The more I ponder of the life I have lived. And the life I have yet to live, I see the glory that is god. The way he will and has breathed things over my life; And Into my Life; And made that which is into existence. May it be the Sunrise or the Sunset. Or to the mere beauty of his creation. The mountain tops, The skyline, People that he surrounds us with. The bleakness of the Lost and weary. And especially the insight and knowledge he bestows upon his people.

Some of you may know my story. My Testimony of me getting jump, My father being murdered, My Depression, My suicidal thoughts, the constant reminder of feeling alone, the deep desire to be a father, My strong compassion and love for people.

God has brought me through a journey. And as I once said to a friend of mine "The crossroad is part of the journey. Don't be discouraged about the process". As I think of that even more I believe it to be more true then when I said it. That the journey is what has made us what we are today. For me that process has had its painful moments. Those moments where the pain and the sting hurt the most are but only a moment in time. Its has been in my life a time of refinement and a time of comfort from God (Mathew 5:4).

My Father was an alcoholic. Although he'd never admit it. He would like to pop a bunch of bills to get high. For me this was a huge turn off. It made me not respect him back then. But without that I wouldn't be the man I am today. A man with conviction in his heart; Not for others but for my own life. I refuse to be that which was my father.

There is a sense of grace in those moments, at least for me. To come to an understanding with god. The more you get free from what we call the flesh the more you see the (flesh) in the world. Its a controlling force that wreaks havoc in our society. We see the flesh being the controlling force where the flavour of the moment could be sex, drugs, drinking, etc. See it how you may, But I feel god has shown me that its all a cover. Its a total shame of self destruction.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. Matthew 7:13

When we start to see not with our flesh; But with the spiritual eyes which god has given to us to see, which that is inherently evil. For me to see how people live their lives by their flesh and not by their spirit in fact makes me feel a sense of compassion and love to be able to help them find their way home. Mind you I believe that most seeds that are sown, which are the ones who have seeded usually never gets to see the outcome of that seed "Lest Pride sneaks in". For me its a burden the lord has laid upon me, at times its almost unbearable to me. Its a longing of God instilled into me. Its a wild fire that is unquenchable and it burns with ferocity that it consumes my heart.

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Galatians 6:7-10

I have been fortunate to see fruit of my sowing. I saw my obedience to God get my father saved before he was killed. This happened in April 2005. His Birthday was July 10Th. July 10Th is important not because it was his birthday but because what god did on his birthday a few years later 2009.

A woman started at my work and God specifically told me to be nice to her. For me I am usually nice, But these were Gods instructions. So I did what he said. She had worked with me for about a month or two until one day I missed the bus so we went and had a chat till the bus was to come. Four hours later we emerged from the van. God lead the conversation and I spoke to her and encouraged her and shared my faith with her. A few months had past until July 10Th came and I went over to her house with a friend to talk to her and to bless her house as she felt a darkness in her home. That day July 10Th was the day she gave her heart to the lord. For me this was as if God was confirming something to me. A seed sown and a seed confirmed. Since then Her Husband, Her Daughter and her Son have come to the lord. By one person guided by God and through his grace allowed me to be a vessel.

For me through my circumstance and by God alone has he instilled a longing and a sense of compassion and love for people. Which was not there before my getting saved and baptized. God has put me on a journey of Compassion and love to help people come back home where God wants them to be. I feel this is my true calling in life. At which it is my desire to be a Counsellor (also God Instilled).

So Let us Love people into the kingdom. Let us be the Light that God has called us to do. For me its truly hard to express the desire and fire in my heart for people. Like I've said its almost unbearable at times. I just want to hug everyone and tell them there is hope and God has always made a way out. For me I find great joy in doing what God has asked of me. And even you to do. Rise up! Shake off that fear. Yes condemnation will come. Even Mockery. But let you fight the good fight!! My only hope is that I don't disqualify myself from the prize, There is no pride in what God is asking. I pray that you see God and not me. But the mere vessel.

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People are ignorant to gods love. Why is this? Well it all comes to upbringing or so I like to believe.. For me as I child I understood blank words such as God loves you.. Love isn't realized until we get revelation on it. For example.. A loveless home where love is rarely used or used loosely. My realization of gods love was from a friend who was the real manifestation of gods love through man.

You also have to realize that ever since we were born the devil has set his plans against us. He has plans to set us in bondage at such a young age.. Lies such as god doesn't exist. God hates you.. Anything he can to take you away further from god.. Satan is ah master of lies according to John 8:44.

But I believe people refuse gods love due to the fact that they don't want to give up control of their lives. Or they've been hurt by "Christians". But as I've learned now "There is no offense in Christ".

Where love is devoid love is hallow words.. Theirs many things that can make people not want to accept gods love.. Its sad but it is US! Who need to be the example for others..

One good lie Satan loves to tell is "if I live a good life I will go to heaven.." Oh the deception.. So we need to "Get Free, Live Free, and most of all Free Others". Bring truth to the lies and break the strong holds satan has made inside many people..

Just my 2 cents.. :)

What do you think?

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My life has changed for the better. I can't deny much of that anymore. I'm on a better road then I have been in the last decade. It feels right and proper and no its not easy, But I know its where I am supposed to be.

About 2 months ago I almost gave up. The Devil had me in his grasps and was trying to get me turn away from what was good. I finally came to the conclusion that I couldn't allow myself to end like that because I started to believe all the lies that I have heard for so long in my life. It's almost like god said "OK your ready for these things to finally reach the surface and to confront them". I really wasn't ready as I'd like to think that I was. So I ended up reverting back into my old ways. I stopped going to church, I ignored everyone as I tried to deal with my demons. And even as I was going through that in my life Satan was still having his way with my thoughts filling my mind with more lies. It was very overwhelming for me. He told me lies like (Your unwelcome at Church, No one likes you, God is against you) and so forth. During that time god was still trying to lead me, and in that moment I tried to be obedient, kind and considerate to what he was asking me to do.

God in essence wasn't asking much of me, But it was simple. There was a new person at my work. Her name is Susan. A wonderful woman who I admire and now consider a close friend. You see God is AMAZING!! What else can I say..

But he first asked me talk to her, Not about anything in particular. You see at times I can be really temper mental at work and yet I was supposed to be kind to this woman. So as a few weeks went on and she had the van since her husband didn't have to work that day. I went and had a smoke with her since I missed my bus. So what was supposed to be a 15 min chat turned into a 4 hour chat right there in her van. I honestly don't know sometimes if its just me being easy to talk to, being a good listening or just god opening the flood gates of pure honesty and openness in people. I honestly don't know. But we eventually started talking about faith, and she was quiet torn between her faith and such. So god basically asked me to speak life and encouragement into her life. He used me to reveal His Grace, His Longing, His Loving and unconditional love. From that day forward things moved extremely fast. God continued having me bless and encourage her. God even asked me to give her $40.00 to help her out. She was in need and I wanted to help her. But I did it like god wanted me too, and it helped her. But the next day she gave me the money back. I thought she knew I gave it to her. But she said she couldn't accept that.

And then later that week I had a chance to talk to my Pastor to talk about what I was dealing with and we resolved a lot on the fact of the lies I was believing. Since then I have continued to push forward the gates and the walls that have tried to bind me down.

Susan and I have had several discussions and further discussions on god. God has used me in many ways with Susan. So near the end of June she invited me over for dinner, It was so good too! It was Pork Roast. And I knew that she felt like there was a presence in her home. She told me about after I told her I was going to get her a bible that her cigarette container moved all by it self. She was terrified and me I was like OK we will deal with this.. So that day I went over and then I finally went in the basement and heard tapping in the walls so I declared that it had to leave and then I went back upstairs. I enjoyed doing that :). So then on July 5Th Susan came to my church alone mind you. But I was pleased and a little worried on what she would think of a Pentecostal setting. But she enjoyed it. So that made me happy. And I'm also pleased to say that on my Dad's Birthday July 10Th Susan gave her life to the lord. You also need to understand that Susan was the only one willing to come to my church. Minds and hearts were closed in her house, Her Daughter, Her Son and her Husband. Her Husband specifically said don't even ask about me coming. So as you can see we (Susan and myself) were up against a little opposition to them coming. But they weren't opposed to her going..

But again on July 10Th Leanne and Myself went over to bless her house. It was AMAZING!! It was like a hot poker going through a stick of butter. It was as if the darkness in her home was gone. And then later Susan gave her life over to god. Its very special to me for 2 facts, One being my dad's birthday and my dad giving his life to the lord the last time I saw him before he was murdered. And the fact that Sue gave her life on my dad's birthday holds a double meaning and a special one at that.. After that day it was as if Walls, Doors, Pluming, The kitchen sink, The bed post had exploded and that opposition had vanished. The very next week Susan's whole family came to the church! WOW god is good :)..

Zephaniah 3:17

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
"

So with that being said.. God is good.. And then today god started speaking something else to me.. I asked him how can people move past all there stuff, there pain, there past. Because it's something I struggle with as well. And god simple said. "What is a scar? Is it not still flesh and yet it isn't normal and soft?" so I said "sure I understand that". So he said "Well. I am the one that comes to heal over your wounds and yes you will still remember them. But it is healed and closed over. It doesn't hurt anymore. So I say to you why do you worry about the past? It was yesterday and today is a new day. It no longer has its grip on you". So WOW! As I continue to think of that context I realize that things have been loosened.. My dad's Death, Me getting jumped its past and its healed and yes a scar remains and I still remember. But That was yesterday and today is a new day.. It has no hold on me.. Because I am LOVED I am ACCEPTED I am FORGIVEN and I AM FREE!!!

Praise you lord!!

My god is Living and Active.. What else can I say?

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