You know I've been thinking a lot of what I've read in "Putting Away Childish things". Its a very interesting read. It talks about putting away things that we learnt in our childhood years like how to deal with situations. Do you ever remember "Big Boys Don't Cry" Or "If you don't stop crying I will give you something to cry about". Of course they seem harmless but could it possibly mean that if you cry your considered weak? I tend not to think so. Or how about "Measure up!" meaning if you try Little harder maybe we will love you more. I believe those are really good examples in the books. I'm hoping I can find some information on acceptance. I think thats the part that applies to me the most. Those motos that I've listed don't quiet apply to myself. But they are very significant as well.

Its truly funny. They say when you look back at your past you can laugh. Now I can't say that is true for 95% of the stuff most of us go through. Maybe more so then most or less may it be depending on the person. But I feel that is quiet accurate. 95% of the bad stuff I mean. I really struggled for a long time with acceptance. I was your typical geek when I entered grade 9. Being the good and healthy 90lbs in grade 9 I was a perfect target. Always was, got names from Yoga (I don't get it but hey it happened) to many other things which I really don't want to name. That happened till about grade 11 when I finally had enough, for my mom this might shock her. (I talked to her on the phone about a 1hr ago, her computer is broken LOL, so she can read later). But this was the main reason why I dropped out of high school. That and my science teacher was a blatant ass hole. But once you've started from one class it got worse and eventually I got kicked out the first semester and the same happened with the 2nd. I was a loner all through high school mostly. I had maybe 3-4 friends that actually accepted me for who I was and not that little kid trying to avoid the bigger kids so they wouldn't pick on him.

I've struggled for acceptance since that boy went into high school. And its time I let that go. I'm no longer that little boy and people like me for me now. Life is a lot different with people who are mature and not going to make fun of you because your a small skinny person. I struggled a lot after high school too! If you read my testimony you will know that I was jumped later that year in 2000. And that totally took me out for almost 2 years of panic attacks and fear. I really was going to go back to school but when I became to scared of my fellow school mates because of that incident it well was no fun in the least.

But its truly something I can laugh on now. I'm loved and accepted but now to let go all the pain and hate that I hold inside. Hopefully this book has something on that. The one who yearns for your love and friendship has now bloomed and head held high! This is me! Hello world take me or leave me because I am me and there is only one of me.. (Wow that was corny.....Yell at me later.... LOL)..