I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. - John 15:5

Sunday, February 13, 2005
Well yesterday was a good day (Saturday). I went to work oh wait that was a bad day at work :|.. Anyway at work they were upgrading our order system it was down from 9am till 1pm and we had to go into a alternate order system to do all the orders. Well the main problem with that is the program sucks.... And its outdated has no pricing for anything. So you can't give customers price totals nor can they track their orders either. Anyway I stayed an extra hour at work and then went to church where my roommate was doing a concert. Let me say that his concert was amazing. You probably don't know but my roommate has like 6 CD hes composed on. But he hasn't done it in a while. So it was great, we got to hear his songs. Even really old ones which he wrote in college. Anyway he talked a lot to about how everything was taken away and god said sell everything you have. Well he made a "Keep List" and the "Sell List" well god made him give away or sell the stuff that was on the "Keep List". We all know he didn't want to give that stuff away. After all was said and done and his "Keep list" was a sold list. God told him that he wanted all the things that were important to him which was his "Keep list". My "Keep list" is very short mine is my computer and a few other things. But well It kinda touched me and I just said well if you want my computer then I will take this lesson and move on. Just let me get my PC back! HaHaHa! I have a lot of important info on my PC which is something I need. I still miss the gaming but after last night it doesn't seem as important now. I got teary eyed a few times that touched myself. I also got to finally meet Chris Kent. He was a man that has helped me to come where I am today. Between Paul and Chris I probably wouldn't be the person I am today. Chris counselled me with my very deep pains and help me control or rid them from myself. It was a Honor to have met Chris. A very intelligent man who is just an amazing soul. I am bless to have met 2 very important people that have taken me here in time. I've probably said it before. But if it were not for Paul I truly wouldn't be living on earth. I will just leave it at that. And Chris for helping me in a deeper place of my pains and sorrows helped me take the next leap. So all in all its good. I have come so far in the past months (September - today) it just amazes even myself. Again I was changed last night and I think its a good thing. Even my girlfriend Barb wanting to give me a big kiss HeHeHe. I told her I wouldn't kiss her cause I was sick and shes like If you don't mind I don't mind... I have a cough and a sore throat if you didn't know. I feel a lot better today though :). But Barb was over come last night as well. I feel god has touched her very deeply last night as well which makes me happy...

I also got Barb her valentines present today its a basket with a stuffed dog with a huge heart on it and it has Hersey Kisses & Hugs.. And I also wrote a poem:

I did not get you flowers
Because flowers wither and die
My love is not one that wavers nor will it wither nor die.
I am here to stay, for every beat my heart makes.
This is our day. Our love. And our lives.
May we share it for many years to come.
Happy Valentines Day

Lots of love

Josh

Hopefully its not to corny :P. And hopefully she likes what I got her. I think this is another step in our relationship. We're both keeping our eyes on god and our relationship grows. We both know god must always come first and thats the way it should be...

Well I think thats everything.. You have yourselves a good Valentines day and god bless..
Posted by Whitepyro @ 6:28 AM   0 comments

Friday, February 11, 2005
Well my roommate leaves Tuesday to drive the bus for "Kutless","Barlowgirl","Steller Kart" so hes taking his laptop with him which leaves me without a computer. We don't even have cable.... So I'm basically going to go insane while hes gone. I've done a month alone by myself before but at least I had cable TV and my computer at the time. And it was still hard being alone for a month with all those things. What I will probably have to do is write my blogs on paper and go to the library to write them up :|. Its not the same not having a computer at home.. But life will go on and I will be one ranting and raving lunatic when I come back I bet. Or maybe some how I will get a laptop to borrow or something and all will be good. Who knows. I'm hoping on the replacement laptop....

Well valentines is almost here and I'm broke like nothing else. I can barley afford to get Barb something which is hard but I will try my best :|. Yesterday was a good day for sales for me too! I've come to realize that I live quiet a boring life... I haven't bloged in what 4 days? Basically I've got up and gone to work and come home and done the same thing as the day before.... I'm almost up on my 3 months at Nextel. So that means I get my raise and I also can change my shift. I'm hoping to get 10:30am till 7pm or 9am till 5:30pm. I rather do days personally. I don't like 2pm-7pm. I want 8 hrs... more money! But I won't work a Sunday no way.. Sundays are the worst... hehe.

So anyway if my writings are scarce don't fear cause I have gone insane and I've been drawing hieroglyphs on the wall with my blood (LOL Just kidding... or am I?)
Posted by Whitepyro @ 6:30 AM   0 comments

Sunday, February 06, 2005
You know I've been thinking a lot of what I've read in "Putting Away Childish things". Its a very interesting read. It talks about putting away things that we learnt in our childhood years like how to deal with situations. Do you ever remember "Big Boys Don't Cry" Or "If you don't stop crying I will give you something to cry about". Of course they seem harmless but could it possibly mean that if you cry your considered weak? I tend not to think so. Or how about "Measure up!" meaning if you try Little harder maybe we will love you more. I believe those are really good examples in the books. I'm hoping I can find some information on acceptance. I think thats the part that applies to me the most. Those motos that I've listed don't quiet apply to myself. But they are very significant as well.

Its truly funny. They say when you look back at your past you can laugh. Now I can't say that is true for 95% of the stuff most of us go through. Maybe more so then most or less may it be depending on the person. But I feel that is quiet accurate. 95% of the bad stuff I mean. I really struggled for a long time with acceptance. I was your typical geek when I entered grade 9. Being the good and healthy 90lbs in grade 9 I was a perfect target. Always was, got names from Yoga (I don't get it but hey it happened) to many other things which I really don't want to name. That happened till about grade 11 when I finally had enough, for my mom this might shock her. (I talked to her on the phone about a 1hr ago, her computer is broken LOL, so she can read later). But this was the main reason why I dropped out of high school. That and my science teacher was a blatant ass hole. But once you've started from one class it got worse and eventually I got kicked out the first semester and the same happened with the 2nd. I was a loner all through high school mostly. I had maybe 3-4 friends that actually accepted me for who I was and not that little kid trying to avoid the bigger kids so they wouldn't pick on him.

I've struggled for acceptance since that boy went into high school. And its time I let that go. I'm no longer that little boy and people like me for me now. Life is a lot different with people who are mature and not going to make fun of you because your a small skinny person. I struggled a lot after high school too! If you read my testimony you will know that I was jumped later that year in 2000. And that totally took me out for almost 2 years of panic attacks and fear. I really was going to go back to school but when I became to scared of my fellow school mates because of that incident it well was no fun in the least.

But its truly something I can laugh on now. I'm loved and accepted but now to let go all the pain and hate that I hold inside. Hopefully this book has something on that. The one who yearns for your love and friendship has now bloomed and head held high! This is me! Hello world take me or leave me because I am me and there is only one of me.. (Wow that was corny.....Yell at me later.... LOL)..
Posted by Whitepyro @ 6:32 AM   0 comments

Friday, February 04, 2005
Well I'm an addict of a new band. I heard of them before but put them off because the only song available just didn't suit me. But was I totally wrong to pass them up. The songs are great. Very catchy Riffs on the guitars. Very unique band. I so want there CD. I want a few peoples CD but Anberlin has that unique sound and the music just catches me. I've been working on a amazon wish list. I dunno how to link it lol.. I suck... I don't know how it works either. If someone like family seen it would it show my mailing address? That would be bad is some stranger could find my home address so easily. Worry some even..

So far my wish list is.......

Anberlin: Never Take Friendship Personal
Jeremy Camp: Restored
Demon Hunter: Summer of Darkness
Hawk Nelson: Letters to the President

Thats all for music the rest is DVDs and Computer games [Yes I'm a huge geek :)].

I heard from my dad the other day. Hes all like my wife won't give me another kid. He is of course talking about my step mom. Hes all sad because hes a drunk and she won't give him a kid of his own. He says that would complete his life to have a kid. LIKE WHO THE HELL AM I? Am I just trash on the waste side? I don't know if thats an insult or just a blatant drunk being a retard. So I asked him other then that how is his marriage going. He says its bad. I so wanted to say "Hey you picked her over me. DEAL WITH IT!". All he cares about is his beer and his pills so he can get high off of. But I really don't wanna go into that. I don't feel like giving him the time of day right now..

Barb gave me a 2 min massage. She has magic fingers. I need some more of those fingers... It felt so good. I was putty in her hands. Of course this was at work and she needed to get back to her desk... I really don't know what I'm going to do for valentines day. I want it to be special and romantic. I'm a freaky geeky person like that..

Ever since Sunday I've been on cloud 9. Everything is so good. Well except for the dumb government. But I've been on a good path. I feel god has a lot in store for me. I can feel that something big is going to happen. I've had this feeling once before and man did something end up out of it. I don't know if this BIG thing is for me or for my whole church. Whichever it is its going to be big and gonna be amazing. I can't wait till I can blog about the good things of god :). I still haven't heard from my mom directly. Other then the post she left on my blog and moved it to the proper topic... I think I pissed her off and scared her away. I do that a lot.....

I'm not the perfect son nor have I ever claimed to be. No one is perfect and we all must vent once and a while. But It doesn't mean everything is kosher either.... But life will go on as it always has I suppose.. My roommate is leaving for a month in 2 weeks. Hes going to be touring with "Kutless","Barlow Girl","Stellar Kart". You guys/gals probably don't know who they are unless your into Christian bands.. I also made bonus at work of 83$, and in 2 weeks I get a 100$ bonus for remaining at my job for 3 months and get a pay raise. So a lot happening this month as well as getting dental and some other coverage too! I bet my moms gonna be like use that bonus to get your GED done. I will just say maybe :). So don't ask. I still don't have a ride to take the test so I can't book it off from work to take it. My license is expiring soon too I got to get that done before March's end...

Anyway I talk to much as it is.. Oh yeah I also hit 10,000 hits today. PARTEH AT PIMME'S HOUSE! :D

God bless
Posted by Whitepyro @ 6:33 AM   0 comments

Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Well today is my day off. Gonna get some stuff done :). There is more hardships happening :(. I got a letter from the government that they are disputing my taxes I filed last year. And are requesting almost $400.00 to be paid to them. Which is a crock........ I can't say I'm not worried about it... But god will find a way for me to get through it and thats always good. They want the rich to get richer and the poor to get poorer basically. Which is retarded. As if I don't have enough bills. Well not to much where I can't pay them. I'm caught up on my visa. Almost there on my future shop card. And now this :|. I hope I can get some more STAT pays for any holidays. Cause I will work for extra money :). My thinking is hopefully I get money back again this year on my taxes.. And hopefully can pay that $400.00 or maybe god will just take it away and we can be even Stevens hehe. I cleaned out my storage locker today. Found some clothes that need washing that I can wear. Trying to get the old paint stains off my work clothes is gonna be a challenge. We will see how good it comes out. I use to work for a picture frame place. It was an OK job. Could have been better if it paid more :P. But I did a lot of the painting/staining/foiling/embossing/compo/sanding/patching to just name a few :). On a good note Sunday went great at church. I said that before but I mean it was really good. I like to reiterate good things that happen :). My new coat is nice and warm too. And on a higher note.... I hit 9000 Hits today :)

Well back to cleaning I go I suppose :|
Posted by Whitepyro @ 7:40 AM   0 comments

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