I'm at a point in my life that I can't go further in my walk with god without giving it all up. No not giving up on god, but giving up on the things that we call earthly treasures. As many months have gone by in my walk with god. I feel that god has asked from me for nothing but complete surrender and obedience.

I'm truly and honestly willing at this point. My life this past year has been one of the most difficult times in all my life. Heartache and pain is just the beginning of my now broken vase that I call my life. And you know what? That broken vase is my testimony. Because we are to be made new from day to day which would also mean that we must die to ourselves day in and day out.

That broken vase represents a life of old and now I am made new to be change even more. To be stretched for the will of god. A vase that tells the story of the loss of my father(dad), the loss of my job, the pain and turmoil I've held in for what seems like forever, just to name a few.

I am changed because god made it so. And I pray that my walk shall never end for I want to go from Glory to Glory. At this point in my life I am willing and able to see god's glory fall on my city, my country and my life. God is my provider and he will bring provision in regards to a job or even more. I give you thanks for these hardships god cause it shows you trust me and wish to help me to continue to grow! Because if you aren't going through any hard ships you should truly and honestly ask god why he doesn't trust you...

Well some events have come to light..

#1. I'm quiet lazy at times and refuse to post on my blog ROFL. Or I'm just to busy for it and/or nothing interesting..

#2. Gods provision is always at the correct timing.

#3. Even though my dad is gone. I still have a father in Christ and god has provisioned a father like figure in my life. You know who you are (PAUL).

God speaks to me a lot if I like it or not! It just comes in as I'm sitting here just pondering on the last 24 hours god was speaking to me that his love hasn't changed and his provision is sufficient in HIS TIMING.

I've been praying for closure in my life with my fathers passing and the stuff that surrounds it. Step mom mostly. But its always been a One sided part of the story I have been receiving. A distortion if you may or a blur of the unknowing the truth that my family tends to think is the correctness of the situation. Gods provision is on its way and I see his steps in front of mine.

For example My Camera broke. It refuses to turn on.... Ugh and I even belong to a Photo club through my friend (Paul). And I haven't been able to do that. At first I thought it was the battery's so I charged them and the screen blinks on for a split second and then refuses to actually work. So I don't know what is up with it. Well god knows the desires of our hearts and he dose answer our prayers.

Well things have come to light that I will be receiving a new camera and I will be receiving my fathers jewelry from my step mom. The jewelry holds a lot of sentimental value to me. You know there isn't one day I don't think about my dad! As some of you may or may not know about my tattoo! That holds more meaning day after day and that's very meaningful to me.

An another note of Gods provision.... God spoke to me of the Philippines about 7-8 months ago. And I've actually got offered to go in a year or so. It had me really thinking which I had a discussion with my friend Paul about if god really says something in advance and it comes later. He said sometimes it takes years or decades for something like that to happen. I believe this is gods provision for him to send me to the Philippines to learn more about what he wants me to learn.. (to become more like Christ).

I like like many others in my church just want to see a honest undeniable unmistakable move of god. And I'm starting to get the picture of what that actually means. God has a plan for us all, a destiny if you will and mines starting to unfold. I'm not going to go all prophetic and say that I'm going to the Philippines to do gods work. Hes brought the idea and started it. I will need to continue to pray and see what god wishes me to do in these moments of his provision.

You will be done on earth as it is in heaven!

Amen and amen

Josh