with my present I try my best to live in freedom in all things. Our church moto is to "Be Free, Live Free, And free Others". Quiet a moto if I say so myself. I have been learning so much since I lost my job. God has been teaching things like stretching my money that there is always MORE than enough in all things. Mind you my mom has been helping me financially since work is quiet scarce at this point and time. But yet I'm growing in one of the harder things in my life. (Hardest would be my dad dieing :|). You know before I went to freedom house (my church). I was suicidal and my life felt like a living hell with panic attacks. But now I'm more free in so many things. But mind you I had to regain a lot of that after my dad died. My trust level plummeted, me willingly worshipping was unheard of. But now god has lifted me up and I am once again happy for a change. I also got a tattoo to dedicate to my dad, and my spiritual father as well. Its a cross with a banner that says DAD. Picture Here. It did not hurt to much. Just like a sunburn, but like I said nothing drastic. Right now I am holding on for dear life to stay here in Brantford. I full heartily don't want to leave Brantford. I have a healthy life here and I won't go without a fight. Please pray that I can find a job soon :).

My future is a bit sparse as I honestly don't know if I will be able to find a job. And my family is mad at me because they don't understand why I want to stay here in Brantford. They just don't understand and my mom and everyone I know in Brantford agrees with my answers on why I feel I MUST stay here. :)

But I think I've written enough for today. May god bless you today, tomorrow and forever.

Gamerguy (Evildobbi)

Wahoo fun night!

2006-04-26T05:20:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone :)

Got some fun stuff to talk about today... After this commercial break....... *JOKES*

Well a lot of things have happened in the last 24 hours.

I've come to a new realization. I look at myself and see me a complex human being. And I think i finally understand myself enough to see these complexity's in myself. It really makes me see people in a new light as well. We are so complex and so infatuated with our self's it sometimes sickening. But I believe this is happening because god is changing my views on things. Myself, people, the world. We all struggle with our own demons especially me. Most of the time I don't even want to go to church, revolution (youth group), or my small group. Its how I feel most of the time. But I choose to go because I wish to learn god word and be obedient. It all changes once I get to these places though. Satan tries to lie to me and says its not worth going tonight. Well I say bull and go any way. I love not having to listen to such a vile thing of this earth. I CHOOSE you lord god always and forever.

Now last night at Revolution was a great night. Took me a while to actually get into worship but it was fun. Some really amazing stuff had happened and I got to see god work in a funny way that's for sure.

It all starts with Dave hes a really cool buddy. He dose comedy and is also my youth pastor and also my small group leader. Hes really funny and down to earth. I sometime think hes a little like me, needing to laugh or you get depressed. That's how I am that's for sure :). Any way.. Dave was driving to church for Revolution and he got pulled over by the cops because his tags expired on his license plate. About 6 months past due! Dave said the guy was all stern and unfortunately he could not give him a warning or anything like that cause the city would kill him if he did.. LOL. Lets just say 325$ is the fine. Anyway he was not allowed to take his car, he had to leave it due to the tags being expired. So he went on to ask if the cop could give him a ride to the church. The cop said OK with some reluctance. But here's the kicker. The cop was telling Dave how everyone tries to lie to him and get out of tickets. But Dave didn't, so he started asking him about the church, what happens at this so called Revolution. And even god. So Dave has to pay 325$ for this lovely ticket. Did god allow him to forget to renew his tags? I believe so 100%. When he was telling us all this he said while he was sitting in his car god told him to pray for this officer. So he did out of obedience and Dave went on to say that god had said he didn't care about the fine, nor the money he had to pay, He cared about that cop, for his salvation. God would go to the cross again for 1 person. So that makes sense. Well what ended up happening was this Pastor Brian came up and spoke about giving and said he shouldn't have to pay this fine and we were going to take a donation. Well that being said and done there was more then double the money he needed. Praise god for such obedient givers. So we (the church) were able to bless Dave with more then 650$. He went on to say later after falling on the floor that they had planned a vacation the first time in 8 years since him and his wife (Crissy) had got married and they didn't really have the money to do so, but they were going to do it any how and basically this fine would have messed that up. But god supplied MORE THEN ENOUGH! For him to do so. He began to weep and dwell in god presence. Me and some friends started to pray over dave and than he fell to the floor under gods glory. All praise to god for working in such mysterious ways. Amen to that. For crying out loud it even had me in tears. To be privileged to see god work is like no other. This is the lord I serve and love. And the god of more then enough. I feel privileged to know Dave and to have such amazing people around me to lift me up in good and bad times. And believe me there have been quiet a few bad times. Me being out of a job right now. My dad passing. But you know what? I'm still here god has comforted me in these times.

I also am grateful for my family. My mom and my step dad have been helping me with some money, which helps a lot when your not working. I love my family and friends a lot. Thank you everyone who has stood behind me and been through my hard times and good in life. :)

Now after revolution was fun too! About 2am in the morning, my mom came on and she said she was worried about me and stuff we talked about an hour or so. It was fun and stuff. Shes gonna help by sending me some money on Friday to help me get by. (Thanks mom,dad). :)

During the time I was talking to my mom a friend came on MSN who I've known about 3 years. We talked about normal stuff and then I asked if he believed in god. Well that conversation lasted till 5am :). He basically said no and why. One reason was that when he drowned he didn't see a tunnel of light. I answered to the best of my ability and knowledge. It was a lot of fun. It got to a point where he wanted someone Else's a opinion, So he brought in a friend who has been trying for 2 yrs to talk to him about Christ and god. Then he compared what we said. Later on me and this girl were talking in private and she went on to say that shes been trying for so long to talk to him about it and that it was hard. She said shes been praying for help on talking to him. I believe possibly I'm that answer to that prayer. He asked a lot of good questions. I answered some good ones too! Surprised her! LOL. One good question he asked was "what is your view on Christianity?" I simple said "Christianity is a life style to put it simple. Its not going to church every Sunday. We are to live by example." I had fun answering that question. But a lot of questions came up and I was surprising myself by the knowledge god had prepared in me, by either living through it or by learning from other people. And probably a lot of it was god speaking through me. Later on his friend which went to say is that I was the 2ND person to ever talk to her that she has never met face to face and that god told her that I was OK to talk to! Well hey god speak! That's always good :) Anyway it went on for like 3 hours 3am-6am or so. It was fun he was on the fence but we got him thinking that's for sure. It was not my duty to close unless he wanted to. It is not up for me to push the subject, but to let the holy spirit convict his heart. Make it fertile for planting. Before his friend had to leave I asked if we could pray for him. He said "if you think its necessary". So I went on to say this:

Father god we pray for you in the name of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ
We lift up our friend deejay father god.
We will stand in the gap for him so no harm shall come to him father god.
Father god I pray that you will plant a seed father god. We pray that you will make his heart fertile and cultivated for planting.
We lift up our friend to you god we wish him peace and harmony in his life that he may see your glory father god.
We ask that these strong holds shall fall off him.
We ask that you bring truth to him and that he shall see you for what you are .... Love.
We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ
Amen

I told him that we would stand in the gap for him. And then explained what that meant to him as well. To mean if anyone wants to come after him they have to come through me first :) (Kinda like bigger brother protecting his baby brother type of thing). And if he didn't have the faith that me and his friend would have it for him. I think overall I had a great night to dwell on god and share the good news. For I am commissioned to do so. So that was my night. What a blessing it was.

I hope you have enjoyed my ramblings may god bless you and be safe.

Gamerguy (Evildobbi)

Really hard times

2006-04-16T05:22:00.000-04:00

Well I really know I'm a slacker been busy. Lots of stuff to talk about.

First of all I lost my job. Been off maybe 3 weeks. Still trying to get my Record of employment (ROE) from my old job. Still haven't found a new job yet. God has been treating me good otherwise. Keeps me fed. But again that's almost to nill of my food left. I'm some what worried. I feel this is a test to trust god more. I hope I'm up for this challenge. It sure is tough will all these bills coming in and not being able to pay them. Being worried about loosing my apartment. And as it being Easter I miss my dad. Went to his plot today. It was good left a card and so did my aunt and we left flowers. Where he's at it was also vandalized recently before I came a lot of damage. But my dads plot was not touched thank god for that. I've been extremely stressed over these situations though. And I know I shouldn't and just let god handle it. Which I have tried and I am still holding my trust in him to take care of my problems. But of course I have to help myself too! Beth has been on my mind a lot to (my step mom) about all the stuff shes done since my dad has passed. A lot of things that seem suspicious. But I will not judge for it is not my place to do so. I will defiantly let god handle that matter in his own way.

I watched "The Passion of the Christ" tonight. I seen it months ago with my ex-roommate Paul. But I felt I needed to see it again and man it's like a hot coal burning my skin. It still bites like nails. It makes me think of just saying thank you over and over. I mean he took our punishment. How can this world be so blind to not see his love. I mean my gosh what more can one do but to give his life for a loved one or a friend. It makes me cry.

I'm also really afraid to leave Brantford. I honestly do not want to leave. God says stay and if he wants that then I will stay. Its embedded deep into my heart that I NEED to stay in Brantford. I have such a appreciate for my friends I have. But also the down fall is my family is here in St. Catharines. I don't wish to neglect my family. But I will follow what gods will is for me no matter what that means.

Also another thought in my head is a word from Leeann (someone from my church). She had a word for me about 3 weeks ago a day before I got put on suspension. Well actually they pulled me off and made me buddy jack from wed-Fri and then suspended my employment until Monday when they had word of my employment status. Well that never happened and finally got word of it on Wednesday.. But... The Tuesday before I got pulled off from my employment duties. Leeann gave me a word from god that said to paraphrase.

Trust in me,

Don't look for others approval for I approve of you.

God knows all. So I will trust in him to the best of my ability that I can trust. I know god will let things work out in his timing.

So now I wait to hear about my life in Brantford. I ask for your prayers because me being out of a job and no incoming coming in. My food is basically gone and the money I do have left is for my rent for next month. Please pray that I will find a job, find a way to get food for me to eat. And that god will allow me to stay in Brantford (The city of God)..

I hope all is well for all and may god bless your life.

Progress

2006-03-01T05:25:00.000-05:00

Well, Again I'm a slacker!

Well life has been really busy yet again! Between Church, gaming, and work, and even programming my schedule has been pretty filled and full filling. At church we've started the book "40 Days of Purpose" and so far its a good read. I happened to have a breakthrough at church about 2-3 Sundays ago. God's power was coming over me like a rushing wind for about 10 min and finally I hit the floor balling my eyes out. The lord was telling me all the lies I was saying to myself and saying "NOPE! WRONG! POOF!" and they were no longer a bondage to my heart. Things like "It's your fault he died!","You didn't make an effort to see your dad!","You were a bad son". Which god says was not true and so I will believe him over what my mind or what the devil wants me to believe. For he is all knowing right? Wouldn't you believe someone who simply spoke and this world, and everything in it came into existence? I will choose to believe :). Anyway as that was going on someone from the church was telling me what god was saying to her for me (Prophetic word). And man that was different... What she said was "I seen you and you having a wife and child a son and a big house and you were successful! And your not a looser!". Well I don't know how she knew I was successful maybe the big house. But really none of that matters. Its the son and the wife. The deepest desires of my heart. That being a father some day. I would so love to be a father and give my dad the grandson he will never get to meet or know. But I can always do that for my mom and my step dad :) (LOVE YOU!!!).

I also finished reading a book called "Prison to Praise" its a very good book. If you've never read it give it a go! Really speaks a lot. I also quit smoking which is an on going effort. Which is defiantly not the easiest thing to go through I tell ya. I really feel I'm back in a good place emotionally now too! So I've been more happy then sad these days. So that's a good thing don't ya think? :)

Well I don't know what else to say.

God bless

A tiny walnut

2006-01-30T05:26:00.000-05:00

Man I feel like a walnut stuck in it's shell as of late. I've again slacked on my blog. I feel stupid and guilty of so many things. I keep thinking of my dad a lot every day. I don't seem to cry anymore and this makes me feel guilty that it dose not hurt anymore. I feel that god has given me the strength to go on in my life. BUT I feel guilty of not being more heart broken about my dad. After all he was my father and my mentor no matter what mistakes he did in life. I feel that in September I was on top of the world. I was violent for Jesus. Dance, Jump, Sing. Do whatever to glorify our lord. Then October hit and I didn't go to church cause it was Thanks Giving. So that made me feel so empty inside for not giving god the glory and praise he deserved. Then my father died and all passion seemed to leave my body. I don't dance anymore. I hardly sing, I never jump. I feel like a walnut stuck in its shell. Empty and unfulfilled for I am not able to give god his glory. I didn't go to church this Sunday. I felt no need nor want to go. This worries me now that I think of it. Where am I going with this? I think I'm going down hill. I'm back in a place where I was when I came to Brantford. Empty and unfulfilled in life. Uncertain of my future, uncertain of my fate. I don't believe god has abandoned me because god always carries me through my hard times in life. On my way home tonight god was speaking to me about a quote that is on our Church card. It says "You have come to fight as free men and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom". Which is a quote from brave heart from the famous William Wallace. I feel that god is talking to me about my choices. My choice to give praise even though I don't feel like it. Or even go to church for that matter. Don't get me wrong I love god with my whole being. I'm not giving up on anything. Nor am I saying I won't be at church this coming Sunday. But I feel I need a breakthrough of this bondage that is holding me down. I don't want to hold back. It is my deepest desire to serve god full hearted and give him all his praise. It is my desire to help people in other countries which I have started by sponsoring a child in India. But I want to do more then that. I pray that god releases me to do these things but yet I sit idle doing nothing. I'm confused and lost in my own self to see the light that the lord has for me in my path. If you would pray for me I would appreciate it!

May God bless your life in abundance!

Change

2005-12-28T05:39:00.000-05:00

I admit it I'm a slacker. But I can't help it sometimes I'm just to busy to blog. I will try harder (Promise)..

Well its been a while since I've bloged and been a while since my dad passed. (Almost at 2 month now). And man I feel like I've done a 360 and then another 360 and man it wasn't fun. I can't say I've had much fun since my dad died. But I did have a wonderful Christmas with my family in St. Catharines (home town). I got a DVD/VCR player from my Aunt Yvonne. Surprised the heck outta me I tell ya. Got some clothes and some tools as well. So I really had fun with my family. You know its quiet odd that I've had to miss so many years (5+ yrs) without my family. So much strife and now were a mesh. And I feel so much at home and actually feel love for my family. Not that I never did before but more of a feeling sense. Its quiet different. I had to get Saturday off so I could go and man that was a bugger, But I eventually got it off in the end. I was so happy. But I think I've changed so much since my dad. I feel lots of love for everyone. Even for the boy I sponsored from India. And I feel that I'm more appreciate of what people do for me. I can feel god strongly at times as well. I really want to be released and to do gods work full time. That is my desire because I'm passionate about my god and I'm not afraid to talk about it.

I gave my family a small gift which was a coin the size of a silver dollar which each had a bible verse on it. I figured it may have been cheap (all I could afford). But it spread how I feel about god and to maybe plant a seed in them and god will let it grow. Maybe make a wedge in there heart to see his glory and his grace. Plus god still gives me strength every day to continue forth and I just want to be an example to them to show them that god is very real and to see what hes done to me to make me strong. My aunt called me about 2 weeks ago and told me should couldn't understand how I was so strong. (That was my opening) So I went after it and told her of god for about 2 hours. Although she called me a liar and so forth. BUT HEY! I got it out..

I've had a really tough season so far this year. I barley have any food in my house. But people from church are helping me. My dad's death finally caught up with me because I had to take 2 weeks off. And that nudge of 0$ for 2 weeks kinda hurts. I prayed about it and my ex-room mate sent me 50$ to help. I love everyone. God works fast and always in time. I have no worries because he will always provide.

I've been doing really good at work as of late too! Don't know if its because of Christmas but I've been selling a lot and that will make me bonus (Maybe a way god is trying to bless me???) who knows. People say I'm crazy. I just Nod and say sure and say crazy for god. I love how that leaves them speechless (LOL). Its always good to give god all the praise.

Well I better go. Its late... Btw I didn't spell check or proof read its late so If I look like a retard its because I am and tis 3am :)

God bless and peace be with you

Hard times

2005-11-23T05:43:00.000-05:00

Well its been a few days since I've wrote. I can't say the hard times are over, I wish I could. But it dose not seem like I'm ever going to stop thinking about my dad. I think about him daily these days. So much I have to force myself to be distracted or else I will cry again. Especially today has been quiet difficult for me. I can't loosen my mind from my dad. I miss him so much, I just want him alive and well. Yesterday I went to a grief counsalor and I believe this dug up some old memories that's triggered this effect today. So I feel like I'm carrying what I'm feeling. Probably should give it to god to handle. Its quiet painful :|.

I really don't understand how my dad had to die at 44, and me being only 22. I need my dad. Hes someone I depend on and was always there for me. But I could be there for him. Its kinda funny today though god has been speaking to me in poetry. I got 2 that I remember:

1. I see you in the light of all these things, I hold you close to me. For I was the one that had set you free. Surrender your pain to me, for I will deliver you.
2. In the shadows I wait, I will give you my embrace, for I know your in pain, I love you still the same, in the light of it all he is safe with me. Don't cry for I am with you my son.

So I've never had that happen before so that's cool. I just hope for god to remain with me..

Well I have to run.. God bless

WAHOO!

2005-11-13T05:45:00.000-05:00

Well today was such an amazing day. I feel so good today its awesome. God is definatly good to me. Its been almost 2 weeks i think since my dad passed. But god is helping me cope with my loss. I'm getting better and better each day. Today at church my pastor (Brian) asked if he could pray for me in front of everyone. So I did and then he called the leaders of the church to help out. And told everyone else to hold there hands up to me and such. It was great. My church has been so supportive. They prayed for me to over come my loss (reminds me of a song "we will over come"). Good song. Pastor (Brian) asked god that he will heal me of my pain and be my comforter and that he would make his presence known to a great extent. My ex-roommate played a song while this was going on. I started to wobble and the leadership team held me up. But I kept slipping till eventually I was on the ground crying. The power of god came over me like a frate train. I tried as hard as I could to stay on my feet. But you can't really fight god hehe. So that was all good, I could feel gods presence all around me. From what I heard I swear I heard someone crying as well with me. But I e-mailed my pastor to see if there was someone over me crying. I really want to know who and why they would cry for me. HeHe..

I am also really happy and proud to say that I'm sponsering a child in India. I went to see a speaker who founded the GFA and so I picked a child. I'm so honored to help this young boy in India his name is Halnar Amol Ramdas and hes 10 yrs old. I hope to bless him and be a friend with him. But I'm really excited :).

In a Blessing

2005-11-11T05:47:00.000-05:00

Today I went back to work. It was a little hard but I managed to do the whole day at work. My work has been as supportive as possible and that gives me peace and happiness. I just hope I can get the 19TH off so I can go back to St. Catharines to get a family photo done with my family. I really want to go.

As I was doing dishes a came to my senses on some things, I feel I need to express myself so here it goes.

I am truly blessed to have amazing friends and family who were there in my hardest and darkest of times. Especially one of my best friends (my Ex-roommate) Paul. He sang at my fathers funeral, this touches me deeply that he sang. It was also a blessing to have him there as well as my pastor Brian his wife (Sharlyss), Andrea and Dave who managed to come to the viewing. I am thankful for my friends. Plus my mom flew down to be at my dads funeral to pay last respects which also makes me happy. Also I am blessed for my family who I once thought was astranged and didn't care about me. But the matter is it was the other way around. They want me to move back to St. Catharines, but to be honest I would be gone if it wasn't for my amazing church, I love my church. I am honoured to have these amazing people in my life. And I'm sure I've forgot lots of people. But you know who you are.

I love you all so much.

God Bless

WHY?

2005-11-07T05:49:00.000-05:00

I really can't describe the pain I feel. I miss my dad so much, it hurts so much. I feel lost without a paddle to row my boat to shore. I got to pick out my dad's casket to faith during this time. To not being able to stand and collapsing before the funeral and closing my dads casket to cry more. Like i said on my previous post I spoke to yet cry after that as well. I don't understand why this had to happen. Lord bring my dad back. Bring the judgement of this world so I can be with my dad. The pain is so hard father god.

The Hardest Day of my life

2005-11-04T05:49:00.000-05:00

Well we put my dad to rest yesterday. It has to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. There probably was about 200 people at the funeral. That makes me happy that friends and family came from far and wide to pay there last respects. We had a private viewing before the funeral started. I found an old picture when my dad was about 18months, I wrote a note to him on the back and put it in his hands. I also put in a picture of me as a baby. A Best Dad pin on his suit. My cousin Ryan put on his paratrooper wings (Ryan is in the army). I collapsed during our private time and had to be carried over to the couch. I also helped close the casket and said goodbye. It was very hard (I started to cry again). My family has been so supportive its great. Its nice to know I have my family back. My ex-roommate sung at the funeral. And my mom Sung as well. My cousin Ryan read something my aunt could not say. And he read a poem called "Your going to Fast" I think.... I went up and read what I wanted to say which follows:
Hello everyone,

I would first like to thank you for coming. I know I say for myself and the rest of my family that we are glad you could make it to pay your last respects to my dad.

You know the memory that has been in my mind for the last few days was when I was about 5 or so. We were at port dalousie and we were fishing. He so wanted me to catch a fish. So we spent all day trying to get me a fish and eventually I did catch a nice small sun fish. He looked at me with such love and happiness that I did catch one. You see my dad spoiled me when I was kid. He loved me lavishly just as god loves to lavish us with his love. Another occasion was probably a little older. We were playing at the park in the leaves and going down the slide just having a fun old time in the leaves.

You know I have no doubts where my father has gone because god has granted me the strength for he is our comforter according to (Matthew 5:4)
Matthew 5:4 (New Living Translation)

God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

I'm also very happy that god gave me a wonderful father. Someone who loved me and cared about me. A thought that comes to my mind right now was when I was in elementary school. I would look at what my dad made me for lunch and think. Wow I'm special my dad made me my lunch. Its those little things that we miss these days. But love is all around us if we see it or not. I've also come to know that he accepted Christ into his life before he passed. This brings me so much joy that I will be able to reunite with my father on the day the lord has marked for me.

I know when I say this that I won't be the only one to miss my father. But I will also miss a friend, a parent, playmate. I thank you god for the life of my father. I will miss him dearly, but I know he lives with you father god without pain and is happy. I thank you lord for your mercy and your grace. So let us celebrate the life of my dad.

[/End Speech]

It took about 10-15 min to read it. It was extremely hard for me to say. I'm just glad that god gave me the strength. After the funeral I went to my Uncle Eric's we were gonna toast my dad. But I out drank everyone :|. I had 5 beers in 2 hours. I got so hammered. I drank more then I anticipated.. OPPS! At least I have no hang over... But I meant to only have 1 or 2. I couldn't walk :|.. But oh well whats done is done on that matter..

I have to run. Thank you for all your prayers..

Josh

A Sad Day

2005-10-30T05:52:00.000-05:00

Well I have some bad news to announce. My father unfortunately passed yesterday (Oct 29Th) at a young age of 44 (I'm 22 btw). And I've come home for all the funeral arrangements in St.catharines. I'm very sad about this news and have taken it really hard. God is being my comforter and I hope he will continue to do so. It has not been easy. I have been surrounded by my friends and family. And I really appreciate the support from everyone. God has treated me well. Its really hard to type this as I'm about 10 feet where he was found. I'm probably going to speak at the funeral, but this will be extremely hard no doubt. I hope god can give me the strength and the words to do so.

I've very proud to say that god allowed me to talk to my dad about god. I also found out today that he accepted Christ before he died. I'm very glad that I was about to talk to god with him and to know he accepted god is amazing. I believe god has used me to get to him and for that I am thankful. I'm in tears writing this. I would like to ask for your prayers. I really could use them.

I have to go now..

I hope god will continue to bless you in your lives.

Josh
*Update* the autopsy came back that it was not due to medical reasons. To sum it up quickly my step brother let a friend in, but did not hear him leave. An arrest warrant is going to be issued to find this person. Right now they suspect murder. This makes it even harder for me. Please keep praying for me.

Undescribable

2005-10-06T05:53:00.000-04:00

Man I've really been slacking on my blog. :(

Sorry..... Oh my so much to talk about. Lets just say god is amazing :). He shows me more and more every day that I'm not some little person. God knows my name as I know his. I feel happy all the time now. And if I do get sad it lasts for a few minutes and its gone. Which has been once since I last posted. God is amazing. I've started to really walk in my gifts. I'm giving prophetic words. So many visions to even list. So much knowledge is just great. My relationship with god is getting better and better each day. I've even started to mentor people into god. I talk about god to anyone I get a chance to every day. Which is weird cause before I was afraid to wear my hat that said "Jesus Christ is king". And its funny my saying now "I am the hat". Not that I am Jesus but becoming more and more like Jesus and being faithful to gods word to testify to everyone I can. And believe me that's about 3-4 times a day. And man do I enjoy talking about god to people. I've even set a few things free in people through the glory of god. Not me personally, I am just a mere vessel of the message and the truth. I really enjoy watching Kent hovind. Hes given me so much knowledge with things such as evolution to help people understand that it is not of god. In all honesty Evolution debunks everything the bible says because it contradicts the bible that we are Millions and Millions of years old the earth that is. I will use one of the examples he used.

So if the moon moves a few feet each year away from earth. Then that means if the earth was really millions of years old then the moon was really close to the earth at one point in time. So that means that the dinosaurs got mooned by the moon :P. And yes dinosaurs did live with people back in the garden of eden. The bible says "There were Giants". It has words of dragons in the bible which could quiet possibly reference dinosaurs. The word dinosaur wasn't invented until the early 1600's so its quiet possible the word dragon was used to describe dinosaurs back then. I know I probably don't make much sense. But kent was a scientist teacher and hes also now an evangelist as well. Hes a fountain of knowledge and man do i love to drink :).

Also I have been making a lot of friends at work and the likes. Its nice to meet and get to know people and testify to them. I enjoy it hehe. I wish I could get to my family about this though. Its a lot harder to do so it seems.

But me and landon prayed for about an hour on Tuesday it was great. We got so hit by the glory of god we were on the floor. It was really fun. God gave me more words for landon on the meaning of the some words I gave him last week. I really like walking in my gifts that god wants to give me.

Another saying I've come up with recently is that when someone first comes into the gods house they must take the steps of faith. Now these steps I think of as a stock market graph. It goes up and it goes down AT FIRST. Then in my case I got baptized in the holy spirit. Now I believe my stock is not worth no 5 nickles. I've come into the riches the gold the money of millions of dollars. I'm so rich in the glory of god my graph is higher then the peaks of mount Everest. :)

Now I may not be rich here on earth. But what dose that matter? I'm happy! And when that day comes when I meet my maker I will have open heavens and be rich in god and that's truly what matters. I hope you like my analogy but I must run for now..

God bless your souls. May my testimony's be an inspiration in your journey with our lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

Glory Be Upon Him

2005-09-15T05:55:00.000-04:00

Well Sorry about not posting in a while. I've had a lot of stuff to do lately. I've been busy with god, busy with work, and busy coding. Which makes for a pretty hectic life. And man do I enjoy it other then the work part :). Now I'm going to speak french to most of you :)

[FRENCH]
Clan Infininity redux is going though its ringer. I've on like my 10TH revision of the setup modular. The $_SESSION Variables are proving a little hard for me. Its all new to me and all. So I've been investigating the $_SESSION variables security. I figure I will do it later as it is taking a lot of time to study. But that's OK for now as I will have a standard variable for the login verification. But I'm really enjoying coding again. Its a lot of fun and a challenge to say "Hey I made this!" kinda like how god probably felt when he rested on the 7TH day and said this is good. I am also going to be re-opening my business. Which I'm looking forward to! What I'm doing is going to be huge. (At least I hope so). I have also taken on a business partner. Hes a cool guy known him for years. I look forward to our collaboration in our subsidiary company. Its going to be great for the community as a whole. :) But you know CIR is only about 5% done. :) I look forward to this amazing challenge that I'm undertaking. Its all for gods glory any how so :)
[/FRENCH]

I have also been learning so much over the last few days. God has been amazing. He really has been showing himself to me like no other. My gifts are starting to surface in the presence of god and man do I enjoy it. About a week ago or so my buddy Landon came over at 12:40 am and didn't leave till 2am. I think I was baptized in the holy spirit, it was simply amazing. I was on the floor almost 1 full hour It must have been cause as soon as Landon came over he started to pray, I lasted about 15 minutes on the chair and went flying off as gods holy hand just touched me. (When I mean fly I really do mean fly off) *ZAP*. It was like having a seizure for the whole time on the floor. My legs, arms, everything would not stop moving. I seen many visions including 2 spirits that rested in my house. Landon banished them out of my house through gods presence. But don't get me wrong. Landon had nothing to do with it. He PARTNERED with the lord and the lord did the work. God will fight for you as we have no need to fight for ourselves. God is truly amazing. I have been soaking in his presence ever since. This experience has to be close to my baptism cause that was just amazing too!

I have also been watching this amazing videos on Kent Holvald. This guy is simply amazing. He debunks the evolution theory like no other. I mean you got to watch this videos. Especially if your a none believer. I guarantee you will be changed if you watch these videos. Mind you most are about 2 hours long. But what is 2 hours of your life, IF it will change you forever. I would take that bet any day if I wasn't saved. God has also brang along 2 people for me to Sheppard since I got baptized its amazing. Over the past week they've come and I've taken the challenge to show them the glory of god.

On Tuesday it was great. Landon came over and we watched 2 seminars on Kent Holvald and then we danced and praised god for about 30 min and he was tired so he went home. But before he went god gave me some things to say to him. I think it hit him like a bullet. I even saw a vision of clouds and rain so I said Landon its going to rain tomorrow. And you know what? IT DID! LOL. Now is that not teaching his people that you can hear god? :) Also yesterday we were supposed to see this guy from "The Dream Centre" he was supposed to come and speak but it got cancelled due to the hurricane. And funny thing is he was on Dr. Phil and they gave this woman $10,000 and a house. Now isn't god good? :) So of course they were busy helping people from LA. So we praised for about 2 hours at YES CHURCH! And I got more visions. Our city was on fire. Burning. I felt like I should scream "LET IT BURN!" The holy fire of god was setting the city ablaze. Gosh I love it :). THEN!!! Others seen this vision too (well sorta, Mine was more defined) but again I saw the city. This time with huge dark clouds rolling in. I believe this is the rain of god. Because it started to pour with so much force it was amazing. Not only that but there was THOUSANDS of lightning bolts hitting the ground as we praised god. I mean the sky was as day. Lighting is the hand of gods power. I say bring it god. I'm ready!!! Lets save the city. This is the city of god and I will not stop till everyone is saved.. AMEN!!

Well got to run. May god bless you many times over. Have faith and stay strong :)

Thank you!

2005-08-28T05:55:00.000-04:00

Gosh dose time fly. I've been meaning to write here for a few days. Well whenever I moved into my new apartment :)

I like living on my own its been really good. God has allowed me to have this place so all praise must go to him. Unfortunately I am still in the book of Genesis, I've gotten to tired to read some nights. But I'm eating away at it. Man it feels good to understand what I'm reading, one being thanks to my Ex-Roommate Paul who got me an awesome bible and second being god having me be able to understand his word. I've prayed that I would be able to understand it. Its great to be reading it, it makes me feel all good inside :D

Now that I have my computer back I am official The "Gamer Guy" again. After so long being gone I'm now playing Quake 3 again. I even joined a clan (Like a hockey team for gaming). Haven't played in any Matches (Games) yet for it but I'm having fun doing it again. I'm not to bad after a year of rust though.

I've also started coding again. I'm coding called Clan Infinity Redux. Its a clan based management system. I originally wrote 1.0 in CGI and am now converting what was done of 2.0 to PHP. Its a lot of work I must say, I have over 400 template files to edit and make them full CSS. Along with converting all the Perl code to PHP. Regexps are seeming a bit difficult with my rust at coding too! But I've had my few bugs pop up so far. But I've crushed them either way, It was very slow finding them bugs :|. LOL. But believe me there is a lot of work to be done before its finished I had spent almost 2 years writing 2.0 on and off. But I expect probably around 3-5 months it will be complete. Maybe sooner if I go hard at it. It all depends I suppose. Not only will I be doing clan infinity Redux, I have around 7 other programs on paper written out on how they are to done. I know most of this will be french or maybe Spanish to you :). But it is who I am.

Let alone I'm doing Clan Infinity Redux for charity. I will find a nice charity to donate any of the donations it receives. Because its the right thing to do and god wants me to do it. As it says in the bible to hold your money loosely and it will open the gates of heaven. I would really like that. God is an amazing person. The bible has opened my eyes to this even more as I've been reading. My friend Landon has been helping me some some things though. Some is still a little confusing. Hes a smart person. I'm glad god made him come into my life, hes a great inspiration.

I would also like to thank my mom for coming from Seattle, WA to here in Brantford, ONT. They drove here to fill this apartment up. It was so great to see them. I miss them already being gone. So mom and dad thank you so much :) You don't know how much I can say thank you for what you've done for me. I Love you :)

Well I better run for now. May god bless you in many ways.

The baptism

2005-08-08T05:58:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone :)

Well so much has happened since August 1st with my post on me still not having found an apartment yet. I was quiet depressed. But you know god really has tried to teach me the lesson of lessons.. God LATE? Man was I so wrong. God is never late. Hes always on TIME! I ended up finding my place 2 days later. It wasn't until Wednesday did I find my new apartment. Its a really nice place just for me. Its $520.00 + hydro. But it has boiler heat so its going to be like $30.00-$50.00 max for the hydro. So that makes me happy at least I can afford that. And at least its not the size of a closet :).

So it being now Monday again and Sunday being a HUGE event for me. I got Baptized last night. And man did I enjoy it. God again has tried to prove himself to me. I mean the experience of doing the baptism was amazing. Let alone with god being there for it all makes it just unbelievable. I felt like I was going to explode. I almost cried. I almost fell in the pool too! Pastor Brian had to hold me up! LOL. Let alone that I had 5 people give prophetic words for me. I don't think anyone had that many that I can remember. I feel really different now that I have fully given my life to god. I know its just a ritual. I know its just making a public statement, but I feel so much of his love inside of me its almost unbearable. But a good unbearable :). I really want to love people and try and help them. Hey I even helped a homeless guy get something to eat today. That makes me feel good. You know I could quote millions of verses or even had read the whole bible during my baptism. But you know what? Anything I would have said would not have been enough to glorified the lord. That's my feeling, but god accepts anything we give him. I love god so much its amazing how god knows me, and on a personal effect too! He helped me find my apartment, he sent 5 people to say something during my baptism. I need no proof that god dose exist I have all I need. God knows my name I know his we have a strong friendship that will never end. And do you know what I say "BRING ON THE PERSECUTION!" I will so enjoy it. I use to fear the persecution I really did.

And let me tell you what my mind was really saying before god actually changed me. When I moved in with my roommate Paul and sure I would attend the church, what is church 1-2 hours on a Sunday night? Big deal. God has never done anything for me, Nor will he ever. God doesn't want to know me. And you know it came back to me last night. I was really playing with the devil back when I live in st. Catharine's. I was playing with candle light mediation which is a pagan ritual not only that but with tarot cards, psychic stuff. And that's pretty dark, No wonder I was never happy. There was only darkness. Never light, Now I can't live without the light nor gods love. I can't ever seeing myself wanting to turn away from god. I would be to afraid to, I would never want to disappoint god. God is my life and there's no way I rather have it. I even try to go anything that has to do with church these days. Before you wouldn't see me dead in a church. Although I just keep forgetting about prayer meetings on Thursdays :|. But I do go to a youth group every 2 weeks on Saturdays. As well as Church every Sunday. My church rocks too! I love our passionate worship it brings so much happiness to me. I have NEVER been this happy in my life.

So I give you this challenge. Try going to a good church try it for 6 months and I GUARANTEE you will NEVER be the same again. There is nothing like your love god NOTHING! These words still ring true today.

I even have made a pack with myself to read the bible from Cover to Cover. I have started already and I want to finish the whole thing. I also pray that god will help me learn and understand his word with clarity so I can bring others to god, this is my new passion! God you are so worthy of our praise.

Also to go back to the baptism. God gave me a word for my fellow baptism buddy Landon. Although I didn't go up and speak on the mic. I still need to tell him. I really should have went up. Landon is an amazing man! Hes 25, a little older then me. He is a very inspiring person. And Evangelist to the end. He helped me crack my shell and actually worship without worrying what others thought. God told me "Landon is the key holder to the doors that hold us back from worshipping, Landon will be the one to break these doors down." Landon did that for me, opened the door to my now very passionate worship. I don't know where I would be without his friendship, he is an amazing and very passionate friend.

Well I better run. God bless you all!

Gamerguy (Evildobbi)

Quick Update

2005-07-28T06:03:00.000-04:00

Well, just a quick update...

I still haven't found a place for August 1st. Its really depressing, nothing seems to be going my way for apartment wise....

Atleast my mom and step dad are coming to see me and help me out. I don't know what to think or do anymore. Its like fighting a loosing battle it feels. I hope this is in gods timing.. That I didn't miss my apartment I was suppost to get :|.

I don't have much time on the computer anymore, reason being why I haven't been blogging. I'm not allowed to be on to long so. Probably when I find my place and have my computer again things will change.

I hope god is treating you well.

God bless

In a Busy Highway we all get lost

2005-07-21T06:03:00.000-04:00

Where dose time fly? I really would like to know....

Well its official! I'm 22 now as of yesterday. My roommate took me out for dinner at Casey's. The food was simply amazing. Barb, Andrea, My roommate and myself went together. My roommate treated all of ours to dinner! I'm really glad he did it. It was so nice of him. And my roommate got me a new bible. Its really nice its the Man's Bible. Its great I can't wait to dig into it.. I also got the Left Behind 1 & 2 on DVD. And Andrea gave me a 20$ gift card to Future Shop (Best Buy to you Americans). So I had a great birthday.

I found this awesome singer on Yahoo radio. His name is Jimmy Wayne his voice is simply amazing.. I love his song I love you this much is just great. You should listen to it :).

I'm still looking for an apartment for myself.. Its proving really difficult, to find something I can afford let alone get a chance to see it before it gets taken. It has me worried as I only have 10 days to find a place. And my mom is leaving Aug 6Th to come and bring me my computer, desk, and some stuff there giving me dresser, dinner table, etc. So I hope everything works out. In fact I know it will because god has it in his hands.... So I hope its sooner then later :|..... Its getting to the later that is starting to worry me.. But as Luke says "I'm more important then birds, Lilly's, grass" and he will provide. So I just need to have faith he will :).

I read the Harry Potter: Half-Blood Prince in 3 days. Its was a great book :). I know most Christians hate this book. But there great fairy tale stories.. Its just so entertaining I love it.

I got a shift change at work!!!! WAHOO!. I work 10:30am-7pm now. It has more hours then before and that helps especially with me moving...

Oh I'm getting baptized on Aug 6Th. I feel its time that I do so. No longer will I wait. I'm really looking forward to this.. Knowing me I will be so touched and cry... LOL. I'm to sensitive for even me... How odd!?!?!

I hope all is well with everyone.. God Bless, And be strong in the lord..

Possibility's

2005-07-11T06:06:00.000-04:00

Well its so hard to get on and to blog much lately... Hopefully this will spiff up soon. As my mom is going to be sending me my computer! :). And I am also moving out at the end of the month. So far I'm more important then birds, and I got people helping me with the things I need to get started.. Couches, bed, tables, etc. No desk yet for my PC :|. But hey that's not something I NEED right now right? I'm sure the floor will suit me just fine?. I've been a little depressed lately, But it doesn't last very long anymore as god takes hold of the bondage of it and releases it from me.

I've had a really good last 2 days with god. Saturday I went to a thing for Youth 16-30. It was pretty good had a lot of music and a speaker at the end. Then more worship where I went down like a rock during for like 20 minutes. God was releasing a lot of stuff in me that needed to be dealt with I suppose. It was all good though. Plus I'm gonna be 22 in 10 days :). Today is my dad's birthday though. I wasn't able to get home to see him though unfortunately. But I'm really looking forward to my birthday on July 20Th :) It will be nice and fun! I think. Probably nothing big will happen as I work that day any how. I also got new hours. Instead of 2-9pm I will be working 10:30am-7pm. More hours, more money, more blessings :).

I'm still looking for an apartment, Possible god will give me a roommate. Who knows. I hope I can find a christian roommate though.

Well I got to run for now!

Challenges

2005-06-16T06:07:00.000-04:00

Well it sure has been a while since I blogged. I really don't have the time as of late to be doing this. But I will try better to post more.

Life has been OK I suppose. Been quiet stressed as of late. But on the upside Barb and myself are working on our friendship. I think its going pretty good. Hopefully sometime down the road we could get back together. God says its not time for us. And this time I'm not going to disobey god. I did the first time and it ended in tragedy. Well nothing like big bang boom fight. But it ended on a wrong note.

I'm also going to be moving out on my own. Which I'm deathly afraid of being on my own. This made me very depressed for a few days. At that point I was ignoring god. I've been a little upset with things and have been taking it out on everyone and god as well. I kinda screwed up with a lot of people. So I feel alone in it all. But do you know whats weird? Every time I have a problem Paul (my roommate) gives me advise. And it was funny cause last time he talked about it and then we went to church and the pastor(Brian) preached on the exact same thing :|. How weird is that... Well I know god works in odd ways. Maybe hes trying to get my attention.. But I've been depressed like I said so I prayed about me having to go out on my own in August. And its also funny to because Brian said this verse at church on Sunday. But that came to me while I was praying.

Luke 12: 22-28

Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith.

But I can't say I'm not scared. But lets just say I'm not as scared, I feel a little comfort at this point. But probably when it gets closer to August I will be so scared :|. But we will see how God provides for my needs. I probably really need to learn from example. I think that's how most of us learn.

I've been quiet busy with work lately too. Well not as busy as you might think. I would really like to be pulling 100/hrs a week. But they won't let me work any overtime right now. And life is surly going to be hard living on my own. I'm always broke :|. But I only work 70/hrs bi-weekly. I need 80 or more to survive. Its going to be defiantly hard to get by. I'm really saving my money hardcore right now though to hopefully be able to get some stuff I need. Also with the holiday with stat pay coming up I will get to work for Double time and a half. So that will be nice. Plus my birthday is coming up on July 20 TH. Hopefully if anyone gives me anything it will be money. Money will be good to help me get stuff. I've already got someone offering me a bed and a desk which is guaranteed. Someone from work for a microwave, and plates. And another from work for a rocking chair. Who knows if they're serious though. I really hope I can find a place for cheap 350-425$/month or so with utility's included. I really don't want to rent a room this time around (I had lived with a drunk for almost a yr, defiantly not something I want to do again). Or maybe I can get another roommate. Maybe someone from Church, Who knows. But I'm also so confused, scared all at the same time its kinda weird.

I really hope my mom and dad will come see me for my birthday. That would be fun. Although they live in Seattle, WA. Long ways away. I also hope I can get my computer before or soon after I move out. My mom has had it almost a year now :|.

Well I probably should stop here.. I hope everything is well for everyone.

Busy life

2005-05-20T06:10:00.000-04:00

Wow it sure has been a while since I've posted on my blog. I've been meaning to post so many times. Life is so busy, Its crazy. I've had a lot of things on my mind as of late. To many to name in fact. I've been really good lately though. Being strong and happy for the most part. I've been thinking about my life and what I can do to make myself a better person. I am now tithing which is good.. Its really a challenge for me though. I hope I can keep it up. I'm sure I will but its a difficult thing for me to do. But then it makes me think on a verse where god says "Challenge me on this". So thats what I'm doing. My faith is strong all over though.

But I've also been thinking about the fact of the whole GOD thing. We as people are very un-thankful. For the most part, most people just turn to god for when someone is sick, or dieing, or even a marriage. We don't put god first, We are people of material possessions. And you know I've leaned a lot about our selfishness since I basically just have my clothes and a few DVDS. compare to my old life style where I had a lot, to have so few you see your own misgiving's. Your own burdens. We as people need to start putting god first. Now I'm not prophet or a person who is perfect. I stumble all the time. And even I need to learn this valuable lesson as well. But I'm learning and I feel very strong in my faith of god. I really do. I feel the best I have in many years. I feel free of the bondage that has kept me down for over 5 years. I no longer live with panic attacks which makes me happy.

I've also been thinking of Barb a lot too! I miss "US". But I also see where we are probably not made for everyone. I'm afraid of being alone. And afraid of being with someone. Its a Catch 22. I also really want to be a father before I die. This is my passion. But don't worry I'm not planning kids anytime soon. But I know this is a big thing for me and this is really what I want in life, and of course be pleasing to god :). I also feel that something REALLY big is about to happen at my church. God has been showing us so many good things and telling us stuff. Its going to be big whatever it is. I just don't know what it is :|.

I've also been working hard at work and at home. I've been kicking the bucket and working hardcore on Math. This is so I can go take my G.E.D. Tests(exams). This is more a self confidence thing for me. But I also want to full fill my dreams and become a game developer. Who knows if I will ever get their. I hope I will be able too!

On a quick note. I have uploaded new pictures of the Silent Hill Set.

Got to run

A Man who has nothing, But gives, Is a man who is blessed

2005-05-06T06:12:00.000-04:00

Well this week has been pretty good. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do with Barb. I'm not sure if I should try and re-establish a relationship with her. Or just let it be. People talk bad about her at work too. Which I don't like. I'm not going to go into details on what about. But I was thinking, Maybe she is the one for me and its worth trying to get the relationship back on track. And its just Satan's way on trying to get me not to follow through. But then I think shes so hard headed at times. Its her way or no way. And that bugs me too! So I'm in a Catch 22 right now and I really don't know what to do on that matter.

I was on the bus tonight. And I had god speak to me. He said "A Man who has nothing, But gives, Is a man who is blessed". At this time when he said it a man had no money for the bus. So I paid my last 2 dollars so he had a ride home. I know its only $2. But I understand that concept. I'm utterly in the Negative in my bank account and that was my last money. But hey it was for something good and I think god wanted me to help this man. So I did.

I also have been having good stuff happen at church. I've lost it 2 weeks in a row where god has touched me. Its really ironic for me. I've taken so many leaps of Faith in this past month. I've tithed faithfully and also donated extra. Maybe a little to much though as I'm dead broke now. But I feel good because I have sowed seed into a ministry that I support 100%. And that makes me happy.

I'm still growing my hair. My bangs are past my nose now. UGH! I need to get it layered and trimmed. Hopefully next Friday when I get paid I can get it at least trimmed. And hopefully I can save some money this time around too!

Well I should probably go! God bless everyone! Be Safe!

In a new perspective

2005-04-27T06:15:00.000-04:00

Well here we are again. I got lots to tell, So little time to tell it in. HaHaHa!

Well Church was amazing on Sunday. We had 2 1/2 hrs of praise and worship before we even got to the Sermon. It was really good though. I felt god very strongly. Its quiet ironic though. We had a lot of prayer time during the worship. A lot of stuff. Well a lot of stuff happened to me. I took a leap of faith and did some stuff, and Trevor came over and prayed with me. I seriously don't know what he did, But he interceded a lot of stuff out of me. I feel so strong, I'm still in a daze (highness) from it still today. I feel so much love inside of me that just was not there before. I can hardly contain it. I think possibly that Trevor has a lot of intercede power cause man do I feel different. I feel so much love for everyone. Including Barb right now! But I don't think we will be getting back together she wants so much which I don't think I can provide :|. But I think its a very significant fact that I feel this way. God has changed me again because of my obedience. As the quote of our church is "Obedience is Success".

I watched "Mean Creek" tonight as well. Its a GREAT movie. If you haven't seen it I suggest you do. But there was one part where a pair of kids maybe 12 or so kissed in the movie. I think the characters names were Molly and Sam. Something along those lines. And It made me remember my first kiss. Oh how I long to be young again just to get that spark back. I'm sure we all wish we could go back to that moment again. And that is what has me thinking on Barb a lot. I need that love that only one can provide. Hopefully it all works out.
On another note I have some pictures from the set of "Silent Hill" which is being filmed down the street from my work. You can check out the Photos Here. But its funny they really didn't like us taking pictures. Today they kicked everyone off the set because they were taking pictures. It was really cool to be on the set either way. Its quiet an awesome experience. Its a memory I will sure to remember :).

I also talked to my dad today. He bought a new house and is moving. My mom is also calling tonight. And I ran into my great aunt today who I haven't seen in 9-10 years. So today is like Family day for me! HaHaHa!

Well Time to Run!

Silent Hill

2005-04-18T06:16:00.000-04:00

Well things went really good at church today! You really could feel the presence of god. It was a very strong feeling. On another note, we got some big people here in Brantford, Ontario as of right now. They are filming a movie here in town (Not the first time since I've been here though). But they are filming "Silent Hill". If any of you are gamers such as my self you will know of this name. It is in fact a game. But being made into a movie. (Hopefully it won't suck LOL). But hey I don't live far from where they are recording. In fact its not even 1km from where I work too! Its supposed to look like a ghost town. But in all reality the land where they are recording is believed to be cursed by the Indians. As it was promised to them at one point. But who knows but anyway no store survive in the promised area. So yeah its basically deserted. And the sets are pretty cool. They made a tunnel in one of the old stores. You can see it when you go by on the bus. Cool huh? Heres some Pictures that were taken today by someone.

The tunnel
Fake Movie Theatre
Fake Drug store (On the left is where I work although Hidden)
Colburn ST (where filming is taking place)
Fake Movie Theatre Again (Block from my work)

Maybe I will go take some pictures myself, I can always borrow my roommates Digital Camera I think?? :)

aybe I will go take some pictures myself, I can always borrow my roommates Digital Camera I think?? :)
And no I'm not catholic Cynica :).

Anyway I got my Income Tax as well. I paid 300$ on bills same day I got it! :) I'm also starting to put away some money for a rainy day as well. I'm opening a saving account putting 100$ into start the account and then putting like $20 - $40 per check (twice a month) in to have a little nest egg. Its not much but hey its a start :).

Anyway times a flying, and I've also Re-Quit Smoking again! Which is also good. Cause I shouldn't have started again in the first place. But anyway I better get to bed.. God bless

In ones mind!

2005-04-07T06:17:00.000-04:00

Gosh has life been busy as of late. To much work and such. Paul is home now. So I'm not alone anymore and he brung the laptop WAHOO! LOL. Not that it really matters that is. But I filed my taxes. And I'm getting a return so thats good as well. Also got a pretty good check coming. Probably not $750.00 like the last one. But maybe $650.00 hopefully for take home. So thats good as well. I'm really trying to get my debt down as well. My tax money goes to credit debts. WAHOO! Well maybe not all of it.. I need a new pair of shoes. So I might get some. My mom was supposed to call me on Monday or Tuesday. But I think she forgot :|. I also booked this Saturday off. The fun part about it is I get paid to be home that day :). Me and Barb are no more though. Shes not really a person you can understand to well. Shes very complex. As am I for that fact. But hey it was her that ended it. And I will not hold myself to anything on that fact. Life will go on for that matter. But life is still good. I read some stuff from the bible last night. It felt good to read it too! :) I know I mentioned about me going to my friends in the last blog. But I had lots of fun playing ETF It sure brings back some awesome memories. But I will be dead by the time I ever get my PC back. But it doesn't bug me as much as it use to. I'm still growing my hair though. Its past my nose these days. To bad I don't have any recent pictures :P. Not that I would post them on my blog either though LOL! I had a talk with my pastor on Sunday too! He says he hasn't seen any joy in me in months. Which might even be true. I've been struggling a lot in my faith off and on. And that can be a little hard sometimes. So I went no holds on him on Sunday and asked him to everything I wanted to know no matter what it meant. He answered all my questions. So thats good I feel better :). I've also been reading a lot of Christian books (Half of them bring the doubts :|). I've also read "The Bible Code II" It was a very interesting book too! I doubt half or all of it is real. But hey a very interesting read indeed. You know its amazing how much one can fit into ones head. Oh yeah before I forget. I have been thinking hard on getting myself a tat. I love this image I found! I so want to get it tattooed. I love the triple meaning of the cross, Amazing love and the Thorns. I'm still deciding though to get it done or not. Time will tell I suppose.
But hey I better shut up for once :)

*Duct tapes his mouth shut*

God Bless!

History

2005-03-27T06:20:00.000-05:00

Well I'm over at a friends today. Been playing some PC games. Help him move his tread mill as well. Life has been pretty good lately. Me and Barb broke up though. But its OK. Life will go on.. I'm really have been getting into History as of late. Its really interesting to me at this point in time in my life. Paul came back and gave me lots of merchandise. Good stuff too! :) But hes gone again. He won't be back till Wednesday. And then he might be leaving again to go to Ottawa. But oh well. As well life will continue to go on... I went to see a play at this church near my work. It was for easter called "The day before tomorrow" It was on the biblical story of Phobos and Lucius the 2 thief's that were crucified with Christ. It was a really good play too! I'm hoping to have some spare money this Friday on my check. I need some money to pay some bills. Well gotta run

Josh

By golly Its home!

2005-03-23T06:20:00.000-05:00

WOW! Well my roommate Paul is now home. I'm on the laptop. He took it with him. HeHeHe. Sorry I haven't been able to blog to much. Work took the computers away from the lunch room. So we can't use them for now :|. Some people have been abusing them from what I'm told. Thus why they were taken away. And the library blocks any blogs. Which is kinda suckage :(. But hey my life has been a little better I suppose. First night hes been home and I have a PC to work with. But thats not going to last long hes leaving again tomorrow (Wednesday) hes going to see his sister in IL or IN something along those lines for a week. Then he will be back for 2 days and leaving for Ottawa.... :| Hopefully he will park is butt soon cause man its running far. I do have some bad news though. Me and Barb are no more. But hey it was mutual we have gone our separate ways. Its not the right timing for this type of thing I suppose. I've turned into a semi-work-a-holic. Which is good cause I just got a $750.00 check for 2 weeks. (Thats a lot for me :]). But hey Its all gone and I'm broke again.. I need food now. Where did all my money go. Shit I don't even know :|. But yeah it was mutual. And I need to find out how to get some money to get some food. UGH! And I still need 50$ for a bus pass :|. But Paul did give me some good stuff. I got a Stellar Kart wrist band, Stellar Kart CD, His backstage pass that oddly enough says "Vanilla Ice"? Don't ask.... I also got Kutless, Barlow girls Cd's as well and all 3 signed by the gang. So that makes me happy. I got some Merchandise hehe. I did my laundry today too! I talked to my Dad today. He finally got my T4 from Frame craft my old job. Took them long enough. Maybe I can file my taxes soon. That will be nice. Hopefully I get some money back. I would really like that. Thats for sure :). I need to pay BILLS! I hope no one has forgot me over these past 5 weeks. I've missed you all! I've gotten sick, fought some depression, did major ass over time. And lost my faith. But regained it again. Lots of fun. Lots of Trials and Tribulations. Lots of insight. As you seen from my earlier post. I had a nice verse. I liked that though :)..

I haven't heard from my mom lately though. She needs to give me a call! (DID YOU HEAR THAT MOM GIVE ME A CALL!!!!!) :) Yes she reads this so yeah.. Did I mention the belt my mom got me broke? As well as the zipper on the new coat she gave me :|! UGH! So now i got my pants down past my butt half the time. (JUST KIDDING) but it surely feels that way. Oh yeah at work today. The fire alarm went off (AGAIN!). Its the 3rd time in the past 2 months. They doing construction below us and first time it was the dust, 2nd time it was that they hit a pipe and the sprinklers went off. This time it smelt like burnt plastic. I suppose we will find out tomorrow if there was actually a fire this time around (I serious doubt it though). Did I mention my work is inside a old mall?? We took over the old Eaton's building I'm told.

OK I really need to shut up cause I could write a damn book! I hope everyone is well and I have not been forgotten. God bless. Be well. Be Merry. And be with god!

God bless

Hello world!

2005-03-11T06:23:00.000-05:00

Well times have been quiet busy lately. Haven't had to much time to blog lately. Busy with work and all. Did 50 hrs last week almost did 50 hrs this week. Hopefully I will have a nice check. But I haven't been seeing much of my girlfriend Barb the last few weeks which totally sucks. But hopefully that will end soon and we will be able to spend some time together. I got sick last Sunday too. That sucked hardcore. I've been thinking a lot to stuff blog worthy but I never get a chance to write it down which also sucks :|. I had a dream last week as well. It gave me a really nice verse it was:

2 Timothy 1:14 (Amplified Bible)

14Guard and keep [with the greatest care] the precious and excellently adapted [Truth] which has been entrusted [to you], by the [help of the] Holy Spirit Who makes His home in us.

I think its a really good message one that we all should listen to and understand. Paul is still on the road and supposed to come home soon. Doing fine without a computer though, so thats good. Just keep getting movies from the library and studying up on coding again. I want to get back into coding again. I have had a project thats gone a yr and a half that I would like to finish. There's a lot of things I want to do as well. My license is going to run out too! :(. So its gonna expire and I can't stop it. So I need to make some arrangements to try and get it renewed. I don't know what happens if it expires.. I wonder if I will have to start over who knows. But time will surely tell.. Anyway time to get my butt to work..

God bless

Bizzeh

2005-03-02T06:25:00.000-05:00

Well since my roommate is on his trip, I've been alittle busy. I did 11 hrs on sat for work 3hrs extra. I'm trying to do alot more hours for the extra mighty Dollar! :). So far so good and i'm set for 42hrs for this week compair to 34 hrs I usually do. Even worked tuesday on my day off. So hopefully all will be good on next check. I'm broke right now though so that sucks lol. My roommate also has a blog up on his trip with "Kutless","Barlow Girl","Stellar Kart". He got me all 3 cds and got them signed. You can check his blog out at peej0e.blogspot.com take a look at all the pictures hes taken and all. But otherwise I'm doing good. Alittle depressed and debating my own faith. But I'm sure things will look up soon..... Hopefully :|.. I really miss having the time to blog. But more things come more important at this point in time unfortunatly. Can't wait till the laptop is back though.... Although Paul is taking it out of my room so... Oh well..

Anyway I'm on my lunch break and need to go eat.

Hope to hear from you guys soon

The Concert

2005-02-13T06:28:00.000-05:00

Well yesterday was a good day (Saturday). I went to work oh wait that was a bad day at work :|.. Anyway at work they were upgrading our order system it was down from 9am till 1pm and we had to go into a alternate order system to do all the orders. Well the main problem with that is the program sucks.... And its outdated has no pricing for anything. So you can't give customers price totals nor can they track their orders either. Anyway I stayed an extra hour at work and then went to church where my roommate was doing a concert. Let me say that his concert was amazing. You probably don't know but my roommate has like 6 CD hes composed on. But he hasn't done it in a while. So it was great, we got to hear his songs. Even really old ones which he wrote in college. Anyway he talked a lot to about how everything was taken away and god said sell everything you have. Well he made a "Keep List" and the "Sell List" well god made him give away or sell the stuff that was on the "Keep List". We all know he didn't want to give that stuff away. After all was said and done and his "Keep list" was a sold list. God told him that he wanted all the things that were important to him which was his "Keep list". My "Keep list" is very short mine is my computer and a few other things. But well It kinda touched me and I just said well if you want my computer then I will take this lesson and move on. Just let me get my PC back! HaHaHa! I have a lot of important info on my PC which is something I need. I still miss the gaming but after last night it doesn't seem as important now. I got teary eyed a few times that touched myself. I also got to finally meet Chris Kent. He was a man that has helped me to come where I am today. Between Paul and Chris I probably wouldn't be the person I am today. Chris counselled me with my very deep pains and help me control or rid them from myself. It was a Honor to have met Chris. A very intelligent man who is just an amazing soul. I am bless to have met 2 very important people that have taken me here in time. I've probably said it before. But if it were not for Paul I truly wouldn't be living on earth. I will just leave it at that. And Chris for helping me in a deeper place of my pains and sorrows helped me take the next leap. So all in all its good. I have come so far in the past months (September - today) it just amazes even myself. Again I was changed last night and I think its a good thing. Even my girlfriend Barb wanting to give me a big kiss HeHeHe. I told her I wouldn't kiss her cause I was sick and shes like If you don't mind I don't mind... I have a cough and a sore throat if you didn't know. I feel a lot better today though :). But Barb was over come last night as well. I feel god has touched her very deeply last night as well which makes me happy...

I also got Barb her valentines present today its a basket with a stuffed dog with a huge heart on it and it has Hersey Kisses & Hugs.. And I also wrote a poem:

I did not get you flowers
Because flowers wither and die
My love is not one that wavers nor will it wither nor die.
I am here to stay, for every beat my heart makes.
This is our day. Our love. And our lives.
May we share it for many years to come.
Happy Valentines Day

Lots of love

Josh

Hopefully its not to corny :P. And hopefully she likes what I got her. I think this is another step in our relationship. We're both keeping our eyes on god and our relationship grows. We both know god must always come first and thats the way it should be...

Well I think thats everything.. You have yourselves a good Valentines day and god bless..

Boring Times Ahead!

2005-02-11T06:30:00.000-05:00

Well my roommate leaves Tuesday to drive the bus for "Kutless","Barlowgirl","Steller Kart" so hes taking his laptop with him which leaves me without a computer. We don't even have cable.... So I'm basically going to go insane while hes gone. I've done a month alone by myself before but at least I had cable TV and my computer at the time. And it was still hard being alone for a month with all those things. What I will probably have to do is write my blogs on paper and go to the library to write them up :|. Its not the same not having a computer at home.. But life will go on and I will be one ranting and raving lunatic when I come back I bet. Or maybe some how I will get a laptop to borrow or something and all will be good. Who knows. I'm hoping on the replacement laptop....

Well valentines is almost here and I'm broke like nothing else. I can barley afford to get Barb something which is hard but I will try my best :|. Yesterday was a good day for sales for me too! I've come to realize that I live quiet a boring life... I haven't bloged in what 4 days? Basically I've got up and gone to work and come home and done the same thing as the day before.... I'm almost up on my 3 months at Nextel. So that means I get my raise and I also can change my shift. I'm hoping to get 10:30am till 7pm or 9am till 5:30pm. I rather do days personally. I don't like 2pm-7pm. I want 8 hrs... more money! But I won't work a Sunday no way.. Sundays are the worst... hehe.

So anyway if my writings are scarce don't fear cause I have gone insane and I've been drawing hieroglyphs on the wall with my blood (LOL Just kidding... or am I?)

I'm Just like you! Really I am!

2005-02-06T06:32:00.000-05:00

You know I've been thinking a lot of what I've read in "Putting Away Childish things". Its a very interesting read. It talks about putting away things that we learnt in our childhood years like how to deal with situations. Do you ever remember "Big Boys Don't Cry" Or "If you don't stop crying I will give you something to cry about". Of course they seem harmless but could it possibly mean that if you cry your considered weak? I tend not to think so. Or how about "Measure up!" meaning if you try Little harder maybe we will love you more. I believe those are really good examples in the books. I'm hoping I can find some information on acceptance. I think thats the part that applies to me the most. Those motos that I've listed don't quiet apply to myself. But they are very significant as well.

Its truly funny. They say when you look back at your past you can laugh. Now I can't say that is true for 95% of the stuff most of us go through. Maybe more so then most or less may it be depending on the person. But I feel that is quiet accurate. 95% of the bad stuff I mean. I really struggled for a long time with acceptance. I was your typical geek when I entered grade 9. Being the good and healthy 90lbs in grade 9 I was a perfect target. Always was, got names from Yoga (I don't get it but hey it happened) to many other things which I really don't want to name. That happened till about grade 11 when I finally had enough, for my mom this might shock her. (I talked to her on the phone about a 1hr ago, her computer is broken LOL, so she can read later). But this was the main reason why I dropped out of high school. That and my science teacher was a blatant ass hole. But once you've started from one class it got worse and eventually I got kicked out the first semester and the same happened with the 2nd. I was a loner all through high school mostly. I had maybe 3-4 friends that actually accepted me for who I was and not that little kid trying to avoid the bigger kids so they wouldn't pick on him.

I've struggled for acceptance since that boy went into high school. And its time I let that go. I'm no longer that little boy and people like me for me now. Life is a lot different with people who are mature and not going to make fun of you because your a small skinny person. I struggled a lot after high school too! If you read my testimony you will know that I was jumped later that year in 2000. And that totally took me out for almost 2 years of panic attacks and fear. I really was going to go back to school but when I became to scared of my fellow school mates because of that incident it well was no fun in the least.

But its truly something I can laugh on now. I'm loved and accepted but now to let go all the pain and hate that I hold inside. Hopefully this book has something on that. The one who yearns for your love and friendship has now bloomed and head held high! This is me! Hello world take me or leave me because I am me and there is only one of me.. (Wow that was corny.....Yell at me later.... LOL)..

Uhm. yeah.. I did it so what?

2005-02-04T06:33:00.000-05:00

Well I'm an addict of a new band. I heard of them before but put them off because the only song available just didn't suit me. But was I totally wrong to pass them up. The songs are great. Very catchy Riffs on the guitars. Very unique band. I so want there CD. I want a few peoples CD but Anberlin has that unique sound and the music just catches me. I've been working on a amazon wish list. I dunno how to link it lol.. I suck... I don't know how it works either. If someone like family seen it would it show my mailing address? That would be bad is some stranger could find my home address so easily. Worry some even..

So far my wish list is.......

Anberlin: Never Take Friendship Personal
Jeremy Camp: Restored
Demon Hunter: Summer of Darkness
Hawk Nelson: Letters to the President

Thats all for music the rest is DVDs and Computer games [Yes I'm a huge geek :)].

I heard from my dad the other day. Hes all like my wife won't give me another kid. He is of course talking about my step mom. Hes all sad because hes a drunk and she won't give him a kid of his own. He says that would complete his life to have a kid. LIKE WHO THE HELL AM I? Am I just trash on the waste side? I don't know if thats an insult or just a blatant drunk being a retard. So I asked him other then that how is his marriage going. He says its bad. I so wanted to say "Hey you picked her over me. DEAL WITH IT!". All he cares about is his beer and his pills so he can get high off of. But I really don't wanna go into that. I don't feel like giving him the time of day right now..

Barb gave me a 2 min massage. She has magic fingers. I need some more of those fingers... It felt so good. I was putty in her hands. Of course this was at work and she needed to get back to her desk... I really don't know what I'm going to do for valentines day. I want it to be special and romantic. I'm a freaky geeky person like that..

Ever since Sunday I've been on cloud 9. Everything is so good. Well except for the dumb government. But I've been on a good path. I feel god has a lot in store for me. I can feel that something big is going to happen. I've had this feeling once before and man did something end up out of it. I don't know if this BIG thing is for me or for my whole church. Whichever it is its going to be big and gonna be amazing. I can't wait till I can blog about the good things of god :). I still haven't heard from my mom directly. Other then the post she left on my blog and moved it to the proper topic... I think I pissed her off and scared her away. I do that a lot.....

I'm not the perfect son nor have I ever claimed to be. No one is perfect and we all must vent once and a while. But It doesn't mean everything is kosher either.... But life will go on as it always has I suppose.. My roommate is leaving for a month in 2 weeks. Hes going to be touring with "Kutless","Barlow Girl","Stellar Kart". You guys/gals probably don't know who they are unless your into Christian bands.. I also made bonus at work of 83$, and in 2 weeks I get a 100$ bonus for remaining at my job for 3 months and get a pay raise. So a lot happening this month as well as getting dental and some other coverage too! I bet my moms gonna be like use that bonus to get your GED done. I will just say maybe :). So don't ask. I still don't have a ride to take the test so I can't book it off from work to take it. My license is expiring soon too I got to get that done before March's end...

Anyway I talk to much as it is.. Oh yeah I also hit 10,000 hits today. PARTEH AT PIMME'S HOUSE! :D

God bless

Bloody Government

2005-02-01T07:40:00.000-05:00

Well today is my day off. Gonna get some stuff done :). There is more hardships happening :(. I got a letter from the government that they are disputing my taxes I filed last year. And are requesting almost $400.00 to be paid to them. Which is a crock........ I can't say I'm not worried about it... But god will find a way for me to get through it and thats always good. They want the rich to get richer and the poor to get poorer basically. Which is retarded. As if I don't have enough bills. Well not to much where I can't pay them. I'm caught up on my visa. Almost there on my future shop card. And now this :|. I hope I can get some more STAT pays for any holidays. Cause I will work for extra money :). My thinking is hopefully I get money back again this year on my taxes.. And hopefully can pay that $400.00 or maybe god will just take it away and we can be even Stevens hehe. I cleaned out my storage locker today. Found some clothes that need washing that I can wear. Trying to get the old paint stains off my work clothes is gonna be a challenge. We will see how good it comes out. I use to work for a picture frame place. It was an OK job. Could have been better if it paid more :P. But I did a lot of the painting/staining/foiling/embossing/compo/sanding/patching to just name a few :). On a good note Sunday went great at church. I said that before but I mean it was really good. I like to reiterate good things that happen :). My new coat is nice and warm too. And on a higher note.... I hit 9000 Hits today :)

Well back to cleaning I go I suppose :|

Is this thing on? HELLO!!!!?

2005-01-31T07:43:00.000-05:00

Today was a very interesting day. I ended up getting up around noon. I was so tired I worked 9am-5:30 the day before got up for 7:30 so I went to bed at 2am on Sunday morning and got up for noon. Did I mention I had a wonderful hot bath Saturday night? It was so good. I got to relax for once it was great. But anyway I ended up walking to Barbs and we ended up walking to the mall. So basically I had walked 2 1/2 miles from my house to the mall. Then I did it all over again but went to the church which is 3 miles from the mall or so lol. Let me tell you my legs were tired as heck by the time I got there. But anyway I went to the mall with Barb checked some prices on the Telus phones for pay as you go. Had lunch looked in stores then headed to her place and I then walked to church. Anyway ... I made it to church and it was amazing. A lot of stuff happened. I went to the front with Barb during service. Well ends up I cried 3 times lol. I just needed some healing in my life and I actually did get some of that spiritually healing. Had like 3 visions too. Really cool ones too. But I won't talk about those :). I got enough people telling me I'm crazy or stupid cause I actually vented for once. Kinda funny how people are such hypocrites some times. But no ones perfect or without sin. So all is good I suppose. Other then what I vented early :). My mom replied. She posted in the more recent post. I moved it down to the appropriate topic post and posted my comments back.

Its truly funny though. Parents are clueless. I remember a post my mom made not to long ago on one of my blogs. She said something along the lines of "Your doing so much better". But its funny cause I've always been religious, shes just never known. Parents never know what us kids think cause we never tell them. So its kinda weird cause I can fully express myself now on my blog. But parents also get to see the other side of me one they would not normally see. But its weird too, cause sometimes I hold back. But as you seen I didn't with the last one. We all need to vent and I blew my top. I've held things back for so long, or suppressed emotions so long that came to my down fall for over 2 years. Now that I can better handle my emotions, I need to express them. I'm probably rambling to much but hey. I gotta express myself some how :P. (So don't be mad because you know what & where I write, just be glad you know where I express myself)...

God bless

Knock on the door

2005-01-30T07:44:00.000-05:00

Well that was a quiet interesting few days. My mom never did reply to the e-mail I sent her. And my girlfriend and myself are back on track. She apologized for her stuff she pulled. I'm doing OK at work as well. Beating expectations in sales. So that kinda makes you feel somewhat good. I also started reading a book called "Putting away childish things" its a great book on self healing through the grace of god and how he can heal even things in a very deep past things we may have dug deep into our unconscious minds of our childhood memories or things that have scared us. So far I'm really enjoying it and i will probably review it once I've done reading it. Pretty good book so far though. Barb and myself are supposed to get together sometime this Sunday and hang out. I also had my roommate take some new pictures of me. I wouldn't post them on my blog though. I dunno I just don't like to post stuff like that on here lol..My mom sent me a new coat too! I didn't get a chance to post that I got really ticked off and posted the bad instead of some of the good. So my mom got me like 4 pairs of pants, a coat, a really cool pocket knife (a collectors type), sent some of my dvds, etc. So that made my day. I'm also working on getting a cell phone. Hopefully I will get one soon. Oh yeah and my mom also sent me some pictures. Some from our trip to Vancouver when we went whale watching. That was a fun trip. She also sent some old photos of myself. Its really depressing and very delightful to see old pictures. The great memories that they hold. But those were the days of no worries in life other then your next candy fix. And you looked very cute :P. I want the cute part back but hey I can't win them all. She also sent a photo album which I filled up :). So that was also a fun thing. In the book I'm reading "Putting away childish things" that our childhood memories can be of great joy or very stressful or make you very sad. Some of us have had traumatic experiences as children or in our teen years that have scared us. If you haven't read the book I suggest you give it a look its very interesting :). Its written by a pastor has a lot of scriptures to back stuff up and all. (Personally I hate books, especially factual stuff, but this stuff is gooooood :]).

I hope all of you are doing well.

God bless

A pissed Christian

2005-01-27T07:45:00.000-05:00

You know being a Christian we are supposed to lead by example. Well today is one I shall not do so. I want to let stuff out and damn well am I gonna say the stuff I want to say..

Life is ironic your expected to do so much and people just wanna fuck with you. Like your parents for one. One just wants to know when hes going to get his next pill of perks so he can swallow 20 of em and get high off em. Another wants to hold your computer from you. As they think they are some how helping you but in the end it just pisses you off to no end. And its kinda sad cause my mom reads this blog. You have yet to reply to my e-mail too. I'm thankful for what you've helped me with but you just seem to want to make me mad so.... I have nothing really much to say.. Then your girlfriend wants to pull bullshit trips and pretend like shes a freaking victim of all things. I have no time or patience for such childish shit like that and I will not stand for it either. These are the times you wish everyone would just shut up and leave you alone. The only one that isn't mad at me or who I'm not mad at is my roommate which is good. I have a lot of respect for him. I'm tired of holding shit and I guess I will be expressing myself more now too!

But I guess I can clearly say Life is a bitch and damned for all if I not leave it soon. Call me an asshole, Call me a bastard. It might all be true!

A Good show!

2005-01-23T07:48:00.000-05:00

Well yesterday was such an interesting day. I went to work on Friday which is normal. I had to make a deal to leave 2 hours early. Of course they are making me make that up for 2 hours on Sunday. Thats annoying to go in just for 2 hours LOL. But hey what can you do anyway. Me and Barb (my girlfriend) went to our church cause we were doing a CD release party at the church and invited a bunch of youth to come as well. Purposively the church had a battle of the bands in the summer when I wasn't living in brantford yet and Make Shift Policy won that battle and now we were hosting their CD release party. Anyway Guilty As Charged opened up for Make Shift Policy and put on an awesome show themselves, They also were in the battle of the bands and came 2nd place. So its was all good the shows went great and I bought their Cd's and of course being who I am I wanted them to sign my Cd's. Well I got that done. That now makes for me having 6 signed Cd's. I love signed Cd's. Its all good though.

But after the show was over is when all the fun began. Some of the kids had decided that it might be cool to trash the mens and woman's washrooms. The woman's washrooms was very minimal though we had to add particle board to the bottom of the stalls cause the stall doors were so high and basically you could see in the other stalls. So we had those on their and they decided to kick them all off :|. The mens washroom got the worst of it. They decided to take the soap bottle and spray it on the mirror, all along the walls, as well as smash the picture in the washroom and steal the picture. Lets just say it took 2 hours to clean the mens bathroom. This personally is a slap in the face of disrespect to my place of worship. Although I forgive them for what they have done. So basically thats how yesterday went. Cleaning for 2 hours :|.

I'm also letting my hair grow :). My bangs are past my eyes (this is very long for me LOL). So I'm letting it grow out some and seeing what happens with it. I also wanna streak my hair. That might come soon :). I also looked at my referrals today and I'm listed as the top #2 gamer blog here on blog-city. *UPDATE* Make that #1 :). *End Update* I am quiet humble to actually be able to say people read what I write. And some of you actually like it. (May it be the 3 people that actually come back that is) :). Barb and myself are going good to and I'm happy to say that I'm having a lot of fun.

Today kinda sucked though. My roommate Paul was supposed to do a concert today at the church. None of you know but Paul is a performing artist. He hasn't done a album in over 5 years though. He just hasn't had time to record in a while. But he arranged to have a Grand piano brought in for him to play on tonight. But unfortunately weather had other plans and we got slammed with 20cm (don't ask in inches I don't know :|) within 8 hours. So unfortunately Paul had to cancel. I was really looking forward to going too!

Geek side time:

I do see their are lots and lots of good games coming out this year! I'm really excited lol. F.E.A.R will be out in Q2 of 2005 so thats kewl! Age of Empires 3 as well sometime soon. I won't let my geeky side talk to long cause most of you could care less about my geeky side :P. But lets just say I'm realllllllly looking forward to this years lineup of some very awesome games :)

Quote of the day: A life without christ, is a life that is never fixed.

God Bless all of you and be safe :)

A bit of reflection

2005-01-21T07:49:00.000-05:00

A new beginning in life is one a lot wish they could do. A new start in a new city, a new apartment or house and a new job. Well thats me. It all started back in September. I'm finally just getting on my feet here in my new home town. The job is going good. Pay is moderate. But its more then what I use to make by just a smidgen. So its nice to say that. Of course I now have a girlfriend as well and thats going really good.

But to reflect on the past is always good to see how far one has actually come as well. Just to think of 4 years ago brings much of growth in myself. I shouldn't say the last 4 years have been great to say the least. I for one got jumped 4 years ago. Had lots of panic attacks during that time as well. And also lived with a drunk. So those were the bad parts in my life that I have long overcome the fear of it all. The really good parts would having been competing in a mod I played at the time was Q3F and Threewave both Quake 3 mods. I still miss playing them till this date. Q3F was ported to ET engine and was just released last week so now its ETF. And that gets me down that I'm missing out on that fun too. Competing online in these so called mods are like Canada without its hockey right now. Its our pass time. And that pass time got me through a lot of the junk in my past. They were the only thing that truly kept me happy about having a life with out the despair I had in it. It may not be so much my only happy spot in my life if I were to have it. But it would be still something I miss deeply without my fun times.

But of course I do have my girlfriend right now and that is growing very considerably. Especially over the last week my feelings have changed quiet moderately in the forward motion. This would mark our month and a half of dating as of today's date as well. So its going good :)

So what is true growth? I can tell you a few things I've learned since I have not had a computer in since September (5 months later) and probably another (CENSORED) 5 till I finally get my PC. One lesson would be that what makes a man is the people he surrounds himself with, may it be with your friends or family. Or that god will always pull us up from our most darkest hour and delivery us. I've learned so much about god since living with Paul (my roommate) I shouldn't say in part from September on but over the past 5 years Paul has tried to instill a lot of things in me which some he might have succeeded in and well some not to well :). But thats to be expected I suppose.

I also spiffied up the design of the site. I got sick of the dull colours that was a default template. I have my own personality that I want to portray :). But this blog software is so limited it kinda sucks. Maybe I will code one for myself once I get my PC again. Along with my other numerous coding projects. Like I tell everyone else. I will be the next biggest programmer in the year 2056 cause I will release everything I have all at once lol. I'm a perfectionist when I code anything so it takes 40 years for me to actually get it out there. But hey some things change and maybe thats one soon to be come :).

Well I probably should shut up as some people complained I talk to much :)

God Bless and Take Care

The pain of the world

2005-01-20T08:07:00.000-05:00

You know I've watched 2 war movies in the past week or so. I've watched "Schindler's List" and today I watched "The Pianist" both movies portrayed the Holocaust in one form or another. And it really amazes me how people can be so cruel. It really disturbs me that this happened in our history. Its a shamelessness act of cruelty. One that I hope would never be repeated again for that fact. My words just can't describe my disgust of these events. But I think the good parts of those movies would have to be people trying to help the Jews by helping them hide or just by helping them stay alive. Now thats some selflessness stuff right there.

Well were now in 2005. What a good start it has been indeed..... I had Barb over for new years. We watched "Simon Birch" on the TV and then we watched the count down for Toronto. It wasn't to bad of a countdown the fireworks sucked hardcore though. But me and Barb had some fun trying to get to know each other more. We talked a lot about a few things. She left about 1:20 am. Had our first kiss last night to, we've only been dating for about 3 weeks. And I just want to take things slow so...... I also got off early from work to get off when Barb got off. So that means Monday I'm working a 11 hr shift *HORROR* so yeah 12pm-11pm :|. Sad isn't it... But oh well what can you do... hehe

I'm looking forward to my next check for working Christmas and such. Hopefully its a really good pay. So I can save a little money maybe, or just put some money down on my debts, to at least get caught up.

Hopefully all of you had a safe New Year. And may it start the right way without all the strife. I also would like to ask you all to pray for the people who have died over seas from the tsunami. It truly is very saddening to me and hopefully god has them in his hands....

A special day and a sad one too

2005-01-19T07:53:00.000-05:00

I'm very humble with my recent post and the acceptance that I have received from the comments about it. Sure I got a few hecklers about it, but I wont let that get me down because there will always be people who want to feel superior to you in any way they can and it just makes me laugh so.

I had a pretty good day too! I went and see "In good Company" it was a good movie more of a mature comedy movie. It ended differently then what I thought. But its defiantly worth seeing. I told my girlfriends that "I loved her" for the first time. Its starting to get really serious. Shes a little ahead of me emotionally but I'm catching up. And I also spoke with my dad, he was telling me that he had sent 4000 pesos to the Philippines to my step moms family. That is about $100.00 CND and 4000 pesos is about 6 months wages for them. So he was able to bless them a lot. And he mentioned as to say "Luckily I called them". They didn't ask for the money he just gave it. So I then told him I understand why what has happened in the past has happened. I believe that god is finally healing my dad of his short comings. Leading my dad to him and now hes helping bless the Philippines.

I also would like to ask any of you to pray for a friend of my girlfriends who suffered a massive heart attack this week that he will have a speed recovery and all that good stuff..

It also has been a sad week for my church as well as 2 people I know in the church has had family pass away this week as well. I also hope I can write some more sermons sometime as well..

God bless and stay strong in your beliefs

Awesome Day!

2005-01-17T07:58:00.000-05:00

Well I had my day off today. It was pretty good :). I got to sleep in some today which was nice I got up at 7:20 am on Sat and then didn't hit the bed till 1am so I at least got to sleep in till 12:30 which was nice. I then proceeded over to Barbs (my girlfriends) apartment. We talked for a little bit and then watched "Matrix Revolution" thats the 2nd one i think. Anyway if thats wrong we seen Matrix 2 and not the final one. I left at 4pm and came home and watched most of "I Robot" it wasn't to bad at all. I thought it was going to be really retarded. But in fact it was actually something worth watching so that made me happy at least.... Like I said I got to watch most of it. I then proceeded to church for of course the regular Sunday service. The service was AWESOME! And it was so funny to cause I went outside with Barb when "WE THOUGHT" the service was over and we went back in. And this song they were playing was like HOLY COW! The whole church was moving the song was kicking butt. I mean it was really good and I'm thinking to myself man I gotta get this song whoever sings it. Now at the end of the service I asked what song it was. Now the funny thing was it was something they made up as they went along. I mean these guitar rifts were flipping and the piano was kicking and the drums were HOLY COW! I dunno what happened today but the band just kicked my butt (my roommates the piano player). So its really cool that we were all dancing to this awesome song and it was all god inspired as you go along. Totally cool stuff.. I'm also working on my sermon right now as well hopefully I can put it up Monday or Tuesday or maybe late tonight but I highly doubt that happening... The hits have been great I have over 3000+ visitors come to my site and that is kick ass to me. It makes me feel good that I can get an audience for my rants/raves and my godly stuff I TRY to write :)

Well I hope all is good with you guys and god willing your all healthy :)

God bless!

Worship (is he worth it?)

2005-01-17T07:54:00.000-05:00

First off, I know most of you will just brush this blog post off because I'm going to be talking about god. But maybe if you give it a read maybe you might like it who knows eh? :) Now I'm by no means a preacher or any of that sort. But this is something that I feel I had to write so I am :) So hopefully I do OK on it!

The topic I really wanted to iterate on today was worship. The word "Worship" is a short form of the word Worth Ship! Now the word worth ship has a lot of meaning. When we worship god we show his worth to us in our lives. He is worthy of our praise he is worth everything we have to offer him. Now when we "Worship" god do we show his worth in our praise? Do we just go to church to sing "Some of those Godly Songs"? Or are we their to just keep the seats warm. Just going to church to sing those so called "Worship Songs" is not worship in the slightest. The word worship has so many meanings.

Philippians 3:3

"For we [Christians] are the true circumcision, who worship God in spirit and by the Spirit of God and exult and glory and pride ourselves in Jesus Christ, and put no confidence or dependence [on what we are] in the flesh and on outward privileges and physical advantages and external appearances"

Now what this verse is basically saying is that we as Christians we're worship god in spirit and glorify god with our hearts showing him praise by singing or dancing, or just by living for him. Now thats not all we can do in praise there is a lot of other forms of glorifying god. Now the dependence on the "Flesh" is one that the Jews believed was their mark of being a Christian this mark was in the form of a male's circumcision. They believed if they Marked them self with this they would be labelled as Christian. Now Verse 2 states:

Philippians 3:2
"Look out for those dogs [Judaizers, legalists], look out for those mischief-makers, look out for those who mutilate the flesh."

This basically just states that we should be on our guard and watch out for the false teaches of Jewish teachers. The Jewish teachers were teaching that we needed to mark ourselves as being a Christian by physically circumcising was the only way of our salvation. The Jews were saying that salvation only belonged to the Jews and that it must be earned by keeping the laws.

Now the Apostle Paul on the other hand taught that we are saved by the Grace of god alone; that the salvation is a FREE gift from god. That we truly can never earn it, but merely that we can only humbly accept what god has offered to us.

And Paul goes on to say to the Jewish teachers "if you have nothing to show but circumcision of the flesh, if all you have is a Physical Mark on your body then you are NOT really circumcised. - You are merely mutilated.
You probably think why does Paul keep bring up the word "circumcised" well back then this was a sign of your faith in god. But what the literal teaching of being circumcised was that "Truly circumcised" people who I we will refer as the "True Believers" have allowed god to cut away their sin and evil from their lives. Those who's hearts are laid bare before god are the ones truly circumcised in his glory.

Now Paul teaches us that real circumcision is the devotion of the heart, mind, thoughts and life to god. And because of that Paul says "The Christians who are truly circumcised not with a outward badge or Mark on their flesh, but with that inner + spiritual circumcision that the bibles speaks of.

Philippians 3:3
For we [Christians] are the true circumcision, who worship God in spirit and by the Spirit of God and exult and glory and pride ourselves in Jesus Christ, and put no confidence or dependence [on what we are] in the flesh and on outward privileges and physical advantages and external appearances"

Now Paul was declaring that Christian worship had nothing to do with Ritual, rules or regulations. Christians worship is a thing of the spirit and of the heart.

The True Christian
The Truly Circumcised person
The Person who is really in true relation with god...
Worships god - not with outward forums or actions of observances, but with true devotion and sincerity of the heart.

Now when we study worship in the bible we discover that it is not confined to "Praise" as one would think as with Praise & worship music. In fact "Praise" is only one expression or element of worship to god.

1) The key feature of Biblical worship was Sacrifice.

Hebrews 13:15
"Through Him, therefore, let us constantly and at all times offer up to God a sacrifice of praise, which is the fruit of lips that thankfully acknowledge and confess and glorify His name."

Romans 12:1
"APPEAL to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship."

2) Prayer is another very important element in worship.

Acts 2:42
"And they steadfastly persevered, devoting themselves constantly to the instruction and fellowship of the apostles, to the breaking of bread [including the Lord's Supper] and prayers."

3) Confession of sin was clearly an important part of biblical worship.

4) The biblical worship included the proclamation of The Word.

5) Biblical worship always provided an opportunity to present Tithes & Offerings to the lord.

6) One unique element in the corporate worshipping (church) in the New Translation was the celebration of the sacraments, communion and baptism.

7) Praise is essential to Christian Worship. Some methods of Praise would be:

1) We praise god in our churches (Corporately)
2) We sing songs to express our praise to god.
3) Music is another method of biblical praise
4) We can bring praise to god by telling others about god's wonderful deeds in our lives.
5) And the bible says in the bible about how when we live our life for god we bring him praise.

Philippians 1:11
"May you abound in and be filled with the fruits of righteousness (of right standing with God and right doing) which come through Jesus Christ (the Anointed One), to the Honor and praise of God [that His glory may be both manifested and recognized]."

8) Of course there are many more :)

The worship of god is not confined to just the expression of praise or in its various other forms. Worshipping god is much Greater in all!

True individual worship, spiritual worship is the offering of our whole being and all that we do with it, every day, to god. (Body, Mind, Soul, Spirit & Strength).

Real worship is not just singing songs for 30 minutes before the offering is being taken. If I may I would like to quote a verse from a song called "I'm coming back to the Heart Of Worship"

Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

Now thats whats I'm talking about right there. What is god worth to you? Are you going to be just the person who keeps the chair warm or are you going to be the real deal and worship him with all that you are and and praise him everyday of you life. When Jesus Christ comes into our lives we are new peoples. The center of our being is changed/different. The driving force behind our life is different and our mind is different. For now we have the mind of Christ in us. And when Christ becomes the center of life. Then we can offer true worship. Then we are Marked by worship. Worship which is the offering of every moment and every action of life to god.

This is my challenge to you to be more then the seat warmer give all your worth and show god how much he means to you. Give him the praise that he deserves and you will see many gifts from god. One thing comes to mind of what a girl from my church who drew a picture of god and with his gifts he asked "Is that enough?". I will leave that with you to think about. Don't forget to comment.

God Bless

Another Day, Another Time

2005-01-14T07:59:00.000-05:00

Well me and Barb had another date on Tuesday. We went to Boston Pizza for dinner. It was Pasta Tuesday, which was cool so we got pasta. I got shrimp penne and she got spaghetti and meat balls. It was really good too! Then we ended going to the late show and seeing "Darkness" I liked it. She said she was scared. But it was still a good movie. The ending was quiet different then most scary movies. So that was a nice change.

I also have been keeping my eye on the poll! At least most of you believe in god :). I would also like to thank anyone who donated to Shannon's Ride of the roses. I also had a record today of over 550 visits in one day. The previous day was 180. LOL it surprised the heck out of me.. I also made a record with comments so that makes me more happy. I plan on writing a mini sermon for my blog. Well when I say mini it usually means about 340000 pages. I can never be brief. If you haven't noticed before..

My dad still hasn't called me back from the last time I talked to him. Nor have I got any replies to my e-mails. He also said he was gonna deposit 100$ into my account as a late Christmas present. But hopefully he will get back to me soon.

Work has been going pretty good lately as well. But the last 2 days has been slow I've been receiving some special training for enterprise sales. Myself and some other agents have been hand selected to be a backup team if anything happens to one of the other call centres. So Its kinda a Honor to say your a good rep we want you.. So thats kinda cool. But it also means I gotta know a lot more junk ERG! Now if I could get a raise outta that then all the better. But that won't be happening LOL!
I've also been trying to grow my hair. I want to let it grow. Hopefully the bangs won't drive me nuts until I say screw it. LOL. But I was wondering if any of you ladies know of a hair color for dark brown hair to do streaks. I looked but it said it was for blonde hair only.... Let me know :)
Hopefully everyone is doing well :)

God Bless

About A Boy

2005-01-13T08:00:00.000-05:00

This is a story of a boy, a boy that turned into a man and became who he is today! Through all of the trials and tribulations that was put in his path he still stands strong!

Name: Josh
Nickname(s): Whitepyro & Evildobbi
Born to Parents: Bev & Ken
Date Of Birth: July 20th 1983 (07/20/1983)
Home Town: St. Catharines, ONT
Current Residence: Brantford, ONT
Current Occupation: Telephone Sales Rep
Religion: Christian
Hobbies: Computer Gaming, writing poetry, Spending time with my girlfriend, Listening to music, Coding, Mixing Trance Music!
Favourite Music: Demon Hunter, Hawk Nelson, Jeremy Camp, Thousand Foot Krutch, KJ52, Switchfoot, Falling up, Kutless, DJ Tiesto, along with mostly any other trance music..
Favourite Music Types: Trance, Punk, Rock!
Favour Food: Pizza, Chinese, pasta, Mac and cheese.
Favourite Colour: Blue
Dream Vacation: England, Australia or New Zealand
Things I could do without: Squash, Turnip, Rude People!
Good Books: "The Outsides","That was then this is now","Harry Potter Series"

If theirs anything I missed just ask and I will add it :P

An Aspiration of a dream

2005-01-11T08:01:00.000-05:00

You know life is so uncertain. We all have our dreams and aspirations we want out of life. As of late I'm truly unsure of what I want to do in life. My dream is to be in the gaming industry making video games. Thats my true dream. But dose one easily give up on their dreams due to the odds of getting a job in the industry? I know a lot of mapping (making levels for games), as well very bare minimum texture artistry, and I'm good at coding in Internet languages. But dose that not make me qualified? Very much not so. Its truly amazing for me. In my life I have seen a lot of my friends hit it big in the industry. I know people working at Raven Software, Splash Damage, Ritual Software. But even though they've made it. Could I really do that? I want to go to school and learn everything about creating games.. I would love to work on a mod for quake 3 or doom 3, half life 2 maybe some of the upcoming games. I have always love to game and I got really involved back in the day of Q3F when it was in its prime it had a very good community of gamers. Although I sucked at playing the game I loved it so much that I pitched in and programmed a free piece of software to help support the gaming community(s) I was involved in. It was called "Clan Infinity" I'm sure if you google it you would find info about it and about my work. But I did not stop their either, I was also a columnist for the community at a long but gone site called "PQ3F.com". Those were my hay days. I got very well known in the community due to my association with all the things I've done in the community. I want to get back their again and finish the 2nd version of "Clan infinity 2.0" Which has been in the works for over a 2 years on and off. But thats still on hold as my computer is still in Seattle, WA. And my mom won't give it to me... LOL. Anyway. My thoughts wonder and I wonder if I should try and fight the odds of it all. Should I get back on track with my dream? Is it so far fetched for my dream? I want it a lot and I want to do it badly. I could get references from my friends of my work I got assurance of that. When I was a kid I wanted to be a cop as well. I kinda rethought that through too! But that seems really dangerous! Then there's god who wants me to be helping people and helping youth. See I feel thats a strong pull that god wants me to do. But I don't think its what he wants me to do as a job more of on the side lines. I have already started helping people. If you've read my blog you would know all to well of my helping of others. But all in all give me your opinion. Is a dream so hard to forget or just brush aside? Is it worth the odds of going through school for it all and just not be able to get into the industry?

I also helped my friend yesterday who has Lymphoma. I donated $20.00 for his trip hes gonna be doing in OCT 2005! Its called Ride of the roses. He has lost 2 friends from cancer and he is also fighting for the second time with his. So being a Christian man I decided to donate and help him in this charitable cause.

Heres a snippet from his e-mail:

In memory of Al Koza and Brian Furness who passed away this summer
from a long and courageous battle with cancer, I am going to complete the
100-mile Ride for the Roses on Oct 21-23, 2005. I am also doing this
for myself having been battling Lymphoma since June 2003. I'd like to ask
you to join me in this effort by making a donation to the Lance
Armstrong foundation in Al's memory, in Brian's memory, or in tribute to a
cancer survivor close to you.

The Ride for the Roses is a bike ride organized by Lance Armstrong,
cancer survivor and six-time winner of the Tour de France. It's held
each year in Austin, TX and attracts more than 6,500 entrants, from Lance
Armstrong and Robin Williams to, well, me! My goal is to complete the
100 mile course. This will be the longest ride I have ever attempted.

Would you please support this effort by pledging a donation for my
ride? The money goes to cancer research and help for cancer survivors. I
have included donation information below, including instructions for
donating on line and a form for offline donations. A donation of any
amount is deeply appreciated.

More Information can be found here:
http://www.lymphomaniacs.org/SCase/rftr2005.php

Sincerely,
Shannon 'Stickboy' Case

So I'm asking if you wish to help my friend please feel to help him in such a good cause. You can donate at https://secure.laf.org/Donations/donate_amount.cfm?sid=200258281
May god bless you all! Please leave comments I'd love to hear from you if you donate or not..

God Bless

A blessed man

2005-01-10T08:04:00.000-05:00

Its amazing. I had a really good day at church spent some time with my girlfriend Barb during service, then half the church went to Wendy's and I bought Barb and myself something to eat. I feels nice to have some money to be able to share just like yesterday with me and Sarah the one who had no money for lunch and I bought her a sub. I'm in tears right now. Just got off the phone with my dad. I told him about my past of being suicidal. Just like my mom he did not know. But I told him. He also said he was proud of me because I found god during all of it and thanked Paul (my roommate) for all the help he gave me. I don't think I would be here today if it were not for Paul and god. He also said hes proud of me for having a job and having a girlfriend as well. He also said he loved me... Words I have longed to hear. My relationship has been broken between my dad for so long my step mom ruined his and mine relationship. We actually got to talk though. I'm glad to hear he's also finally attending church now. This makes me really happy..... But its also amazing when I feel I have nothing but I am so blessed in many ways that I finally just realized... I have a roof over my head, I have a job and a girlfriend and god has given me all this.. But most of all hes building bridges back between me and my dad. I serve an amazing god that loves me so much and I am so undeserving of his love. I am just in so many tears I'm sorry. I just wanted to share this on how god is blessing me and my life.. I can't word anything better enough for how thankful I am..

Praise be to god..

Broken Windows

2005-01-08T08:05:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard life is like a window? I really like to think as life as a window. If one thing may go wrong that window will shatter and you will be on the floor in pieces. The window is shattered and broken. Thats how I am feeling today. I'm confused and basically somewhat depressed. I don't know why really, It happens a lot with me where I just get depressed for no reason. I think a lot of has to do with my girlfriend Barb. I'm confused on where its going. And why shes taking this relationship so serious. We've only been dating 1 month now. Its odd. I don't know If I'm afraid. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time. Maybe a month is a time where things get serious.. I don't know. I think I'm afraid of what might come of it. If I let it go and advance into something more so. Life confuses the hell out of me sometimes.

Sometimes I wish life were like a windshield window. If that shatters its not going to cut your face because of the safety measures that the manufactures do with the glass like laminating it so it dose not shatter in your face. Like makes you wish life was like that so you could get hit and bounce back and be normal again. I'm really afraid in where god wants me to go with Barb in this relationship. I don't know what I need or should do. Not saying stuff like sexually or anything like that. But more emotionally. I haven't been here really in ages. And like I've said 4000 times already I'm afraid. Have any of you felt like this before? I would love to hear your comments. I sure do need your support and your advice..

Hopefully I will get some advice some you guys.

God bless

Some questions!

2005-01-05T08:07:00.000-05:00

Until today I'd be uncertain. Uncertain of my direction! Uncertain of the flow! Where should this world take me? Shall I fall on my knees and ask for his mercy? Should I stand and ask for his strength? Should I be still and be at his grandest? Or should I be fast and be in his glory? Should I stand without any fear? Should I be strong and bring many near? Should I follow my heart? If I be guided should I not follow? If I go astray should I not call for help? Or should I just be steadfast to what god's will might be? Should I open my eyes for what god wants me to see?

I guess only god knows. What he wants me to do this year. These are questions we all should be asking ourselves. Are we ready for the will that god has for us? Do we heed his call? Do we obey his command? Let us be strong and follow his lead. So we can help others become set free. As I have been through his grace.

Short and sweet as it may be I hope you listen and think to what I have said :)

May god guide you through your troubles and bless you many times over.

God Bless