This is a full testament of my life and my testimony of God.

I guess I should really start from the beginning you see. I was born July 20Th 1983 to Ken and Bev. I was born with hair (imagine that huh?)... All joking aside here is my story.

My story starts when I was 17 or so. I for the most part was quiet a loner and quiet type of person. I enjoyed life to the fullest that I thought one could do. Mind you I wouldn't say I was a party animal. But I did get involved in drugs. I would do many immoral things in my youth that would be considered a sin. This is my pretext to where everything changed in my life not for the worst which I would perceive at the time but for the better.

On a night in August 2000, A band that I had seen on mp3.com and previously seen at scene 2000 was having a CD release party at the Frathouse in St.catharines. I decided that since I liked there music I would like to go see them play again and to congratulate them on their new CD. I made arrangements with my dad to drive me there and that I would proceed to walk home after the venue was over. The CD release party went on without a hitch and was a great show. By the time all was said and done it was about 1-2am in the morning. I felt quiet Ency about walking home but decided in my mind that I wasn't to far from home and I should be OK to walk.

After about 10 minutes I was around the corner from my house and I seen a group of 8 people walking through the park near my house. As our paths crossed we both continued to walk past each other. As I was about to the corner I heard someone yell "Hey do you have a spare smoke?". I proceeded to say no because I had 1 left and it was all I had for the night. Then I began to walk again to get home. Then one of the guys ran up to me and wanted to talk. For unknown reason to me I talked to them. As we were talking one of the guys punched me in the chest and I fell down as I was not expecting to get hit. The person that had hit me began to laugh saying "Holy crap, He fell". I got up and swore some words and said what was that for. He proceeded to say he didn't know. After that happened 2 of the guys that were with them said something of the likes of "Your F.... crazy" and they proceeded to leave. As I attempted to leave and get home. One of the other guys pulled me aside and asked me something at which I can not recollect what was said to me. But one thing that rings clear to this day to what he said to me next "You better not be lying to me, cause if you are I will kill you, I've killed before". Had this been a hallow threat or something quiet serious I did not know. But it made my hair stand up on the back of my neck. He then proceeded to direct me back to the group of his fellow friends (Thugs). The guy that originally pulled me aside said something. Again I can't recall what was said, but the next thing I knew was I was running for dear life towards my house. I had never felt my legs move so fast. But my speed was not enough as one of them caught up to me and swiped my feet from under me. I was now laying on the curb on a sewer drain cover. One of the 6 guys remaining proceeded to take a running start and jump on my chest. I than proceeded to get kicked and punched all over by these people. And then... It stopped... And I didn't really know why at the time. But what happened next freaked me out as the person who originally had hit me and laughed when I fell had pulled his friends off me and said "GO!", "Just go!". As he said this I looked at him and he looked scared out of his whits. So I got myself up and ran home without my hat which had fallen off as I ran for dear life.

You would think something as dramatic as this would dramatize someone. Well it sure did for me. I became a hermit in my own home. I became depressed and even suicidal in the passing months of this event. I did not return to school that year in fear for my life. At this point and time in my life. I felt so alone and unsure of what I could do to stop my panic attacks and fear of other people. It was to the point that I would not leave my own home without someone with me for fear of being attacked again. I searched for help through doctors and the likes. But nothing ever helped me I was the same day after day. I became even more discouraged because of this and I became even more desperate for help that I even contemplated taking my own life. So as I knew it would hurt the people around me if I did that I decided I would look into other methods of finding my life again. So what I found was wiccan and meditation. I won't go to deep into that but lets say it didn't go anywhere...

So one day I decided to talk to my friend Paul more as he was a So Called Christian maybe he held some answers that would help me rehabilitate my life. So I started asking questions as to "how can you prove god exists","Do you really think god cares?","If god exists why would he let this happen to me?". I was looking for something, but I was still very hostile against god and how all my "Stuff" had unfolded on the bad side of things. As we talked about these questions Paul said he would like to meet me at some point to talk about these things and so he could pray for me. Eventually that day had come and he drove down to see me and to talk. For the first time since the incident I felt that someone other than my family actually cared about me. And cared for my well being. He even kept his promise to pray for me. Can you believe he actually prayed for me??? I couldn't... It kinda freaked me out! But After that meeting we continued to talk for months on going on several topics on god and as I was also watching "The 700 Club" I gave my life to god. But yet I was still living in my sin and sure I was developing a relationship with god and I was slowly but surely returning back to my normal self. But I still had a long way to go. Paul kept suggesting I find a church to gain wisdom in the lord and gain fellowship with other Christians. But I would have none of that. As I used to be a Jehovah's Witness I didn't want to give my Sundays away to a church. Nope me and god can just talk for now. Those were my boundaries and those boundaries were set in stone. Eventually I said fine... Do you know anyone in St.Catharines that is good that I can at least meet first? He said "Yes" and so I went to meet this youth pastor who didn't really care as it seemed. So I basically blew it off and went on continuing on what I was doing. Paul would continue to come see me and take me out when I got depressed. It was a great influence in my life at the time and kept me some what happy. It was probably the darkest time in my life. It wasn't easy but I made it through with the help of a friend that would not give up. A friend that showed there are real people in this world that give, but expect nothing back.

This was the beginning of my relationship with god. But before I go on I know you are probably wondering why the boy that originally had hit me looked so scared... :)

Later in life I found out why when I was at a prayer meeting where I reside now and god told me why. To put it simply he said that he had sent one of his angels to protect me and to keep me. It kinda makes you think.. Am I truly that important? I will leave that for you to answer for yourself :).

As I've been writing this god keeps reminding me of a time Paul and I were in my room after I got kick out of my dad's house. Paul had come down to see me because again I was depressed not because of the latter incident but because of the situation I was in living with violent drunks. I had no where to go. I couldn't move back home. I was alone and had to put up with it. So he drove down to take me to movie and for something to eat to get my mind off things. But before we left to see the movie we went in my room to talk and he (if my memory serves me) felt the need to pray for protection and covering. Well what ended up happening freaked me out! As he was praying I could feel something weird over my body it was as if a sheet was put over my head. I opened my eyes as he was praying and I was like holy moly! Once he finished I was like "DID you feel that??" and I think I confused him cause he was like Feel what? And I explained what I had felt and he was like in a laughing sort of way "oh that was the holy spirit". It was something that was so cool and different. That was the first time I had ever felt the holy spirit. It was different yet peaceful.. Go figure....

Eventually because of the drunks my mom said enough is enough and she flew me out to Seattle, WA where she lives. I stayed there for 6 months and was planning to move up to British Columbia. But because of the lack of work there of. I was sent back to Ontario to my dad's where I was not welcome by my step mom and stayed a week. So I had called my friend Paul and asked for help. He let me come to Brantford to live with him and give me a roof over my head. When I first arrived it was great I was actually welcome some where. I felt abandoned by everyone, My dad, My mom, everyone and Paul yet again showed that he cared. Eventually over time I moved out on my own. And then tragedy stuck my life again...

I was working on that Saturday of Oct 29Th 2005 and I had tried to get my friend to come over the previous 2 weeks to chill out. But this week I did not ask her to come over. Yet she asked me if I wanted her to come over.. I was like sure... I later found out she was supposed to go to a wedding that night but she felt She HAD to come over for an unknown reason to her. And I thank god that he instilled that in her to come over. As we walked to my house from work I was thinking a lot about my dad as I had been the last 2 weeks. I had no idea why he had been on my mind so much.. We than ordered a pizza to eat and put in a movie to watch. Then the phone rung and I wasn't going to answer but something said I should answer it. Why I don't know. I picked up my phone and it was my Aunt Yvonne. I hadn't heard nor seen her in over 3 years but yet she was calling me.. She asked how I was and how I've been. Then she cut to the chase. As I will never forget this call I will do direct quotes..

Yvonne: Are you sitting down?
me: No why?
Yvonne: Josh you dad died today.
me: *Silence*
Yvonne: Are you OK? Your not saying anything.
me: Yeah.
Yvonne: are you sure?
me: no.
Yvonne: Are you OK?
me: no.
Yvonne: Give me your address I want to come get you.
me: *Address*
Yvonne: Alright were on our way to get you.
me: OK...
Yvonne: We've been trying to get a hold of you all day. We tried your old # in Seattle. But we couldn't find you.. We had to call 411..
Yvonne: Ryan's coming to get you he will be there shortly..
me: OK. See you soon.

As you can see it wasn't an easy call.. Its even more harder writing it...

But while I was on the phone I told Kelly she was going to have to call a cab. And she said OK and she started to clean up the dishes for me. After I got off the phone I told Kelly and then I collapsed and she ran over and held me and took me to my couch. I feel that this brought me and Kelly closer as friends. After that I felt sick to my stomach and well yeah I got sick from the shock of it.. After that I called Paul and told him. He said he would be over in a few minutes as he only lives a few blocks away. Then I decided to call my mom and tell her she asked if I wanted her there. I said I did not know. But she flew down from Seattle for the funeral and it was great to have her there for support.

In all of this I think the most amazing thing has to be before my dad sold his house Paul felt I should go to st.Catharines to see my dad this would have been March or April and we took a bunch of pictures and we talked on how things were and such. And so while we were there they offered me some pop so I was like sure. Cool!. As Paul and myself went to leave I remembered I forgot my pop and I felt that we HAD TO go back and for him. So I told Paul we had to go back to pray. So we did and I made Paul pray because I felt like I would screw it up whatever I was supposed to pray. So Paul prayed for some things for my dad. After that we left. After the funeral as I talked to my step mom she told me because of that day that my dad has seen a real change in my heart and that he wanted that too. And he gave his heart to god because of that. And then I realized the true concept of what my pastor likes to say "Obedience is Success". What would have happened if we didn't go back? I don't know, but what I do know is that my dad accepted god with his full heart. That gave me peace in my heart. I ended up speaking at the funeral and said what I wanted to say. I won't go into the whole speech but if you look up October in my blog you can read that for yourself.

You see I'm not bloging for the sake of blogging about my life. God has been speaking to me about many things over this past year. I lost my job for over 6 months being unemployed. I learnt to trust god more and he began to speak to me a lot! But the most of revelation has been coming since I got my 2ND job recently. Over the past month has been amazing. #1 god has doubled my wages.. WOW! #2 As I was working god was speaking to me in a song about why do you they reject me, why won't they listen. And I believe that god has and wanted me to share what he has done for me. You see I went through a lot of difficult things. But I'm still here, stronger then ever. I hope you can see that god's hand was in these situations. God cares more about you and me than we can even imagine. God's grace is sufficient for me. I hope in some way that this can encourage you in your faith even if you have none that it will plant a seed of faith in your heart to seek after god!

I thank you for reading and I hope it wasn't to long for you!

God Bless

Josh