Well its official. I'm officially broke. I even owe the bank money for monthly fee's they charge :|. So right now I'm (-12.00) debt to the bank! Man I love being unemployed. Man I love not being able to find some work in brantford. The day has come where I have until the end of June to figure if I can stay. I don't even have money for Junes rent. But my land lady should be a bit understanding I hope. I still haven't heard anything from Unemployment either and so I have had no income for almost 2 months. Other then my mom helping me out with 200$ here and there. I really don't want to ask for her help anymore. That's a lot of money. And I can't bare to burden her anymore. The church has prayed about work for me too! But yet I'm very discouraged and left without a paddle.

I honestly don't want to have to move to St. Catharines. I need what I have in Brantford to at least be somewhat happy. Friends that care, A support system from friends and the church. Strong potential of spiritual growth. And I love my church here in Brantford. And possibly a GIRL :P. But my Aunt don't care. They're not good enough reasons. If I move to St. Catharines, sure I won't have to worry about rent for a while and there's more then likely more jobs there. But I will loose all I've gained in the past year. Independence, and the things I already said. I believe if I have to leave Brantford I will have a spiritual death because all that's in st.catharines is no support system, no one to encourage me. So much pain that I really can't stand to relive from my other aunt not stop talking about my dad's murder and so forth. I know this is one drastic way god is trying to stretch me. I'm afraid I'm about to break hes got me stretched so far. But you know what? I'm learning so much. And I don't think god wants me to leave either. But its getting scary that I have nothing left. But I am also reminded about Joseph who was sold by his brothers to slavers and then later in his life became the second most powerful man in Egypt. Now I'm not saying I'm going to be all powerful earthly man. What I mean is that sometimes you have to hit total rock bottom in order to go up. But you know what? I'm scared. I really don't know what to do. I feel some what lost and abandoned :|. I know this is not how I should feel though. So I try not to let myself think that stuff. Try to distract myself as much as possible. But I am so tired of distracting myself. I need resolution in the things regarding my dad, a job, my family. Money!!!! SO ya. I'm broke and so confused.

Praise god that I have to learn something that he has to stretch me this much. Praise god for my poverty. But you know what? My determination isn't broken. Bring it on! :)

Whitepyro